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Chopmoney wahala!

Chopmoney should be dished out with extreme care

In some homes, money is no prob­lem. As Kwame Korkorti would put it, money is not a small boy! That is when money flows like the Rivers of Babylon and chopmoney is no problem at all.

Anyone who wants cash goes to Daddy’s drawer and collects a hand­ful. It is an offence to account for any money you take, for the simple reason that to account for monies taken from Daddy’s drawer would be seen as undermining Daddy’s credibility as someone who is filthy rich. Standards must be maintained. Everyone must feel free to spend.

It is the responsibility of someone to always make sure that the drawer is filled to capacity. Such a person fac­es severe sanctions if Madam comes to pick up the day’s chop money and finds the drawer only half-full.

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SABOTAGE

It would be regarded as sabotage of the highest order. The person is likely to be charged with the domes­tic version of treasonable felony. The punishment is that the person’s daily pocket money of ¢300,000 will be reduced by a quarter.

Madam goes to shop with a househ­elp who is perpetually excited. She sees new things everyday, eats new varieties of baked beans and corn­flakes. In the process, she refuses to believe that heaven is anywhere else other than in Daddy’s home.

All men are not equal! As it were, every human society is one akin to an animal farm. Some are born with a sil­ver spoon in their mouths; others die like church mice. Still others simply do not exist.

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Whatever it is, both the poor and rich must eat everyday, so the issu­ance of chopmoney is common to every home. It is the mode of dis­bursement that differs.

Where money is a scarce commod­ity, the chopmoney must be dished out with extreme care. It must be balanced against rent, electricity and water bills, food and medicare. Where the balance is thrown out of gear, then the man must either become a magician and do wonders or turn a financial wizard and engage himself in mysteries.

Financial magic is a professional course most Sikaman husbands take in order to enable them qualify as re­sponsible husbands. The only problem is that they are not issued with certifi­cates after graduation. Most laughable is the fact that they never realise that they have enrolled to study Financial Magic and have passed out with flying colours.

Furthermore, in the days of Kutu Acheampong, Ghana started receiving world acclaim as a country, where ev­ery man is a magician who has studied in the college of how to make ends meet.

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Those were the days when Gha­naians were asked to tighten their belts. But it was needless to ask them to tighten their belts, because they naturally had to, since their waistlines were nothing to write home about; and anyone who didn’t tighten his belt was bound to walk about naked. His pair of trousers would simply give way.

SECRET

In those ways, husbands were wary about the chopmoney they dished out. They were aware that wives had also gone to school to study how to over-estimate the daily chopmoney by discreetly inflating prices by a secret percentage on groceries and all con­sumables.

The wives were skilled-in over and under-invoicing, and the husbands had clear evidence of the newly acquired skills of their dear wives.

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The wives were constantly buying new funeral cloths, changing hair­styles, purchasing fashionable foot­wear, surprisingly without accessing foreign loans. It was a mystery hus­bands who could not unravel unless they became aware that their wives’ domestic accounting skills had become legendary.

Somehow, the women were justi­fied in engaging in domestic budgetary acrobatics and gymnastics to buy for themselves their needs because their husbands were not prepared to do that.

Moreover, they complained that their husbands smoked, drank ak­peteshie and chased women with their meagre salaries. After all these, they came back home and snored like pigs. So why shouldn’t the women resort to ‘chobo’ to get a few things for them­selves?

DEMAND

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Today, men have started demand­ing that their wives should get ready to start dishing out chopmoney in the wake of a new Bill that is seeking to make man and woman equal before God and Man. Men will no longer be considered head of the home and can­not insist on sex when their wives are not in the mood.

In that case, it would be difficult to come to terms with the fact that he who pays the piper does not call the tune. In any event of equality, rights as well as responsibilities must be shared across board.

Women should be required to give 50 per cent of the chopmoney and retain the right to ‘no sex’ and the freedom to wear double shorts to bed instead of a simple nightgown.

I wonder what will become of the culture that has propelled African mar­riages to outlast their European coun­terparts. Our fathers and fore-fathers, mothers and their forebears stayed put in marriage, sustained through an ideal cultural setting.

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Should this cultural setting become disturbed by man-made laws, the introduction of alien values and whims, marriage as an institution is bound to undergo a cataclysmic transformation.

The result will be widespread di­vorce, the proliferation of single moth­ers and a new breed of prostitutes, the abandonment of marital responsibili­ties, and the perpetration and perpet­uation of marital and domestic license and anarchy. God bless Sikaman.

This article was first published

on February 22, 2003

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Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 2)

David  rose and opened the door to the spare room. It was neat, as everything else in the house. He sank into the bed and stared at the ceiling. He had never hoped or expected his life to turn out that way.

Until some 12 hours ago, all seemed to be going well. He had already made a huge impact on his students, and the school. He was doing some extra-curricular work which was bringing in decent, regular income.

He had married a great looking, responsible young lady, and they had been blessed with a beautiful daugh­ter. The future could only be bright.

Yet all that had come crashing down. Gladys had been having an af­fair with her ex-boyfriend, during her pregnancy when he came to Ghana briefly, and over the last few days, when he returned.

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He confronted her with the evi­dence, and her denial was pathetic. It was over. He had pointed that out to her. Over the next hour he did a systematic review of the changes he would make.

The marriage was certainly over. And sadly, so was the Aboso SSS job. He would take a new major step in the next three months. As he was drifting off to sleep, his wife brought Sarah into the hall to breastfeed her. He woke up to rock her to sleep as usual, and went off to sleep.

The following morning, he left ear­ly for Agona Nkwanta, and informed his parents about the latest devel­opments. They were devastated, but promised to back him in every steps he took. He got back to school during the first break and carried on with his work.

He stayed on at work till after sev­en, renewing application procedures for a Master’s Degree programme in Germany which he had deferred. When he got back home his wife’s parents were waiting. His father-in-law wasted no time to get to the point.

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“My son, we came here with a simple, though difficult, task. Our daughter has confessed to us that she has offended you greviously. She went behind your back and had, er, an affair, with a young man with whom she was previously in a rela­tionship. She admits that she was foolish.

She says that her actions do not reflect a lack of respect for you as her husband, or her love for you. We are on our knees, my son, pleading with you to have mercy on her, take her back into your arms and get on with your life as man and wife. I have great confidence in you, that a great future awaits you. I’m humbly asking for your forgiveness, my son.”

“You have spoken well, Daddy. I have great respect for you and Mummy. You have been very kind and helpful to me, since I met Gladys. I regret, however, that I cannot be reconciled to her.

You see, Gladys resumed the relationship with Simon when he returned to Ghana some months ago. She was spending time with him at the hotel at a time when, as far as I know, she was carrying my child. And since he returned to Ghana a few days ago, they have continued to spend time at the hotel.

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So this is not a one-off thing. It is a relationship. I’m not going to say or do anything publicly, but the relationship is over. I will give her my fullest cooperation to give our daughter the best of care, but I will certainly move on with my life.”

“I have heard you, my son. Your re­action is both predictable and justi­fied. Here’s what I will do. I will give you a little time to think about my humble petition, and I will pray that God himself will touch your heart to tamper justice with mercy, and save this marriage.”

After this, two delegations from Gladys’s family went to engage David’s family to plead for resto­ration of the marriage, but he was adamant. They continued to live in the flat, apparently as man and wife, but although he didn’t disclose his plans to her, she knew that he would eventually move out. One morning, as they were leaving for work, Gladys issued an emphatic threat.

“David, my parents and relatives have been to see you, and virtually fallen at your feet, begging you to forgive me for my mistake, and allow us to move forward as man and wife, and take care of Sarah.

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But it appears that you are a perfect human being who does not make mistakes, and will, therefore, not forgive mistakes. Okay, you can take whatever step you want to take, but remember I also have an option. I will teach you a very bitter lesson, a lesson which you will never forget till you die.”

David smiled and eased himself out.

A couple of days later, David got home to find that Sarah was not around.

“Where’s Sarah?” he asked her.

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“Ah, David” she said with mock politeness, “there’s something I need to tell you. You see, Sarah is not actually yours. She is Simon’s baby. I’m very sorry for misleading you. Really sorry. I’m sure that being a young man, you will be able to find a nice young woman who will give you children as beautiful as Sarah.”

David stood and stared at her for a very long time while she laughed her­self into stitches. Then he stormed out and took a taxi to his parents’ house. After listening to him, his fa­ther told him his blunt, hard opinion.

“My son, I want you to brace yourself for a tough time. It is obvi­ous Gladys wants to punish you for rejecting her. She must have thought out her plan well before coming out to tell you.

You may want us to report to the police, social welfare or what have you, but my feeling is that if you play her game, she will string you round her finger for a long time. Therefore, I think you should call her bluff. Ig­nore her, difficult as it may seem. No matter how long it takes, the child will come back to us.”

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“Mama, what do you think?”

“I agree with your dad. Of course, there’s always the possibility that Sarah will actually be Simon’s, but it is highly unlikely. She has just con­nived with him to steal your child. Let’s ignore her. She will expect you to confront her and so on, but leave her alone.”

“I will do as you say, Mama and Dada, even though it is very diffi­cult. I will ask her to move out of my house. I will stay the night, and go back to Aboso tomorrow morning.”

There was no evidence of Gladys when he got home. She had cleared the house of virtually everything. David replaced some basic stuff whilst focusing on his next move. He found a replacement teacher for the school, and resigned.

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Although, he tried to leave quietly, the students, teachers and parents organised a party for him. There was great outpouring of grief as most people had learnt about the circum­stances under which he was leaving. As a token of appreciation for his passion for work, the school authori­ties named the playground Monsieur Park after him. He left for Germany, promising himself to work hard to put the last bitter experience behind him.

By Ekow de Heel

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 Migraines: Understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options

 Migraines are a type of neurological disor­der characterised by recurrent episodes of severe headaches, often accompanied by sensitivity to light, sound, and nausea.

According to the American Migraine Foundation, (AMF) over 39 million people in the United States suffer from migraines, with women being three times more likely to ex­perience them than men.

In this article, we will delve into the causes, symptoms, and treatment options of migraines, as well as provide tips on how to manage and prevent them.

What are migraines?

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Migraines are a complex neu­rological disorder that affects not only the brain but also the nervous system and blood ves­sels. During a migraine episode, the blood vessels in the brain expand, leading to inflamma­tion and pain.

Symptoms of migraines

The symptoms of migraines can vary from person to person, but common symptoms include:

1. Severe headache: A throb­bing or pulsating headache, usually on one side of the head.

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2. Sensitivity to light and sound: Increased sensitivity to light, sound, and sometimes even touch.

3. Nausea and vomiting: Feel­ing queasy or vomiting, which can lead to dehydration.

4. Dizziness and vertigo: Feeling lightheaded or experi­encing spinning sensations.

5. Aura symptoms: Some peo­ple experience aura symptoms, such as flashing lights, zigzag patterns, or numbness, before the headache begins.

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Causes and triggers of mi­graines

While the exact cause of migraines is still unknown, re­search suggests that a combina­tion of genetic, environmental, and hormonal factors con­tribute to their development. Common triggers of migraines include:

1. Genetics: Family history plays a significant role in mi­graine development.

2. Hormonal changes: Fluc­tuations in estrogen levels, such as during menstruation or menopause.

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3. Stress: Physical or emo­tional stress can trigger mi­graines.

4. Sensory stimuli: Bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells.

5. Food and drink: Certain foods, such as aged cheeses, citrus fruits, or foods contain­ing MSG or tyramine.

6. Sleep patterns: Changes in sleep patterns, such as insom­nia or oversleeping.

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7. Environmental factors: Changes in weather, altitude, or exposure to chemicals.

Treatment and management options

While there is no cure for migraines, various treatment options can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes. These include:

1. Medications: Over-the-counter pain relievers, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, or prescription medications, such as triptans or ergotamines.

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2. Lifestyle changes: Main­taining a consistent sleep schedule, staying hydrated, and avoiding triggers.

3. Relaxation techniques: Stress-reducing activities, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises.

4. Chiropractic care: Spinal manipulation and other chiro­practic techniques may help alleviate migraine symptoms.

5. Alternative therapies: Acu­puncture, massage, or herbal supplements, such as feverfew or butterbur.

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Preventing migraines

While migraines can be unpredictable, there are steps you can take to reduce their frequency and severity:

1. Keep a headache diary: Tracking your migraines can help you identify patterns and triggers.

2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule: Irregular sleep pat­terns can trigger migraines.

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3. Stay hydrated: Dehydra­tion is a common migraine trigger.

4. Avoid triggers: Identify and avoid triggers, such as certain foods or sensory stimuli.

5. Manage stress: Engage in stress-reducing activities, such as meditation or yoga.

When to seek medical at­tention

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While migraines can be debil­itating, some symptoms require immediate medical attention:

1. Severe or frequent mi­graines: If you experience more than 15 headache days per month.

2. Increasing frequency or se­verity: If your migraines worsen over time.

3. Aura symptoms: If you experience aura symptoms, such as numbness, weakness, or difficulty speaking.

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4. Headache with fever: If you have a headache accompa­nied by a fever, confusion, or stiff neck.

5. Recent head trauma: If you have experienced a recent head injury.

Conclusion

Migraines are a complex and debilitating neurological disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. While there is no cure, various treatment options and lifestyle changes can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes.

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By understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment op­tions of migraines, you can take control of your condition and improve your quality of life.

By Robert Ekow Grimmond Thompson

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