Relationship
Coping with separation or divorce
A couple contemplating divorce
Going through separation or divorce can be very difficult, no matter the reason. It can turn each partner’s world upside down and make it hard to concentrate at work and be productive.
But there are things one can do to get through this difficult situation.
Recognise that it is OK to have different feelings
It is normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated and confused – and these feelings can be intense. Each partner may also feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
Give yourself a break
Both partners should give themselves the permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. They may not be as productive on the job or care for others as before for a little while. Each partner needs to take time to heal, regroup and re-energise.
Do not go through it alone
Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help one get through this period. Consider joining a support group where members talk to each other in similar situations. Isolating oneself can raise the stress levels, reduce concentration, and get in the way of work, relationships and overall health. Do not be afraid to get outside help if you need it.
Take care of yourself emotionally and physically
Be good to yourself and to your body. Take time out to exercise, eat well and relax. Keep to your normal routines as much as possible. Try to avoid making major decisions or changes in your life plans. Do not use alcohol, drugs or cigarettes as a way to cope; they only lead to more problems.
Avoid power struggles and arguments with your spouse or former spouse
If a discussion begins to turn into a fight, calmly suggest that you both try talking again later and either walk away or hang up the phone.
Take time to explore your interests
Reconnect with things you enjoy doing apart from your spouse. Try doing things you had always wanted to do. Invest time in your hobbies, volunteer, and take time to enjoy life and make new friends.
Think positively
Find new activities and friends, and move forward with reasonable expectations to make the transition easier. Be flexible. If you have children, family traditions will still be important but some of them may need to be adjusted. Help create new family activities.
Life will get back to normal
With time, each partner will adjust to the situation and life will get back to normal, although “normal” may be different from what they had originally hoped. — MHA
Relationship
When the tides change
GONG! Gong! Gong! Gong! Fellow Umofians! I bring you good tidings from our forebearers! It is another day in our great land!
Umofians, there is good news from the village square! Hear ye, good people! Good deeds are like perfume, wafting sweet fragrances to our noses. You see, I recall market tales of a boy wonder, providing good roads, water, clothes, and food, making life comfortable for his community. Today, he stands before us ready to serve his people at the national level.
A big Akwaaba to this boy wonder! And as we the Ewes say, Woezor! We Umofians have long since heard of your good deeds and sung your praises! And now, as the winds of change sweep through the community, they carry the whispers of gratitude, louder than the rustling of harmattan leaves! Ayekoo! Indeed, no sun sets without its histories and you have written yours in golden letters. Y3 ma wo amo! Well done!
Speaking of change, Umofians, have you noticed how opinions can shift faster than Accra traffic during rush hour?
Ehe, I remember vividly that we were in this country when this boy wonder, now our illustrious lawmaker, was the self-appointed ‘Siren Police,’ vehemently opposing MPs for the use of sirens on our busy roads. But now the tides have changed, fellow Umofians, our rhythms are beating differently and we are singing a new tune. Indeed, life has a funny way of tooting its own horn… literally!
Buckle up, Umofians! Here is what you missed.
Breaking news from the village square: our newest Honourable member has had a change of heart! It seems he has traded in his ‘Siren Police’ badge for a dispatch rider’s helmet. Why, you ask? He had a scheduling conflict – attending the 92nd National Convention (Jalsa) of the Ahmadiyya Muslim at Gomoa Pomadze and parliamentary duties on the same day. Talk about multitasking!
Fellow Umofians, it seems the tides have indeed changed and so has our Honourable member’s tune! They say the wearer of the shoe knows where it hurts the most and now our Honourable member is feeling the pinch!
You see, it is ridiculously easy to play judge when you are sitting on the sidelines, sipping on a cold bottle of ‘Club Beer’, and watching the game unfold. But what happens when you are suddenly thrust into the hot seat?
Perhaps our dearest newest boy wonder has found out. After all, nothing screams “I have seen the light!” quite like being stuck in the mother of all traffic jams, late for a meeting. Suddenly, the wail of sirens seems like a symphony of efficiency. Honourable, your dramatic U-turn is a classic tale of “if you cannot beat them, join them.”
Until next time, stay vigilant and keep smiling!
To be continued……
With Eyram, the Tale Bearer
Relationship
Good reasons for getting married – Part 2
3. Marry because you are mature and ready for it in all ways: spiritual, physical, emotional, financial, and psychological.
You must understand the need to be ready and mature for marriage. Marriage is a crucial decision that requires careful consideration and preparation. Spiritual maturity means a strong faith and shared beliefs with your partner (Colossians 3:14).
Being physically mature has to do with coming of age, taking care of your body, and being able to support your partner. Emotional maturity implies you can manage your emotions and communicate well (Proverbs 15:1).
Financial maturity means being able to provide for your partner and home. It also means being financially stable (Proverbs 21:5). Whereas psychological maturity is about knowing yourself and handling life’s challenges (Romans 12:2).
All these factors help you be ready for marriage. They also help you build a strong, lasting relationship with your spouse.
The verses above show that a strong relationship with God, self-care, communication, financial responsibility, and personal growth are key to being ready for marriage.
4. Marry to spiritually and physically help each other.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman who choose to share their lives together. Spirituality and physical wellbeing are both essential components of a healthy relationship. Couples can enjoy supporting each other spiritually and physically. Here are some ways to achieve this.
Spiritual help:
a. Share your spiritual beliefs and practices with each other.
b. Attend church services or religious events together.
c. Pray together.
d. Discuss spiritual teachings and how they apply to your relationship.
e. Encourage each other to live a life of kindness, compassion, and service.
Physical help:
a. Exercise together.
b. Cook healthy meals and eat together.
c. Take care of each other’s physical needs.
d. Support each other during illnesses.
e. Sleep well and create a healthy sleep routine.
By supporting each other, couples can grow and strengthen their bond in all aspects of life.
5. Marry based on your God-given destiny and assignment in life.
Many believe that everyone has a unique, God-given destiny. It can guide decisions, including whom to marry. Some believe that God has a specific person for each individual. Others believe that God directs and helps them choose wisely.
Ask your marriage counsellor this: Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Marry based on a combination of reasons. These include compatibility, love, respect, and shared faith, values, and goals. Also, commit to supporting and caring for each other. It can help to seek advice from a trusted marriage counsellor, family members, or spiritual leaders. Also, reflect on your priorities and dreams before deciding.
Marriage can bring you and your partner closer together. You will share the same values and goals for your future. It can help you solidify your relationship and bring a sense of unity.
6. Marry for a lifelong commitment and dedication.
Marriage is a public declaration of commitment and dedication to each other. It shows that you are serious about your relationship and willing to put in the effort to make it work. Many marry to show their commitment and dedication to building a life together.
Marriage can provide a legal and social framework for you and your spouse to share your lives, support each other, and celebrate your successes. It can also create a sense of stability and security for both of you and any potential children you may have.
Finally, the choice to marry is personal and it should be based on your understanding of marriage and your needs, goals, and values.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite. com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
