Relationship
How to resolve trust issues in a relationship
A loving relationship can be a beautiful union of two people. To achieve this goal, there are several aspects within the relationship that need to function optimally. The most important aspect is trust.
Trust is built and maintained by many small actions over time. Trust issues in a relationship can instigate fear and judgment can become clouded and doubt and suspicion may grow.
For a happy relationship to work, the people involved must be able to trust each other. Couples often wonder how to fix trust issues in a relationship or specifically how to deal with trust issues in a relationship especially, because, at the beginning of a relationship, things typically seem rosy and beautiful.
There is usually a lot of excitement and small transgressions are easily forgiven and set-aside.
Once you get past the initial infatuation, however, and the relationship begins to blossom, you truly begin to learn where the relationship is headed and a deep foundation of trust can begin to develop or diffuse.
When both people are honest, open, and trustworthy, couples can easily grow confident in the path their relationship is on within a few weeks. Within this trusting relationship, it becomes easy for them to decide what the future holds for them together.
Sometimes, unfortunately, when either one or both people in a relationship have a hard time opening their hearts to trusting one another, it can grow very frustrating.
If there is a genuine desire to build a loving relationship, however, this frustration does not have to mean the end
Every relationship hits a few roadblocks during its course. The key is to fix trust issues or anything else and work toward resolving them.
Trust issues in a relationship
A healthy relationship cannot grow without trust. Sometimes, previous life experiences can severely affect your ability to trust other people.
Sadly, many people have faced terrible disappointments in the form of heartbreaking betrayal. If you or your significant other are struggling with this issue, it is important that you work it out together.
Trust is something that has to be earned through trustworthy behaviour. Words, gifts, and promises do little to restore trust. It is the consistent trustworthy actions that count.
Mistrust can result in terrible side effects. In an environment of mistrust, you may experience higher than normal levels of anxiety, self-doubt, and a severe lack of confidence. This does not have to mean the end of your relationships. You can learn to trust people again. All you need to do is give them, and yourself, a chance.
The first thing you should do is try to identify why you or your partner have trust issues. In a kind and gentle way, you can ask “What things can I do to help me or my partner feel safer in our relationship?
Reasons there are trust issues in a relationship
If you are wondering how to overcome trust issues, you must understand the reasons for these issues in your relationship.
To be continued…
Relationship
Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
1. Get to know yourself
Take the time to appreciate yourself and get in touch with your emotions to be able to express yourself clearly and more effectively.
Not knowing how to regulate your emotions and express them healthily can negatively affect your mental well-being.
2. Put in the work
Healthy relationships are not found but built.
A healthy relationship needs commitment and willingness to be accommodating to each other’s needs.
3. Set and respect boundaries
Setting boundaries is not only about what you don’t want or like in your relationships, but also about letting the people around you know what you appreciate.
Think about and let others know where your boundaries are; respecting your time alone for example.
Doing this can take the pressure off your relationship to commit to anything unrealistic.
4. Talk and listen
All relationships have disagreements and that’s ok. What matters is how you talk and listen to one another.
Listen to understand, rather than listening to respond.
Don’t be afraid to express your emotions or vulnerabilities with people you trust.
5. Let go of control
A lot of life is about how we react to our experiences and encounters. Knowing that you can only really control what you do and not what anyone else does will save you time and stress.
6. Reflect and learn
If you have a healthy way of expressing your feelings, you’re able to react to other people’s in a healthy way. Being angry with someone often comes from a place of feeling hurt and upset. If you can recognise that, you can communicate it, and build better relationships with others.
Reflect on the relationships that work best in your life, what qualities do these relationships have, and how can you bring these qualities into other relationships?
Relationship
Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse
When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the qualities, characteristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.
Why Non-Negotiables Matter?
Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relationship.
Types of Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables can be categorized into several types:
1. Values-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For example, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.
2. Personality-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extroverted.
3. Lifestyle-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and independence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.
4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotional needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and validating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.
5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables related to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.
How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:
1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most important to you in life? What do you stand for?
2. Think about your past relationships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?
3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?
4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and prioritize them.
Prioritising Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-negotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-negotiables:
1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of importance.
2. Categorise them: Categorize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.
3. Consider the consequences: Consider the consequences of compromising on each non-negotiable.
Communicating Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotiables, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-negotiables:
1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-negotiables.
2. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to compromise.
Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essential for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By knowing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to communicate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compromise and negotiation.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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