Features
ATTITUDE IS ALTITUDE
You may be tempted to ridicule the concept of “attitude adjustment” because it has become the major theme of motivational posters and coaching materials. But there is real power in controlling your attitude, adjusting it to counter moods and stop behaviors that may threaten your ability to live without limits. The psychologist and philosopher William James, who taught at Harvard University, said that one of the greatest discoveries of his generation was the realisation that by changing our attitudes, we can change our lives.
Whether you are aware of it or not, you view the world through your own unique perspectives or attitudes based on your beliefs of what is good or bad, wrong or right, fair or unfair. Your decisions and actions are based on those attitudes, so if what you have been doing isnot working, you have the power to adjust your attitude and change your life.
Think of your attitude as the remote control for your television set. If the program you are watching doesnot do anything for you, then you simply grab the remote and change it. You can adjust your attitude in much the same way when you arenot getting the results you want, no matter what challenges you encounter.
When you experience a tragedy or a personal crisis, it is perfectly normal and probably healthy to go through stages of fear and anger and sadness, hurt at some point we all have to say: “I am still here. Do I want to spend the rest of my life wallowing in misery, or do I want to rise above what has happened to me and pursue my dreams?”
Is it easy to do that? No, it is not. It takes great determination, not to mention a sense of purpose, hope, faith, and the belief that you have talents and skills to share. The age-old, time-proven, undeniable truth is that you and I may have absolutely no control over what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. If we choose the right attitude, we can rise above whatever challenges we face.
You likely will have no control over the next adversity in your life. A windstorm hits your house. A drunk driver crashes into your car. Your employer lays you off. Your significant other says, “I need space.” We are all blindsided from time to time. Be sad, feel bad, but then pull yourself up and ask, “What is next?” Once you have lamented awhile, vented, or shed all the tears in your tank, pull yourself together and make an attitude adjustment.
You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you now possess were it not for the setbacks you have faced and the mistakes you have made, and the suffering you have endured. “Once and for all, come to realise the pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success,” Robin Sharma commiserates.
POWERING UP
People who are successful, fulfilled, happy cannot be pessimist. That is because optimism is empowering—it gives you control over your emotions. Pessimism weakens your will and allows your moods to control your actions. With an optimistic outlook, you can adjust your attitude to make the best of bad situations. This is sometimes described as “refraining” because while you cannot always change your circumstances, you can change the way you look at them.
When you allow circumstances beyond your control to determine your attitude and actions, you risk plunging into a downward spiral of hasty decisions and faulty judgments, to overreacting, giving up too soon, and missing those opportunities that always—always—appear just when you think life will never get better.
Pessimism and negativity will ensure that you never rise above your circumstances. When you feel your blood boiling due to negative thoughts, tune them out and replace them with more positive and encouraging inner dialogue. Once again Robin Sharma advises that to live happier, more fulfilling lives, when we encounter a difficult circumstance, we must deep shifting our perspective and continually ask ourselves, “Is there a wiser, more enlightened way of looking at this seemingly negative situation?”
Choose attitudes that allowed you to rise above difficult circumstances. There are many attitudes to choose from, but Nick Vujicic believes the most powerful are: (1) An attitude of gratitude (2) An attitude of action (3) An attitude of empathy (4) An attitude of forgiveness
AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
When we feel entitled to the good in life, we feel robbed and outraged when something happens to make us uncomfortable. We then look to blame others and demand that they pay for our discomfort, whatever it might be. In a self-centered state of mind, we become professional victims. Yet pity parties are the most tedious, unproductive, and unrewarding events you could ever attend. You can only listen to “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me” so many times before you want to tear your hair out and run for cover, Nick humors.
You should reject the victim role because there is no future in it. Suffering brings us to a fork in the road, and we can choose the downward path to despair or we can take the hopeful path up the hill by adopting an attitude of gratitude. You may find it difficult at first to be grateful, but if you just decide not to be a victim and take it day by day, strength will come. If you cannit find any aspect of your situation to be grateful for, then focus on good days ahead and express gratitude in advance. This will help build a sense of optimism while getting your mind off the past and looking toward the future.
By choosing an attitude of gratitude over one of victimhood or bitterness or despair, you too can overcome whatever challenges you face. But if you find gratitude hard to come by, there are other approaches that might work for you.
AN ATTITUDE OF ACTION
Sometimes the best method you will find for moving your life out of a rut or over an obstacle is to make life better for yourself or for others. Socrates said, “Let him that would move the world, move himself first.” When it seems like you cannot catch a break, try creating your own. When you have been hit and knocked down by an overwhelming loss or tragedy, allow yourself time to grieve, and then act to create some good out of the bad.
Adopting an attitude of action creates positive momentum. The first steps are the hardest, no doubt about it. Just getting up out of bed may seem impossible at first, but once you are up, you can move forward, and as long as you are moving forward, you are on a path away from the past and toward the future. Go with that. Move ahead step by step. If you have lost someone or something, help someone else or build something else to serve as a memorial and tribute.
One of the most devastating experiences is the loss ofa loved one. Losing a family member or a friendtriggers grief that can cripple us. Other than perhapsbeing glad for having loved them and known themand had time with them, there is little to be gratefulfor in such situations. Nothing prepares us for thegrief that can overwhelm and even paralyze us. Still,some take action so that their terrible loss becomes aforce for good. According to Nick a well-known example is CandyLightner, who channeled her anger and anguish intoaction after her thirteen-year-old daughter was killedby a drunk driver. She founded Mothers AgainstDrunk Driving (MADD), which undoubtedly hassaved many lives through its activism and educationprograms.
Robin Sharma on his part believes that the mark of strong character lies not in doing what is fun to do or what is easy to do. “The sign of deep moral authority appears in the individual who consistently does what he ought to be doing rather than what he feels like doing. A person of true character spends his days doing that which is the right thing to do.”
Features
The sleep divorce phenomenon
sleep divorce, also known as sleep separation, is a growing trend where couples choose to sleep apart from each other, either permanently or temporarily. This decision can be driven by various factors, ranging from sleep disorders to relationship issues. In this article, we’ll delve into the reasons, benefits, and challenges of sleep divorce, providing insights and guidance for couples considering this arrangement.
Reasons for Sleep Divorce
1. Sleep Disorders: Snoring, insomnia, sleep apnea, and restless leg syndrome can disrupt a partner’s sleep, leading to fatigue, irritability, and resentment.
2. Different Sleep Schedules: Shift work, irregular hours, or differing sleep preferences can make sharing a bed challenging.
3. Personal Space and Comfort: Some individuals require solitude, silence, or specific sleeping conditions to recharge.
4. Relationship Issues: Conflict, intimacy problems, or emotional disconnection can lead couples to seek separate sleeping arrangements.
5. Health Concerns: Certain medical conditions, such as chronic pain or sleepwalking, may necessitate separate sleeping quarters.
Benefits of Sleep Divorce
1. Improved Sleep Quality: Sleeping apart can lead to better rest, increased energy, and enhanced mental clarity.
2. Increased Productivity: A good night’s sleep can boost productivity, focus, and overall well-being.
3. *Better Mood*: Adequate sleep can reduce irritability, anxiety, and depression.
4. Personal Autonomy: Separate sleeping arrangements can provide individuals with much-needed alone time.
5. Relationship Rejuvenation: Sleep divorce can help couples rekindle intimacy and connection outside of sleep.
Challenges of Sleep Divorce
1. Emotional Distance: Sleeping apart can lead to feelings of disconnection and isolation.
2. Impact on Intimacy: Reduced physical closeness can affect emotional intimacy and relationship quality.
3. Logistical Challenges: Separate bedrooms or sleeping arrangements can require adjustments.
4. Social Stigma: Some may view sleep divorce as unconventional or problematic.
5. Communication Breakdown: Failure to discuss sleep needs and boundaries can exacerbate relationship issues.
Navigating Sleep Divorce
1. Open Communication: Discuss sleep needs, concerns, and boundaries.
2. Set Boundaries: Establish a sleep plan and respect each other’s space.
3. Prioritise Intimacy: Schedule regular date nights or intimate activities.
4. Re-Evaluate and Adjust: Regularly assess the arrangement’s effectiveness.
5. Seek Professional Help: Consult therapists, sleep specialists, or counsellors for guidance.
Conclusion:
Sleep divorce is not a sign of relationship failure but rather a proactive approach to addressing sleep-related challenges. By understanding the reasons, benefits, and challenges, couples can make informed decisions about their sleep arrangements. Effective communication, mutual respect, and flexibility are key to navigating sleep divorce successfully.
Question: Is sleep divorce a sign of relationship problems?
Answer: Not necessarily. Sleep divorce can address specific sleep-related issues.
Question: How do we maintain intimacy while sleeping apart?
Answer: Schedule regular date nights, intimate activities, or meaningful interactions.
Question: Will sleep divorce affect our social life?
Answer: Openly communicate your arrangement to friends and family.
Question: Can sleep divorce improve our relationship?
Answer: Yes, by addressing sleep-related issues and prioritising intimacy.
By embracing sleep divorce as a viable solution, couples can prioritise their individual sleep needs while nurturing their relationship.
By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson
Features
Lotto Palaver
My former classmate, Kwame Korkorti, told me recently that the symptoms of modern day diseases like unemployment and redeployment can effectively be stopped using herbal treatment. He also confided in me that if herbal treatment does not prove effective, then one needs to go the lotto way, to avoid weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Korkorti indeed has eleven and a half years practical experience in how to make ends meet. Although he was famous in the 70s as the best kpanlogo dancer of the decade, he was redeployed as a civil servant not too far back.
Faced with the dilemma of where to invest his redeployment benefits, he took the biggest risk in life. He used half the amount on lotto for four consecutive weeks and lost. He then approached a man called the ‘Lotto-Crocodile’ who gave him three sure tips, which were arrived at by the dictates of a ‘timing’ plan.
The calculations could not be doubted and the ‘crocodile’ was indeed revered, even feared, for his lotto prowess. Should Korkorti invest the other half of his benefits into the “3-sure” and damn the consequences?
If he lost, it would be a disaster for him. His wife would leave him, and the landlord would serve him with a ‘quit’ notice, and he would become a ‘Son of Man.’ Moreover, his friends would call him the biggest fool in contemporary times.
Investment
To be on the safer side, he told his wife about his investment plans. She flared up and called him an idiot and a fat-head John-Bull. Korkorti, therefore, recoiled into his shell but decided to stake just ¢1,000.
On Saturday, the three numbers were there in black and white. He promptly divorced his wife for having deprived him of millions of cedis.
Ever since this episode, Korkorti has become a lotto addict, a forecaster, a lotto magician, editor-in-chief of a lotto paper and the chairman of the Sikaman Lotto Winners Association (SLWA).
I heard there is also an association called the Sikaman Lotto Losers Association (SLLA).
Although it is the unemployed who are susceptible to the lotto syndrome, the business is also the pre-occupation of people from all walks of life-business executives, secretaries of state, assemblymen, fetish priests, pastors and evangelists, beggars and koose sellers.
In fact, lotto transcends all occupations and professions in such a way that both the rich and the poor are perpetually engaged in making money out of mechanised lotto, VAG-West or Lucky Scratch whose scarcity in the metropolis does not merit the numerous adverts on television.
Some people are born lucky and can win lotto 20 times in a year. Others like myself have been born to lose.
The last time I came close to winning was in 1983 when hunger in Sikaman was quite normal to the natives. It was the era of famine when man, wife and children had only one hard coconut for supper and got ready to develop jaundice. It was at that time that I got a “2-sure” tip from a very reliable but clandestine source. The mathematical solution of the problem was arrived at by permutation and combinations, backed by calculus and lotto matrices. The two numbers were unfailing.
I told two close friends about it and they staked heavily like I did. After I had kept the tickets safely in a notebook which l locked away in a fortified drawer, I quickly began figuring out a budget based upon the amount l’d win at the week-end.
I planned to purchase one maxi bag of rice, I’ll order yams from Kasoa, beans from Kordiabe and palm-nuts from Larteh. I’ll purchase a table top fridge (since l enjoy iced water so much), a portable sound system and a diplomatic shoe. I apportioned the amounts I’ll remit to my mother, my old-man, brothers, sisters and two friends.
I became so obsessed with this lotto palaver that I could hardly sleep at night. As the week-end approached, the excitement grew so much that I began feeling quite uncomfortable.
Come 5.05 p.m. on Saturday. My heart started beating violently when the Club Beer advert came clear on the air. It was only seconds away and I would be richest man in a time of scarcity and acute hunger. I dashed for my pen and paper.
The numbers were being mentioned by a deep-throated announcer: “And now, the numbers… “My heart beat like that of a marathon runner as I wrote them down, my fingers trembling. The first three numbers did not include my “2-sure” tips. But I was reassured when the fourth was one of mine.
I was ready to leap into air when the last number called was nowhere near my other number. I had lost, and immediately started thinking about where my supper would come from.
That was the day I vowed not to stake lotto again in my life. Lotto can be a good servant and also a bad master. It has been the fertile ground for some people and the downfall of luckless others. It has made some rich and also impoverished others. It has solved problems in families and caused problems in families.
Anyhow, it is the surest way of getting rich without getting into trouble with revolutionary laws. This is because with lotto, you can become an instant millionaire without dipping long fingers into public funds.
Some people say lotto is a vice. Well I do not consider it as such, but of course, it depends on the angle from which one views the game. Although I no longer stake lotto, I’ll be the last to advise anybody against it. It may be somebody’s saviour, who knows. Moreover, it is a way of taxing people for national revenue without, realising they being taxed.
In fact they pay the tax without force, and some gain therefrom. It has also been a source of employment for many, like lotto receivers and agents.
The only problem with lotto is that it is a time-wasting venture to which most workers concentrate all their attention instead of attending to official duties.
Productivity falls, because from the Managing Director to the cleaner, everybody is either busy calculating a certain mathematical progression or discussing the potency of a ‘machine’ number.
True to it, in an eight-hour working period per day, a typical lotto addict uses two hours to think about family problems, one hour for financial worries, and three hours to forecast winning numbers. The remaining two hours are shared between working on the job and relaxing. No country progresses with such work schedule.
Perhaps, it would be better if workers rely more on dream-numbers, car numbers and
house numbers instead of machine numbers, shadows, counterparts, addition 90, turning numbers and timing plans. We should not sacrifice productivity for personal gain. We are free to work lotto after closing hours, week-ends and public holidays. All the best in your lotto palaver.
This article was first published on Saturday, October 27, 1990.