Relationship
Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 3
As divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.
A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.
Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with another four tips.
9. Do not expect your new family to be like your first family
If you expect that your stepfamily will be just like the family of your first marriage, you are setting yourself up for frustration. Your new family will have its own unique identity and will evolve in its own special way.
10. Allow time for grieving
Stepfamilies begin with an experience of loss, and everyone needs to grieve. The adults’ losses are not the same as those of the children, and both must be respected. Adults grieve the following losses: the loss of a partner, loss of a marriage relationship, lost dreams of the way they thought it would be and they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death
Children grieve, too. Their losses are usually different from those of their parent, they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death and they may have lost the fantasy of how they wanted their family to be.
11. Acknowledge the absent parent
When one of the original parents is absent, the children need a special kind of understanding. An absent parent (who has died or who lives elsewhere and doesn’t visit) is part of a child’s past. The child must be allowed to have memories of this parent. The children who have access to both of their parents are those who adjust the best to divorce. They should be allowed to regularly speak with, visit, and write to their noncustodial parent.
12. Give the kids their own space
Make physical space available for the children who don’t live with you. Children need a sense of belonging. Creating a room or section of a room for visiting children will help them feel like part of your family.
Relationship
Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 4
AS divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.
A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.
Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with final six tips.
13. Expect them to think it is temporary.
Accept the fact that your children may expect you and their other parent to reconcile. They may fantasise that your new relationship with your partner is only temporary. This is, especially true in the beginning. Find a time to sit down with the children and explain that when two people are unable to live together anymore, it doesn’t mean they love their children any less.
14. Expect resentment.
No matter how good a parent you are, you will never be the biological parent of your stepchildren. It is natural for a stepchild to feel some resentment for you, especially when you are setting limits for their behaviour.
15. Show the children love.
Sometimes children need love the most at a time when it is the most difficult to give it to them. While bad behavior should never be rewarded, always praise children when they are behaving well.
16. As a stepparent, be sure to take the time to bond with your new children.
Your stepchild may be resistant, but it’s important for you to lead the way and demonstrate that you are interested and care.
17. Children thrive with schedules and consistency.
The transition will be much smoother if everyone knows what’s expected of them. Have a conversation early on that outlines the expectations and ground rules.
18. Communication is vital.
Ask how you can make the children more comfortable and let them know what you need, too. Honour requests and communicate boundaries as appropriate. Most children just want to know that you’ll still be there for them. Reassure them.
Source – eddinscounseling.com
Relationship
Marriage is an emotional union
Marriage can be seen as an emotional union because it involves two people committing to each other in a deep and meaningful way. The emotional connection between spouses is a fundamental aspect of any healthy marriage. Emotional intimacy, trust, and support are all essential components of a happy and lasting marriage.
When two people decide to get married, they are making a commitment to share their lives with each other, which includes sharing their emotional states. This emotional connection can be established through: 1. communication, 2. trust, 3. conflict resolution, 4. shared experiences, and 5. empathic understanding.
1. Communication:
As earlier stated, one of the most important aspects of emotional connection in marriage is communication. Effective communication involves not only expressing one’s thoughts and feelings but also listening actively and empathetically to one’s spouse. Good communication is a key ingredient in building trust and intimacy in a marriage.
2. Trust:
Trust is also a vital element of emotional connection in marriage. Trust involves being reliable and consistent in one’s behaviour, as well as being transparent and honest with one’s spouse. When spouses trust each other, they feel more secure and comfortable being vulnerable with each other, which can deepen their emotional bond.
3. Conflict resolution:
Another important aspect of emotional connection in marriage is the ability to manage conflict effectively. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how spouses handle conflict can either strengthen or weaken their emotional bond. Healthy conflict management involves active listening, expressing oneself respectfully, and working together to find a solution that meets both spouses’ needs.
4. Shared experiences:
In addition to communication, trust, and conflict management, emotional connection in marriage is also built through shared experiences and creating a sense of shared meaning. This can involve things like shared hobbies or interests, participating in community service together, or creating traditions and rituals that hold special meaning for the couple.
5. Empathic understanding:
One important component of emotional connection in marriage is the ability to show empathy and understanding towards one’s spouse. This involves recognising and validating one’s spouse’s feelings, even if you do not necessarily agree with them. When partners feel heard and understood, they are more likely to feel emotionally connected and supported.
However, it is important to note that not all marriages are emotionally fulfilling. Sometimes, couples may find they have grown apart emotionally, or they are unable to meet each other’s emotional needs. In these cases, it may be necessary to seek professional counselling. You can contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) for professional help. Seek professional counselling when you find you have grown apart emotionally, or you’re unable to meet each other’s emotional needs in the marriage.
Marriage is a complex and multifaceted union, and emotional connection is just one aspect of it. Beyond emotional intimacy, marriage also involves spiritual, physical, financial, and social connections between spouses. In a healthy marriage, spouses support and encourage each other’s growth, and work together to navigate life’s challenges.
Marriage can be a deeply emotional, happy, fulfilling and lasting union when both spouses are committed to nurturing their emotional connection and building a strong foundation for their relationship. Spouses in a healthy marriage strive to understand and support each other, even during difficult times. Emotional connection in marriage does not necessarily mean spouses have to share every single emotion and thought with each other. It is okay to have some level of individuality and privacy in a marriage.
It is important to note that emotional connection in marriage does not necessarily mean spouses have to share every single emotion and thought with each other. It is okay to have some level of individuality and privacy in a marriage. However, as spouses, you should strive to maintain an emotional connection by regularly checking in with each other and making time for each other.
Finally, it is vital to recognise that emotional connection in marriage is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process. It requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to be vulnerable with each other. By prioritising emotional connection in your marriage, you and your spouse can build a strong foundation for a happy, lasting and fulfilling marital relationship.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
