Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physi­cal ones, causing harm to relationships, reputations, and personal well-being.

They often begin innocent­ly, with friendships or work connections evolving into deeper emotional connections. However, it is essential to recognise the signs and take proactive steps to avoid emo­tional affairs.

I. Setting boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Define what is and is not acceptable in your interac­tions with others, ensuring you prioritise your primary rela­tionship.

Communicate these bound­aries assertively and respect­fully to avoid misunderstand­ings.

Ii. Prioritising your primary relationship

Nurture your committed relationship through:

– Quality time: Regularly schedule activities and conver­sations with your partner.

– Communication: Practice active listening, empathy, and open dialogue.

– Intimacy: Cultivate emo­tional and physical closeness.

III. Recognising emotional vulnerability

Be aware of your emotional state and avoid seeking com­fort or validation from others when feeling:

– Vulnerable

– Lonely

– Insecure

– Unappreciated

Instead, focus on self-care, communication with your part­ner, and seeking support from trusted friends and family.

IV. Maintaining transparen­cy

Share your interactions and relationships with your partner to:

– Build trust

– Avoid secrecy

– Prevent misunderstandings

V. Cultivating self-aware­ness

Understand your:

– Emotions

– Needs

– Desires

This self-awareness will help you avoid seeking fulfillment outside your primary relation­ship.

VI. Fostering a Support Network

Surround yourself with peo­ple who:

– Support your committed relationship

– Encourage healthy bound­aries

– Provide emotional support without crossing boundaries

VII. Practising self-care

Engage in activities promot­ing emotional fulfillment, such as:

– Hobbies

– Exercise

– Meditation

– Spending time in nature

Reduce reliance on others for emotional support by fo­cusing on personal growth and self-care.

VIII. Avoiding Emotional Intimacy with Others

Refrain from sharing per­sonal feelings, desires, or intimate thoughts with some­one outside your primary relationship. Maintain a level of emotional detachment in friendships and work connec­tions.

IX. Seeking help when needed

Consult a therapist or coun­sellor if you’re struggling with:

– Emotional connection

– Vulnerability

– Relationship issues

X. Staying committed

Remember your commitment to your partner and prioritise the well-being of your primary relationship. Regularly reaf­firm your dedication and work together to strengthen your bond.

By following these guide­lines, you can minimise the risk of engaging in an emo­tional affair and cultivate a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your partner. Remember, awareness, communication, and commitment are key to maintaining a strong and resil­ient relations.

BY ROBERT EKOW GRIMMOND-THOMPSON

Esaaba went to her room, closed the door and sat on the bed. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she took her deci­sion. If she was going to have her peace of mind and get along with her parents and sister, the only way was to find a place to rent and live on her own.

She picked up her phone to talk to an estate agent when her door opened gently, and her par­ents walked in, Esaaba following. ‘Esaaba’, her dad began, ‘we are sorry for what has happened. We are very sorry. But I wish you would understand that as your parents, we mean well.

We want a good future for you. Naturally we are concerned that you have been, er, a little late in settling down with a man. That is why we took the steps we did. We will continue to pray for a solution. In fact, it is possible that Stanley will realise what he’s missing and get in touch again’. ‘Dad, I’m not going to discuss this issue with you again. It is quite ob­vious that you don’t agree that it is my right, as a right thinking adult, to make my own choices. So I am going to rent a place as quickly as possible and move out.

If I don’t, we will continue to argue over this issue. I’m not prepared to allow anyone, even my parents, to choose a husband for me. And as for you Baaba, let me warn you, never get involved again in any issue concerning me, be­cause apart from being very simple minded, you need to learn a few things in life.

Don’t assume anything’. ‘What do I care?’ Baaba snapped. What do I need from you?’ ‘Get out of my room!’ she shouted. Beesiwa walked out, followed by their parents.

Esaaba decided that she needed space to clear her head. She went to the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her hair and, after checking to make sure that she had her copy of the front door key, went out. The only place she could think of, she thought, was Jackie’s, the open air joint.

It was never too full, and they played mostly soft music. And the food was nice. It was just what she needed to clear her head. She decided against a taxi and strolled down, and took a seat.

She sat down, and as the waiter walked up to take her order she saw Marian Mensah sipping a drink. ‘Hey Marian! Where on earth have you been?’ ‘Look who is asking questions. I have been trying to find you for ages. Where have you been?’ ‘I live some two hundred metres from here. And you know I’m a TA on campus’. ‘I didn’t know that. And guess who has been asking for your number, almost desperately?’ The only person I can think of is David Essel, and apart from the fact that he’s not in Ghana, I don’t think he will want to call me’.

‘Well, it’s him alright. He came back a month ago. He called last week, and said he heard you had gone to do a Master’s programme on a university scholarship, and he also heard you were working with a drug company. But he obviously didn’t know you were on campus, because he would have fished you out a long time ago’.

‘Why, is he do­ing anything on campus?’ ‘Yes, he’s just got a job as lectur­er at the Statistics Department’. When he called and said he wanted to contact you, I teased him that you hadn’t changed, that perhaps you were the same difficult per­son you were, and he replied that perhaps you had changed’.

‘Do you know what? I really liked the guy, but maybe I didn’t know him well because of the three year gap. Perhaps if he had taken a lit­tle time I would have agreed. He is quite good looking, always looking neat, and he had a great sense of humour. And you know, I was afraid of the girls who were always hov­ering around him. Do you have his number?’ Marian called him, and within twenty minutes David had joined them at Jackie’s. ‘Good to see you ladies. ‘Esaaba, it’s been ages. I thought I would never find you’. ‘Listen, you two’, Marian said, I’m sure it would be best for you if I vanished from here. So off I go. Call and let’s meet, this week­end if possible’.

They ordered food and drinks, and chatted for quite a while about their activities since they last met. David went to Denmark on a PhD scholarship from a food processing company that is well represented in West Africa.

He also spent some time working in the company’s research Depart­ment, for which he was paid rather well. Esaaba, on her part, told him about her experiences as a Na­tional Service person and Teaching Assistant at her department.

She was hoping to start a Masters Degree programme at the Depart­ment, but was also exploring the possibility of getting a universi­ty scholarship to study abroad. ‘David, I don’t mind hanging around a little longer because I live close by, but in your case you will be driving for a while, so if you like, we can meet again in the next few days’.

‘Okay, my car is parked over there. But first give me your number. Can we meet in the next couple of days?’ ‘We certainly can. I will be moving from my parents’ place very soon, maybe in the next few days, so I will tell you my location when you call’.

‘Why are you moving from your parents’ place, if I may ask? Some­thing interesting happening?’ ‘How shall I say it? My parents think I am delaying in getting a husband, so they have been putting pressure on me to get married.

In fact they tried to force a guy on me, and it backfired’. ‘O dear. I was about to ask you a question on this topic.

By Ekow de Heer