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Is apology necessary in one’s life?

Can you apologise for something you did not do for the sake of peace?  This is a vital question on the Facebook wall of Jef Carter Senior.  Days after this blog was posted on his wall, there have been interesting and divergent views from numerous followers of the page. Some did not recognise the need to apologise for something you did not do just for peace to prevail while others felt that in order to allow a sleeping dog to lie peacefully, there is the need to say sorry.

EXCHANGES WITH COLLEAGUE JOURNALIST

I had some exchanges with my colleague journalist and a friend, Doreen Hammond, the current editor of the Mirror newspaper on this particular issue. While I felt that at certain times, situations demanded that one should say sorry even though that person was not the cause of a problem to ensure peace, my sister disagreed and differed with me totally.  Her argument was that she was very accommodative, but that should not mean that she should apologise for what she had not done.  As she put it, “I let a lot of things slide and tolerate a lot but why that? So, I should for example, apologise for assaulting someone when I haven’t”, she asked.  I went further to draw her attention to the fact that she was comparing two different scenarios explaining to her that assault was something physical which even if committed indoors between couples, demanded an arbitration because of the physical injuries involved, and that was different from insulting each other verbally and other mere offences, but my colleague would never budge. Of course, we are all entitled to our opinions and we have to accept it like that.

APOLOGY AND WHAT IT ENTAILS

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Since this topic is so interesting and thought-provoking, I have decided to use my column to discuss into detail, the essence of rendering an apology and what the act of doing that means to people and society in general in order to ginger up divergent opinions and views to advance the course of progress,

Apology in clear terms as explained in the dictionary, is something that you say or write in order to tell someone that you are sorry that you have hurt them or cause trouble to them.  It is, therefore, an act of showing remorse and regretting for something you have done a person, group of people, as well as establishments.  It is not a shame to tell a person you are sorry if you know deep down your heart that you have offended him or her and regret for your action.

APOLOGY REPAIRS RELATIONSHIP

Rendering an apology helps repair relationship by getting people to talk to each other or one another following some misunderstanding and makes them feel comfortable with each other again.  A sincere apology that comes from the heart allows you to know that you are not proud of what you did and, therefore, will not repeat that same behaviour.  It does not matter if we hurt someone intentionally or accidentally, we have to take responsibility and apologise sincerely.  By owning up our mistakes, we have the chance to rebuild trust or validate experiences and heal wounds.  When we refuse to take ownership or responsibility, we ignore the consequences of our actions and lessen the safety of the relationship and ultimately deepen the hurt.

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IS IT IMPORTANT TO SAY SORRY?

One may ask this question; Is it important to say sorry?  The answer is hundred times yes and it is important to do so.  Depending on how much you harmed, hurt or offended the person, it can be very important, recognising though that an apology is not enough because it does not repair the damage or absolve you from the consequences of your action.  However, if you genuinely regret what you did, then saying so to the person you harmed is a good start.  There is the need for one to take responsibility for what he or she did and do what is necessary to make things better.  Saying that you are really sorry, merely shows that, you are for the rest of it.  The fact is, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t mean it or if you are not prepared to back it up with any meaningful action, otherwise you will defeat the essence of the apology which then becomes meaningless.

APOLOGY IN MARRIAGES

For instance, couples who are courting for marriage, find life interesting or pleasing, forward looking and enjoyable in their relationship with little or no problem to manage because of the intense love and affection for each other.  However, if they enter into real marriage, blessed and sealed through the Marriage Ordinance Act which becomes lawful, there the problem starts at times when they move to their matrimonial homes to start life afresh.  Some go to the extent of insulting and abusing each other, at times more physically, resulting in physical injuries.  As a result of some of these needless infractions, in marriages, you see the bride running for cover at their parents’ abode, forgetting the vows they took ‘For Better for Worse’ in the cause of their marriage.

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In real terms in marriage life, it is during this stage that the couples must realise that they need to apply the essence of apology to resolve their grievances in order to stay intact and for their marriage to flourish.  There is no need for any blame game whatsoever and one of them must sacrifice by saying sorry to the other so that they can move on in their marriage.  It is only in a matter of physical attack on each other that demands an arbitration from external sources.  Even in such cases, they need to recognise their shortcomings and mistakes and say sorry to each other.

It is a fact that, we at times struggle to overcome our pride which is not healthy and the best way to go.  Sometimes, it is very important to express remorse and say sorry for the little thing or infraction to strengthen our relationship with each other or one another.

APOLOGY IN EMPLOYMENT

In the case of employment where an employee goes contrary to the rules of an establishment, he or she must own up to the management of the establishment and apologise sincerely for the infraction, even if he or she is served with a query to answer.  Management must also tamper justice with mercy and accept the apology of the employee if the offence is not grievous and can be managed.

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It is also important for friends and other relations to cultivate the habit of apologising by saying sorry when they offend one another so that peace can prevail.  Taking intransigent positions and actions, can lead to bad situations that may be regretted later.

Yes, like my colleague argued it out, she cannot own up and apologise for something she did not do. She cannot be faulted for saying so.  However, in certain situations which call for peace, if apology will lead to that cause, why can we not say so, to bring about that needed peace.

The Holy Scripture tells us that, sometimes, we might offend or sin against friends and family members and if this happens, Christians are to confess our sins to God and apologise to that person.  Everything we do must be sincere.  A true friend would fix their relationship with others instead of keeping pride and stubbornness in their hearts.  Don’t let guilt linger in your heart.  Go and apologise and make things right.

I will end this piece by quoting from the Holy Bible, Mathew 6:15 which states that, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father in Heaven will not forgive you your sins”.

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 Contact email/WhatsApp of author: ataani20002yahoo.com

  0277753946/0248933366

BY CHARLES NEEQUAYE

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The Prophet part 4

Antobam woke up with a terri­ble headache. He checked the time on his mobile phone, 2:30 am. “What! Where is the money?” He asked aloud. “Where are those girls? Why did I drink so much of that whisky? What were those two girls up to?” He sat up on the bed and noticed a bulge close to the pillow.

He lifted the mattress and picked up the newspaper wrappers with the neatly arranged notes. He saw the neatly written record of the value of the notes. No, those girls are not thieves.

“It was my mistake. If I hadn’t drank myself to sleep they would be here in bed with me, giving me the time of my life. Pretty girls, those two. And so loyal and honest. Tomorrow will be different.”

“I will not drink any whisky, and I will show them that I am a real man. Just then he heard the whis­pers. Very soon it will be time, they seemed to be saying. This is an important day.”

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The gold dealer will bring lots of money. Give him some of the liquid to drink, and we will prepare him. He will do very big business, and he will give you anything you ask for. There will be more miracles and testimonies today.

Antobam smiled to himself. “I am going to be a very rich man in only a few days man. Money, power, and women. Wow! Antobam got to the grounds at 5, but there were quite a number of people waiting.

Mr Kwame Dofu was among them. He greeted them all, and they came around to shake his hand. “My brothers and sisters, I assure you that whatever your problem is, you will not go home without a solu­tion.” Shouts of “Amen” “thank” you Osofo and “you are a true man of God” responded.

“Please take your seats, and start talking to the great one about what­ever bothers you. Before the service is over, there will be a solution.” He waved Mr Dofu over, and went with him to the wooden structure that serves as a temporary office.

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“My brother, I have done quite a lot of work on the issue you came to see me about. I have prepared a special, powerful package for you. Take this, drink it, and go back to your business. I want to see you in two weeks.”

Beaming with smiles, Mr Dofu drank the foul smelling liquid in two gulps, said a big thank you to Anto­bam and took his leave. “I believe you, Papa Osofo. And I assure you that I will reward you, big time.”

Just when Osofo Antubam finished with Mr Dofu, Mary and Suzzie went over to him. “Good Morning ladies. I am very sorry about yesterday. I drank too much of the stuff you gave me. Today will be different, I assure you.”

“Don’t worry, Osofo. Since you are now setting things up, our main concern now is to help you to put things in place, and to make you comfortable. We are always there to serve you. This morning, Osofo, we want to go and clean up your place, and prepare something nice for you when you close.

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And before coming to church, we will pass by the bank and collect the forms. After you have signed them, the account will be open. You can check the payments anytime and, of course, issue cheques whenever you need money.”

“Suzzie and Mary, I am happy I picked the two of you from the very start. Listen, I will take good care of you, okay? Here is some money. Buy whatever you need for the er­rands you have mentioned.

And here is the key. Please come back as early as you can. You know I need you here.” The service was very lively. The lively singing of praise songs was followed by one and a half hours of testimonies.

Most of them related to money – big sales, new jobs and overdue debts paid. But there were also testimonies about healing. Barren women had taken seed, and, of course, several men who had lost their bedroom authority had re­gained them, to the delight of their partners.

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As he had promised, Antobam preached for only 30 minutes, ex­horting the congregation to attend church regularly, pay their tithes and offerings, and strictly follow his ‘directions’ for securing solutions to their problems.

After another round of prais­es during which the congregation danced to the floor to drop their offering, he closed the service, grabbed the big bowl which was full to the brim with money, and moved to his desk. A long queue was quick­ly formed at the desk.

Meanwhile, Mary and Suzzie had gone to give Antobam’s place quite a decent look. A new bedsheet and pillows, a secondhand carpet and four plastic chairs placed in the verandah had done the trick.

They also prepared two fish and chicken stews. After all these, they rushed to the National Savings Bank and collected application forms for opening current and savings ac­counts.

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They joined the service a few minutes before the main session closed. Antobam looked round and saw, to his relief, Mary and Suzzie moving towards him. “Hello ladies. What have you been up to?” “Quite a bit, Osofo. We’ve just collected your drink. Here you are. We’ve made a few changes at your place. I think you will like it. You will also have something nice to eat. Now, here are the forms for the savings and current accounts.

If you will sign them, the bank will open the account. From today, we can pay all monies direct into the account.” ‘How can I thank you, ladies?” “You don’t need to thank us,” Suzzie said. “It is our duty to help a man of God succeed.” “Okay, my ladies, please take the offerings and count them as you did yester­day.

You can add the payments made after the consultations. Will it be possible to pay them into the account today?” “Yes,” Mary said. “The bank closes at four. If we leave here at three, we would be there just in time.”

The two friends started counting, as Osofo Antobam gave his clients his directions for solving their prob­lems. On quite a few occasions he closed his eyes as if he was receiv­ing direction from above on what to do.

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But as the fetish priest at the Nana Kofi Broni shrine and the dwarfs had assured him, the solu­tions would certainly be provided. Having heard the huge testimonies earlier in the day, the clients parted with substantial sums of money in expectation.

By Ekow de Heer

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The issue of spiritual father in our churches

 A student was supposed to go to school as the natural cause of events should be when universities or schools in general opens but this was not the case in a certain young man’s life.

He decided to postpone his trip because apparently he could not get to meet his pastor, his spiritual father. The question is, should this spiritual father die, will the young man’s life come to an end?

Does it mean in such an instance, he is going to curtail his education? This is a wor­rying trend in a lot of church­es where the pastors use this notion of spiritual father to manipulate members espe­cially the youth.

Some unscrupulous pastors utilise this spiritual father concept to have affairs with gullible young ladies in their churches.

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Now with homosexuality gradually making inroads into some of the churches, young men are becoming vulnerable to pastors who have hidden homosexual inclinations.

This spiritual father con­cept is a Biblical concept that runs through both the Old Testament as well as the New Testament. We see it in 2 Kings 4:12 where Gehazi is serving Elisha and also in the New Testament we see Paul relating to Timothy in 1 Timo­thy 1:2 as a Spiritual Father.

In fact, the concept of spiritual father is a good thing if executed according to the word of God since it helps in guiding the younger ones. However, it becomes prob­lematic when it is being exe­cuted by unscrupulous wolves in sheepskins as described by Jesus in Mathew 7:15.

I see it as a way that these unscrupulous so-called men of God maintain their hold on the congregants so they do not question their unchristian actions.

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One of the things I have observed since I got born again many years ago is that, any pastor who often insists that members recognise that he is their spiritual father is a warning sign that he is doing some wrong things or is about to indulge in some wrong things.

A parent complained about how his daughter was being influenced by a pastor of the church she attends and how worried he was. I am sure there are many parents out there with stories to tell about how their wards are be­ing made to see their pastors almost like their Jesus.

These pastors have man­aged to make their congre­gants so loyal to them and to believe in them so much that it is terrifying, as a parent.

The way things are going, an immediate intervention is required otherwise I am not a prophet of doom but I forsee unfortunate instances where parents burst into church auditoriums and star shooting some Pastors out of frustra­tion and anger.

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We cannot look on uncon­cerned as a society and allow unscrupulous fraudsters using the name of God to create problems for families. My recommendation is for a cer­tain amount of regulation in order to bring some sanity in religious practices.

I agree that ordinarily regulating religious practices makes it a bit restrictive in terms of freedom of worship as enshrined in our constitu­tion but given the way things are going, a bit of regulation will not be out of place.

Disgusting stuff are being attributed to some men of God. There are cases of ma­nipulation of young ladies and sometimes married women by so called men of God and it is bringing Christianity and therefore the name of the Lord into disrepute.

Christianity is gradually losing its attractiveness as a result of the negative report­age resulting from disgusting stuff happening in Christian circles. The way some pas­tors have been manipulating congregants to take money from them leaves much to be desired to the point where they are convincing some of the youth to give out their phones. May God help us.

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By Laud Kissi-Mensah 

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