Obaa Yaa
How do I convince my upset daughter
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Just before my husband’s trip, we tried to squeeze in a quick moment of intimacy. Our children were preoccupied – one was playing outside, and the other was napping.
We didn’t lock the door, thinking it would be a brief encounter. But our 12-year-old walked in on us, which was embarrassing.
We immediately stopped and debated who should talk to her first. Meanwhile, my neighbour called, concerned that our daughter seemed upset after trying to talk to us but we were busy.
We had a heart-to-heart talk with her, explaining that our love for each other is natural. However, she didn’t respond and seemed distant.
Now, with my husband away, I feel uncomfortable around our daughter, who has become quiet and withdrawn.
Will things get better?
Asabea,
Takoradi.
Dear Asabea,
I SUGGEST you give your daughter some time. It is natural for her to feel how she is feeling, especially if it’s her first time seeing such a thing.
It could be that she might be feeling guilty and traumatised for ruining your moments.
However, I will suggest you always lock your doors when you’re about to have an intimacy.
Please teach your children how to respect privacy.
They should knock before entering other people’s rooms.
Obaa Yaa
She used to see a mallam
Dear Obaa Yaa,
TWO years ago I went and consulted a mallam to help me get a husband. Each time, I meet a certain girl there, but we never talked, not even a simple greeting, because I did not feel comfortable to be seen at a mallam’s house.
Somehow, I started going to church and I stopped going to the mallam.
Can you imagine the shock when my elder brother recently brought this same girl home?
But what even surprised me is that the girl does not give any indication that she knows me.
I am confused because I know my brother will never forgive me if I should be the cause of trouble between them, but I don’t want him to marry someone who got him through foul means.
Please advise me on the right course to take.
T.G, Kumasi.
Dear T.G,
YOU should not be too quick in judging your brother’s girl. After all, you also went to the mallam before giving up to go to church. May be she also did the same thing, and met your brother through a natural way.
Whatever it is, the only way that you would be able to know anything at all is by talking to her, but you will have to be tactful about it.
Mind you, she does not owe you any explanations, because she could turn around to accuse you too.
What is important at this stage is to try and convince your brother’s girl, is if she still goes to the mallam, to give up just like you did. You could even invite her to your church.
Obaa Yaa
She has changed her attitude
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married to my wife for several years and we have had a fairly good marriage.
She started work last year after five years of being a housewife, and her attitude towards me has changed. She no longer wait on me the way she used to and lately she gets annoyed easily.
Our home is no longer a happy place even though we eat better than before. I am tempted to let her stop the work, but she will not even compromise on that.
How can I make her to see what she is doing to me?
C. C, Accra.
Dear C. C,
JUST what is your wife doing to you? I do believe that if there is any compromising to be done, it should come from you. If you are no longer shouldering all the financial burden, you should show some appreciation by helping with house chores. And doing things for yourself is one way of helping.
And come to think of it, marriage is supposed to be sharing and not one partner waiting on the other; except perhaps when that partner is sick.
If you want happiness and peace of mind, treat her like a partner and discuss all your problems. Any decision that you take should be mutual, otherwise one of you will always be dissatisfied.
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