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INFERTILITY STIGMA, A SILENT KILLER

August 29, 2015 was a joyous day for me, I happily got married. Yes! It was my wedding day with all the glitz, fun and merry. During the ceremony a prayer was said for me for the fruit of the womb.

When it was time for the picture session, a woman whispered to me and said, “Agnes, you are not done yet, make sure a year by now, we attend your baby christening, do you hear me,”

At least this woman should allow me to enjoy the moment of the ceremony without any interference.

So right from the church auditorium pressure started to mount on me. Fast forward, after a year, no sign of pregnancy.

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Almost all my friends who got married in 2015 had their babies christening the following year. This reminded me of what the lady whispered on my wedding day. During a church revival, the pastor called women who were married but had no children to approach him for divine intervention.

 As a believer I hurriedly got up, there were other women who joined me because they had similar issue (infertile). The man of God prayed for us. My husband and I later decided to seek medical help which we did.

To my surprise in 2017 January I discovered I was pregnant! Oh My God! No words could describe how happy my husband and I were. Because this was a sign of relief from all the hustles and difficulty in explaining to people who kept on asking me, when I was going to have children.

There were those who told me I was aging, therefore needed to give birth and others who advised me to consult a herbalist or a prophet who could fast track things in helping me to conceive.

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 In my first trimester, I lost the pregnancy, a scan at a hospital showed that I had lost the pregnancy. My world came crushing down, how do I face and answer these people who have been asking me all sort of questions.

In that same year, I lost another pregnancy and I would never forget the anguish.

One afternoon as I went to the canteen for lunch a colleague at office drew a chair and sat beside me. She murmured “Agnes what are you doing, its been some years since you got married, are you not ready to conceive?”.

This colleague did not consider the fact that we were in a public place, therefore someone could hear what she asked. I lost appetite, I just gave her a smile ,got up and left the scene.

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At a point in my life, I lost interest in attending social gatherings just to avoid being questioned. Yes! I was tired of being reminded I need to have my own babies. Fed-up of being directed to see herbalists. Tired of being prayed for during church revivals. I kept questioning myself whether being a woman is a mistake, or a crime.

Last year which was my fourth wedding anniversary marked the turning point in my life. I  was finally blessed with a bouncy baby girl. On January 18, 2020 at a family gathering, I was told to have a second child, meanwhile my daughter is only 7 months old. Another pressure has set in, but I would not allow anyone to frustrate me. At my own pace I would decide when the next child would arrive.  Say no to infertility stigma now.

It sad to note that most couple especially women are under pressure due such problem in marriage which has resulted in many breakdown of marriages.

Have individuals, society and the world at large thought about how such women feel whenever they are questioned or ridiculed on their infertility status?

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My husband stood by me and advised that I pay no attention to such people during such trying times. Society has forgotten that “It takes Two to Tango” therefore it is not the sole responsibility of a woman to get pregnant.

Speaking to Dr Hope Quashie Mensah, Gynecologist at the 37 Military Hospital advised women facing infertility not to resort to herbal medicine but to see a doctor for investigation, adding that infertility could be treated.

According to him, some women resort to herbal concoction which leads to serious health implication and end up damaging their kidneys just because they want children and their peace of mind.

“You do not have to kill yourself because you think you cannot have children, there is hope in every situation, do not accept the pressure from society but keep on seeing your health professionals and with God all things are possible,” he said

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In our Africansociety we have attached too much importance on children in marriage that, every couple is expected to have children by all means. But elsewhere, people marry and they decide whether to have children or not.

 Here, normally the pressure from in-laws is usually mounted on the womanas it mostly assumed that it’s the sole responsibility of the woman to produce children.

When people marry within the first three months with continuoussexual intercourse then couples should be able to expect their first child that is if there is no reproductive health problem with any of them.

Dr Mensah said, research indicates that 60 per cent of infertility cases are due to male infertility and not only women were the cause, “In fact it is never so, we have noticed that most of the infertility issues are men factors, up to 60 per cent men,”

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Being a victim of infertility stigma I think it is time the world take up the challenge, break infertility stigma and help couples who are struggling with infertility issues.

Training programs on infertility should be championed by leaders in the society to educate members especially men, that infertility issues are not only women related. Also to encourage women not to accept the fact that they could not conceive but boldly say no to infertility stigma that has become a canker.

As women, let us support our fellow women who might be going through infertility issues, because most of the infertility stigma are perpetuated by women. Women ridicule their own sisters, aunties, sister in laws for not being able to conceive.

Religious leaders should also know that not all infertility cases are spiritual, therefore the need to advise infertile couples to seek medical attention. Husbands should not join others to ridicule their wives but rather support them to overcome the situation. Family members should all support the call against infertility stigma. Couples with such issues should seek early medical treatment or advice. Government should also roll outprogrammes and interventions that would educate and deal with infertility related issues particularly in reducing the high cost of treatment.

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Media organisations should sieve advertisements that project herbal concoctions which claim to cure infertility. Infertility stigma is so painful that it kills ones soul, body and mind silently. Infertility stigma is a silent killer, therefore let us join hands in fighting it.

By AGNES OPOKU SARPONG

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The Prophet part 5

In the course of giving ‘directions,’ Osofo Antubam asked two wom­en to wait till he finished with those in the queue. He had quietly suggested that he needed to spend time with them in order to detect the exact source of their problems, and they had also indicated their willingness to spend more time with him. He had one main objective in mind.

Mary and Suzzie had proven to be hugely helpful to him, but they had failed to help in the one most important area – the bedroom. He didn’t want to make the mistake of spending another night alone, and he wanted an alternative arrangement, just in case the girls disappointed him again. His action proved to be very wise, a few min­utes later.

“Osofo, we have finished. The total figure today for the offering, tithes and consultations is GH¢5, 200. We want to add them to yes­terday’s money and pay it into the account, after you have taken what you need for your personal and church expenses.”

“I have already taken some mon­ey from the consultation fees, so please pay it all into the account. I will see you at the house, won’t I?’‘Osofo’, Suzzie replied, ‘I wish you could go with us to the bank. If you could introduce yourself briefly to the Manager, we would then pay the money into the bank and give the receipts to you.” “Don’t worry, ladies.

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Just go to the bank and see to on it, and call me. Let me know when you are coming to the house.” The ladies agreed and left. “Well then’, Suzzie said, ‘how much did we make today?” “Let me see” “Mary replied. “GH₵ 600.”

“Good. Now let’s pay his money into the account and go home. Did you see those ladies who stayed behind? I think the Osofo will be having them for desert after eating our food. “I saw it clearly. And did you notice that he wants us to call him when we are leaving for his house.”

“Mary, I told you that very soon the ladies will be fighting over him. He may keep us on for some time, but eventually he will sack us when he realises that we have no inten­tion of sleeping with him.

“Now,” Osofo Antubam addressed Maame Lydia, “what I want you to do is to go home and get a few things to spend the night at the mis­sion house. I will spend time to get to the bottom of this problem.

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I assure you that from tomorrow, you will see a complete change in your business, and you will also notice that you will look radiant, and everyone will notice you for the beautiful woman you are.”

“I thank you, Osofo. I believe you. I know you will help me.” “Take this for taxi in and out. Call me when you are leaving home, and I will give you the directions to the mission house.”

“Now, he said to Abena Grace, ‘let’s go to the mission house. Today, we will solve the problems permanently. From tomorrow, there will be a new Abena Grace, prosper­ous and beautiful.”

“Amen, Osofo, thank you so much,” Abena replied as they walked to the roadside to join the waiting taxi. “It’s almost seven,” Suzzie said to Mary. Let’s call him. Mary called, and Osofo Antubam answered. “Osofo, the account was opened this afternoon.

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We paid the money in. We have all the documents here. When shall we bring them?” “Er, Mary, why don’t you bring them early tomorrow morning? If you can’t get here by five in the morning, then let’s meet at the church.”

“Okay then, Osofo, I think we’ll meet you at church.” “I told you Mary,” Suzzy said. “He must be busy enjoying his desert. We will have another plan ready by tomorrow.” “How long are we going to be in this business, Suzie? When do we stop?” Don’t be silly, Mary.

Have you got enough money to set up your salon? As for me, I need money to pay the rent advance on a shop in a good location, some money to buy some stuff to stock the shop, and some cash to keep for personal expenses.

The rate at which we are going, we could be okay in about two weeks. A couple of rich men can come any time to consult him, and that could solve our problem quick­ly. Have patience, Mary. We’ll be okay very soon. And don’t worry about the wife or concubine busi­ness.

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I have already told you that I will never allow this fake pastor to even kiss any of us.” ‘Osofo,” Maame Lydia said as they waited for a taxi, “when do I see you again? I can come tomorrow if you want.”

“Let’s talk after the service tomorrow. I will try to find some time’. He hailed a taxi, paid the fare and ushered her in. Within a few minutes of entering his room, Abena Grace knocked, and Antubam ushered her in.

He poured a drink for the two of them. Make yourself comfortable, Lydia. We will have an enjoyable evening, and at the same time, you will see the end of your problems.

The whispers woke him up. It’s getting to time, they seemed to be saying. The radio people will come today. Get ready to go with them. You can start in Koforidua, then Kumasi, then Accra.

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You will soon be too busy for the daily services. Change from daily to Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You will be in demand all over the nation. Very soon, others will be jealous of your success.

Antubam nodded in appreciation. It’s getting interesting, he told himself. Very interesting. “Osofo, did you hear some strange noises like voices?” Abena Grace asked. “Voices? Maybe you were dreaming, Abena.

Now, why don’t you get closer to me and forget about voices in your dreams?” She didn’t mention the subject again, but she was very certain that some strange voices were speaking in the room.

And she noticed that Osofo Antu­bam was listening intently and nod­ding. She needed solutions to her problems urgently, and her friend Yaa Takyiwaa had told her about this new pastor who was doing wonders, and urged her to seek his assistance.

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She agreed to go to his home be­cause she thought that would help her get the solutions quicker. But even though she had never encoun­tered them before, she had heard stories about dwarfs who provided all manner of spiritual solutions to people who helped them.

And she knew that in the long run, the results were disastrous. No, she decided. She will not have anything more to do with a pastor who employed dwarfs. “Osofo, I want to go home before my parents wake up.”

By Ekow de Heer

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 ‘Allahu As-Samad’ (Part 2)

 Excellence of Tawakkul (Complete reliance on Allah)

In an ahadith of the Prophet Muhammad. It is narrated by Umar ibn Al-Khattab (RA):

“If you were to rely upon Allah with reliance due to Him, He would provide for you as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning hungry and return with their bellies full.”

(Tirmidhi, Hadith 2344; Ibn Majah, Hadith 4164)

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This hadith beautifully illus­trates the concept of tawakkul (reliance on Allah). It emphasis­es that true reliance on Allah, coupled with taking necessary actions (as the birds do by leaving their nests in search of food), and ensures that Allah will fulfill our needs.

Interdependence among Humans

Although Allah is As-Samad and entirely independent, He created human beings to rely on one another as part of His divine wisdom. This interdepen­dence fosters relationships and builds communities. Allah says:

“And We have created you in pairs.” (Qur’an 78:8).

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The Prophet likened the be­lievers to a single body, saying:

“The believers, in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy, are just like one body. When one part of the body suffers, the whole body responds with sleeplessness and fever.” (Bukhari, Hadith 6011; Muslim, Hadith 2586).

Teaching the Concept of As-Samad to Our Children

To inculcate the concept of As-Samad in the lives of our children, we must start with education, role modeling, and active engagement:

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•Teach Through the Qur’an and Sunnah: Introduce Surah Al-Ikhlas to children early on, explaining the meanings of As-Samad. Share relevant sto­ries from the Qur’an and hadith that illustrate Allah’s indepen­dence and mercy.

•Encourage Dua and Reli­ance on Allah: Teach children to seek Allah’s help in all matters, big or small. Reinforce that Allah is the one who pro­vides, protects, and guides.

•Foster Gratitude and Tawakkul: Instill a sense of gratitude for Allah’s blessings and reliance on Him during challenges. Encourage children to say, “Hasbunallahu wa ni’mal wakeel” (Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs) (Qur’an 3:173).

•Model Interdependence: Demonstrate how reliance on Allah does not negate col­laboration with others. For example, encourage teamwork, sharing, and helping others while emphasizing that Allah is the ultimate provider.

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Leveraging Strengths to Build Society

Allah has created each indi­vidual with unique strengths and abilities. It is our respon­sibility to recognise these gifts and use them to benefit others. Allah commands:

“Help one another in acts of righteousness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and transgression.” (Qur’an 5:2).

The Prophet said:

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“The best of people are those who bring the most benefit to others.” (Tabarani, Hadith 8597).

Islam’s Call to Unity and Compassion

Islam is a religion that pro­motes unity, love, and compas­sion. Allah commands believers to maintain unity and avoid division:

“And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become di­vided.” (Qur’an 3:103).

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The Prophet empha­sized the importance of caring for others:

“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Bukhari, Had­ith 13; Muslim, Hadith 45).

Conclusion

In conclusion, the concept of As-Samad teaches us to recog­nise Allah’s perfection, inde­pendence, and sufficiency. As believers, we must:

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• Acknowledge our dependence on Allah and place our absolute trust in Him.

• Teach and inculcate the concept of As-Samad into the lives of our children, fostering reliance on Allah and gratitude for His blessings.

• Recognise the interde­pendence among humans and actively support one another in righteousness.

• Promote unity, compas­sion, and generosity within our communities.

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Allah and His Angels send Salaat and Salaam upon His Nabiyi, Oh Ye who believe, send the blessing upon the Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.).

May Allah guide us to em­body the meanings of As-Samad in our lives, strengthen our reliance on Him, and bless our families with faith and under­standing. Ameen.

References

1. Qur’an 112:1-4

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2. Qur’an 10:3

3. Qur’an 31:26

4. Qur’an 35:15. Qur’an 65:3. Qur’an 78:8. Qur’an 5:2. Qur’an 3:103

5. Tafsir Ibn Kathir, Surah Al-Ikhlas

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6. Muslim, Hadith 2577

7. Tirmidhi, Hadith 2516

8. Bukhari, Hadith 4684

9. Tabarani, Hadith 8597

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10. Bukhari, Hadith 6011

 By Imam Alhaji Saeed Abdulai, 1BN – Michel Camp

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