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DNA and marital deceptions

Sikaman Palava

Ghanaians are becoming more scientific, perhaps too scien­tific for their own good. Some say they are scientific Christians and want to subject the doctrine of Jesus Christ to scientific analysis and proof. Such Christians need to be delivered in good time, lest they get struck on the way to Damascus.

Did I hear someone say the other day that he was following scientific diet? The person had formulated his own complex dietary regimen and called it scientific. I call it disaster. But who can blame him? There is freedom of speech. And the person’s stomach also has the freedom of expression, whether the stomach is manual or automatic.

A man has been battling a court case for some time now. His case is simple. He impregnated his girlfriend and together they were expecting the baby. A bouncy baby was delivered after five months and he celebrated with booze and break-dancing.

As he was preparing for an outdoor­ing, someone came to whisper into his left ear that his baby had already been outdoored and named by anoth­er man. He nearly developed stroke.

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When he made discreet enquiries, he realised it was true. A thick-tall barrel-chested man had already out­doored his baby in pomp and pageant­ry, brass band and spin-music backed by a live band performance. A come­dian was at the ceremony providing all the laughter needed to make for a grand occasion.

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He furiously confronted the girlfriend and she told him curtly: “The baby is not yours!” He nearly collapsed. Since when did the baby not become his? He endured a brief argument and then decided to send the matter to court.

Meanwhile he had information that his baby’s new father was someone who had been infertile or precise­ly was infertile. It meant that he couldn’t impregnate a woman no mat­ter the number of rounds he went per night. However, he was very success­ful and rich.

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He was alleged to have been looking desperately for offspring. So when he had an affair with a lady and she came with the news that she was pregnant, he did not even enquire whether it was by him or not. He quickly accepted responsibility.

However, another school of thought has it that the man plotted with the lady to get pregnant by another man and let him (the infertile man) take responsibility. Unfortunately, the alleged true father of the baby won’t let go, so the matter went to court.

When a paternity case winds up in court, then scientificity comes to play, because the judge cannot use his legal knowledge, no matter how vast, to ascertain the true father of the baby.

In hospital, the simple method of using the ABO blood group test has been often employed. If the father has Blood Group A and the mother has Blood Group B, it is automatic that the offspring must have Blood Group AB and not O. However, the child could have AB and still not belong to the man because the other man might also have Group A.

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So the most reliable method is what has made Ghanaians more scien­tific in their outlook lately. Everybody is talking about DNA. Even my grand­mother in the village knows about it, and she can tell you exactly what it is.

DNA in full is ‘Deoxyibonucleiacid’. It represents the genetic code of the human person. In other words your DNA determines how you look like. And there is a link between your DNA and that of all your offspring are iden­tical in a way. It is 99 per cent accu­rate in determining paternity.

JOY FM recently did an interesting programme on paternity. A man who won a US Visa lottery and wanted all his four kids to accompany him on the trip was required by the embassy to do a DNA on the kids. Lo and behold, two of them were certified as NOT his children. CHECK out the embarrass­ment!

ATOMIC

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If this is true, then it means that other grand exposures are in the pipe­line. Happy families are going to be shattered with the force of an atomic bomb. What is man going to do with a child he has loved and cared for, educated and has become emotionally attached to only to hear that he was spending all his fortune on another person’s child.

The human female is not supposed to have the attitude of a nanny goat who doesn’t know or care to know the father of her children. After all, no outdooring or naming ceremony will take place. And there will be no US VISA requirement, if a nanny goat “jams an international luck.” By acci­dent or by fate.

Well, I guess and more people will be getting curious about their off­spring, especially when your kid looks exactly like a man living a hundred metres away.

I am aware of a man who has three children and two are not his. The man is however content. I’m sure the wife would be in for some hefty cut­lass wounds. So in circumstances like this, it is better to let sleeping dogs lie. Revelations can bring tragedy. They can bring death.

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Now the question every family man should be asking himself is: How many of my children are mine? If you have cause to believe that all your kids are not yours, you can drag your wife for a DNA together with the kids trailing behind you. But remember you might end up with a hefty slap from your wife if the DNAs prove that the kids are all yours, after all.

Whatever it is, women should be coming to terms with the fact that people are indeed becoming more sci­entific. So gone are the days that you get pregnant by another man and give the child to another. Chances are that you might be found out and disgraced.

The human female must stop being a problem unto herself.

This article was first published on September 3, 2005

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Features

Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 2)

David  rose and opened the door to the spare room. It was neat, as everything else in the house. He sank into the bed and stared at the ceiling. He had never hoped or expected his life to turn out that way.

Until some 12 hours ago, all seemed to be going well. He had already made a huge impact on his students, and the school. He was doing some extra-curricular work which was bringing in decent, regular income.

He had married a great looking, responsible young lady, and they had been blessed with a beautiful daugh­ter. The future could only be bright.

Yet all that had come crashing down. Gladys had been having an af­fair with her ex-boyfriend, during her pregnancy when he came to Ghana briefly, and over the last few days, when he returned.

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He confronted her with the evi­dence, and her denial was pathetic. It was over. He had pointed that out to her. Over the next hour he did a systematic review of the changes he would make.

The marriage was certainly over. And sadly, so was the Aboso SSS job. He would take a new major step in the next three months. As he was drifting off to sleep, his wife brought Sarah into the hall to breastfeed her. He woke up to rock her to sleep as usual, and went off to sleep.

The following morning, he left ear­ly for Agona Nkwanta, and informed his parents about the latest devel­opments. They were devastated, but promised to back him in every steps he took. He got back to school during the first break and carried on with his work.

He stayed on at work till after sev­en, renewing application procedures for a Master’s Degree programme in Germany which he had deferred. When he got back home his wife’s parents were waiting. His father-in-law wasted no time to get to the point.

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“My son, we came here with a simple, though difficult, task. Our daughter has confessed to us that she has offended you greviously. She went behind your back and had, er, an affair, with a young man with whom she was previously in a rela­tionship. She admits that she was foolish.

She says that her actions do not reflect a lack of respect for you as her husband, or her love for you. We are on our knees, my son, pleading with you to have mercy on her, take her back into your arms and get on with your life as man and wife. I have great confidence in you, that a great future awaits you. I’m humbly asking for your forgiveness, my son.”

“You have spoken well, Daddy. I have great respect for you and Mummy. You have been very kind and helpful to me, since I met Gladys. I regret, however, that I cannot be reconciled to her.

You see, Gladys resumed the relationship with Simon when he returned to Ghana some months ago. She was spending time with him at the hotel at a time when, as far as I know, she was carrying my child. And since he returned to Ghana a few days ago, they have continued to spend time at the hotel.

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So this is not a one-off thing. It is a relationship. I’m not going to say or do anything publicly, but the relationship is over. I will give her my fullest cooperation to give our daughter the best of care, but I will certainly move on with my life.”

“I have heard you, my son. Your re­action is both predictable and justi­fied. Here’s what I will do. I will give you a little time to think about my humble petition, and I will pray that God himself will touch your heart to tamper justice with mercy, and save this marriage.”

After this, two delegations from Gladys’s family went to engage David’s family to plead for resto­ration of the marriage, but he was adamant. They continued to live in the flat, apparently as man and wife, but although he didn’t disclose his plans to her, she knew that he would eventually move out. One morning, as they were leaving for work, Gladys issued an emphatic threat.

“David, my parents and relatives have been to see you, and virtually fallen at your feet, begging you to forgive me for my mistake, and allow us to move forward as man and wife, and take care of Sarah.

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But it appears that you are a perfect human being who does not make mistakes, and will, therefore, not forgive mistakes. Okay, you can take whatever step you want to take, but remember I also have an option. I will teach you a very bitter lesson, a lesson which you will never forget till you die.”

David smiled and eased himself out.

A couple of days later, David got home to find that Sarah was not around.

“Where’s Sarah?” he asked her.

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“Ah, David” she said with mock politeness, “there’s something I need to tell you. You see, Sarah is not actually yours. She is Simon’s baby. I’m very sorry for misleading you. Really sorry. I’m sure that being a young man, you will be able to find a nice young woman who will give you children as beautiful as Sarah.”

David stood and stared at her for a very long time while she laughed her­self into stitches. Then he stormed out and took a taxi to his parents’ house. After listening to him, his fa­ther told him his blunt, hard opinion.

“My son, I want you to brace yourself for a tough time. It is obvi­ous Gladys wants to punish you for rejecting her. She must have thought out her plan well before coming out to tell you.

You may want us to report to the police, social welfare or what have you, but my feeling is that if you play her game, she will string you round her finger for a long time. Therefore, I think you should call her bluff. Ig­nore her, difficult as it may seem. No matter how long it takes, the child will come back to us.”

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“Mama, what do you think?”

“I agree with your dad. Of course, there’s always the possibility that Sarah will actually be Simon’s, but it is highly unlikely. She has just con­nived with him to steal your child. Let’s ignore her. She will expect you to confront her and so on, but leave her alone.”

“I will do as you say, Mama and Dada, even though it is very diffi­cult. I will ask her to move out of my house. I will stay the night, and go back to Aboso tomorrow morning.”

There was no evidence of Gladys when he got home. She had cleared the house of virtually everything. David replaced some basic stuff whilst focusing on his next move. He found a replacement teacher for the school, and resigned.

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Although, he tried to leave quietly, the students, teachers and parents organised a party for him. There was great outpouring of grief as most people had learnt about the circum­stances under which he was leaving. As a token of appreciation for his passion for work, the school authori­ties named the playground Monsieur Park after him. He left for Germany, promising himself to work hard to put the last bitter experience behind him.

By Ekow de Heel

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 Migraines: Understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options

 Migraines are a type of neurological disor­der characterised by recurrent episodes of severe headaches, often accompanied by sensitivity to light, sound, and nausea.

According to the American Migraine Foundation, (AMF) over 39 million people in the United States suffer from migraines, with women being three times more likely to ex­perience them than men.

In this article, we will delve into the causes, symptoms, and treatment options of migraines, as well as provide tips on how to manage and prevent them.

What are migraines?

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Migraines are a complex neu­rological disorder that affects not only the brain but also the nervous system and blood ves­sels. During a migraine episode, the blood vessels in the brain expand, leading to inflamma­tion and pain.

Symptoms of migraines

The symptoms of migraines can vary from person to person, but common symptoms include:

1. Severe headache: A throb­bing or pulsating headache, usually on one side of the head.

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2. Sensitivity to light and sound: Increased sensitivity to light, sound, and sometimes even touch.

3. Nausea and vomiting: Feel­ing queasy or vomiting, which can lead to dehydration.

4. Dizziness and vertigo: Feeling lightheaded or experi­encing spinning sensations.

5. Aura symptoms: Some peo­ple experience aura symptoms, such as flashing lights, zigzag patterns, or numbness, before the headache begins.

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Causes and triggers of mi­graines

While the exact cause of migraines is still unknown, re­search suggests that a combina­tion of genetic, environmental, and hormonal factors con­tribute to their development. Common triggers of migraines include:

1. Genetics: Family history plays a significant role in mi­graine development.

2. Hormonal changes: Fluc­tuations in estrogen levels, such as during menstruation or menopause.

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3. Stress: Physical or emo­tional stress can trigger mi­graines.

4. Sensory stimuli: Bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells.

5. Food and drink: Certain foods, such as aged cheeses, citrus fruits, or foods contain­ing MSG or tyramine.

6. Sleep patterns: Changes in sleep patterns, such as insom­nia or oversleeping.

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7. Environmental factors: Changes in weather, altitude, or exposure to chemicals.

Treatment and management options

While there is no cure for migraines, various treatment options can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes. These include:

1. Medications: Over-the-counter pain relievers, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, or prescription medications, such as triptans or ergotamines.

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2. Lifestyle changes: Main­taining a consistent sleep schedule, staying hydrated, and avoiding triggers.

3. Relaxation techniques: Stress-reducing activities, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises.

4. Chiropractic care: Spinal manipulation and other chiro­practic techniques may help alleviate migraine symptoms.

5. Alternative therapies: Acu­puncture, massage, or herbal supplements, such as feverfew or butterbur.

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Preventing migraines

While migraines can be unpredictable, there are steps you can take to reduce their frequency and severity:

1. Keep a headache diary: Tracking your migraines can help you identify patterns and triggers.

2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule: Irregular sleep pat­terns can trigger migraines.

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3. Stay hydrated: Dehydra­tion is a common migraine trigger.

4. Avoid triggers: Identify and avoid triggers, such as certain foods or sensory stimuli.

5. Manage stress: Engage in stress-reducing activities, such as meditation or yoga.

When to seek medical at­tention

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While migraines can be debil­itating, some symptoms require immediate medical attention:

1. Severe or frequent mi­graines: If you experience more than 15 headache days per month.

2. Increasing frequency or se­verity: If your migraines worsen over time.

3. Aura symptoms: If you experience aura symptoms, such as numbness, weakness, or difficulty speaking.

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4. Headache with fever: If you have a headache accompa­nied by a fever, confusion, or stiff neck.

5. Recent head trauma: If you have experienced a recent head injury.

Conclusion

Migraines are a complex and debilitating neurological disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. While there is no cure, various treatment options and lifestyle changes can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes.

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By understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment op­tions of migraines, you can take control of your condition and improve your quality of life.

By Robert Ekow Grimmond Thompson

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