Relationship
Admiration, an essential part of a relationship
• Appreciate each other
What is the secret to a great relationship? The first thing that comes to mind is love, of course. Kindness and respect should be on everybody’s wish list. Yet there’s another element that is an essential part of a relationship: admiration. Without admiration, love fades and bitterness and disdain can take its place.
We’ve all seen those couples who denigrate and criticise each other in public. It’s a safe bet that their relationship won’t go the distance. Two people who interact in such toxic ways do not admire each other. If you don’t admire your partner, there can be no deep bond of intimacy and the relationship is destined to dissolve.
Why is admiration such an essential part of a relationship?
To admire someone means to respect that person. You respect what they stand for, how they interact with their loved ones and with their community. This makes you want to rise to a higher level as you seek to be the inspiration for their admiration.
We admire the person we are in love with, and we have a need for them to admire us, too. This self-perpetuating back and forth nourishes the relationship and helps propel each person to be their best self.
There are several levels of admiration. When we first meet someone we are interested in, we most likely admire them for superficial reasons they are attractive to us, or we like their sense of style.
As we get to know them better, our admiration shifts from the exterior to the interior. We admire their commitment to their work. We admire their passion for a sport. We admire how they treat their parents, friends, pet and how they interact with those around them. We admire their core values.
If admiration remains focused on the exterior, love cannot take root and grow.
How does a couple deepen their sense of mutual admiration?
Respect each other’s passions
Contrary to popular thought, a loving couple does not have to spend all their spare time together. In fact, couples who pursue separate passions report that this helps keep their marriage fresh and exciting. There’s a balance to this, of course. But spending a couple of hours doing “your own thing”, be it trail running, or taking a cooking class, or volunteering at the community centre and then coming home and sharing your experience with your partner is a sure way to deepen your shared admiration for each other. You sense your partner’s feeling of accomplishment and you are proud of them.
to be continued …
Relationship
Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
When you commit to taking up a new habit, it is essential to have a clear plan of action before you begin. Start with a long-term goal and keep it S.M.A.R.T: S- Specific M-Measurable A- Achievable R-Relevant and T- Timely
Habit Stacking
Habit Stacking is exactly what it sounds like: putting two or more habits together. We recommend choosing times of the day when routines are strongest. For most people, this is usually the morning or before bed. We know day-to-day life can get a little crazy, but there are certain times when patterns are created, making them the perfect place for a positive change.
The best way to form a new habit is to tie it in with an existing one.
Baby steps
Many experts agree that significant changes require high motivation levels, which can be hard to sustain. Instead, you should start with a slight change that will eventually lead to something bigger.
You can transition to something bigger once you have successfully implemented daily habits for a designated amount of time.
Consistency
Consistency is key. To make something a habit, you need to do it every day. We have all heard the magic ‘21 day’ fix, but the fact of the matter is, it’s not one size fits all.
Celebrate success
Perhaps the most important part of habit-making is rewarding yourself. We know habits take time, but in order to not give up, you need to celebrate every win.
Find the thing you love and allow yourself to experience it once you’ve hit a milestone on your habit-forming journey. Sometimes, the results of habits are not immediately apparent. Do not give up!
Relationship
How to deal with anxiety and uncertainty in relationships
Whether you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or are simply going through a stressful period, everyone needs a little motivation every now and then, particularly in relationships.
These are three coping skills and strategies that can help you defeat anxiety in your relationship.
1. Deep Breathing
Deep breathing is a simple technique that is excellent for managing emotions. Not only is deep breathing effective, it is also discreet and easy to use at any time or place.
Sit comfortably and place one hand on your abdomen. Breathe in through your nose, deeply enough that the hand on your abdomen rises. Hold the air in your lungs, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, with your lips puckered as if you are blowing through a straw. The secret is to go slow: Time the inhalation (4’s), pause (4’s), and exhalation (6’s). Practice for 3 to 5 minutes.
2. Examine Your Thoughts
For instance, the thoughts that “something bad will happen” or “I will make a mistake” might lack evidence, but still have an impact on how you feel.
By examining the evidence and challenging these thoughts, you can reduce anxiety.
Put thoughts on trial. Choose a thought that has contributed to your relationship anxiety. Gather evidence in support of your thought (verifiable facts only), and against your thought. Compare the evidence and determine whether your thought is accurate or not.
Ask yourself:
“Is my thought based on facts or feelings?”
“How would my partner or best friend see this situation?”
“How likely is it that my fear will come true?”
“What’s most likely to happen?”
“If my fear comes true, will it still matter in a week? A month? A year?”
3. Imagery (Positive Imagination)
Your thoughts have the power to change how you feel. If you think of something sad, it is likely you will start to feel sad. The opposite is also true: When you think of something positive and calming, you feel relaxed. The imagery technique harnesses this power to reduce anxiety.
Think of a place that you find comforting. It could be a secluded beach, your bedroom, a quiet mountaintop, your prayer closet, or even a loud gospel concert. For 5 to 10 minutes, use all your senses to imagine this setting in great detail. Do not think fleetingly about this place; really imagine it.
(PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)
“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
#QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
—Charles Spurgeon
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
