Features
Leakages and academic dysentery

Student life just prior to GCE exams is as interesting and adventurous as it is tragic. It is a period during which recalcitrant finalists are tempted to break into backyard poultry outfits of senior house-masters, so that they can enjoy chicken-soup while “ghosting.”
And in mixed schools, it is during this revision period that boys and girls alternate studies with romance in such a way that at the beginning of the long vacation, the girls can clandestinely approach unscrupulous doctors to scoop out growing babies from their bellies.
A few weeks to the beginning of the first paper, many students develop physical and imaginary illnesses ranging from amnesia to kpokpomatics (nervousness). The budding finalist who is serious and level-headed plans his study time-table and allots time for bath, meals, siesta and snoring.
Such candidates follow their own regimented programme to the letter and enjoy normal life while studying for their exams. They are health-conscious, do not take drugs and they enjoy rest to avoid brain fag.
There are other serious students, however, who are not concerned about health. They are so busy, or claim to be, that they refuse to take their bath, comb their hair, wash their hands before eating and sometimes, simply refuse to go to “toilet”. This is quite revolutionary and I wonder how they manage it. But that is not all.
They take ‘caterpillar’ to keep awake, fail to wash their cover-cloths, and have air conditioners permanently installed in their armpits. These are students who are on the war-path towards academic distinction but ironically very few of them do well.
Some are so over-zealous that they pack and carry books for all their eight or so subjects to the classroom swearing to ‘chew’ all before day-break. They end up learning virtually nothing because they prefer the rhythmic snoring using their books as pillow to cramming Abbot.
The following morning, they will be the first to impress their colleagues: “I swear my father’s moustache that last night I did what Napoleon could not do.” For sure, Napoleon did not sleep that much. Ninety per cent of such students end up in the academic grave with grade 9s, subsidiary passes and FAIL as their lot.
Incidentally, however, those category of students are more acceptable to organised society than the happy-go-lucky ones who regard academic excellence as sacrilegious and, therefore, include discoing, wee-smoking, chasing form-two girls and stealing gari from frail chop boxes in their study programme.
These are the students who are so intellectually deviant that they keep on praying papers should leak so that they can prove to their ‘book-long’ fellows they are a force to reckon with.
A month to exams they go hovering about West African Examinations Council (WAEC), forcing tete-a-tete with crooked officials some of whose faces look hungry enough to accept money in exchange for exam papers.
Others trot from school to school contacting friends of similar feather to obtain information about possible leakage points. The girls become unusually liberal to the Assistant Headmaster who may, as a reciprocal gesture, be tempted to ‘peep’ two or three Maths questions from one paper to offer as sure tips after carefully changing the wording. These assistant heads, therefore, become alphabetical surgeons; a very infamous occupation.
In the 70s, the incidence of leakages and exam malpractices became so rampant among the WAEC countries that Nigeria swore to rid its territory of the epidemic.
They did succeed. Sikaman authorities also swore same, and for some time, ears became free from news about leakages, impostors and ‘copiato’ (copying during exams).
But just as we had begun the last decade of the 20th Century, the plague re-surfaced and today some students and their allies are under lock and key for the part they played in this scholastic uprising.
Papers leak right from WAEC strong rooms, police stations and assistant headmasters’ vaults.
When papers for instance go into transit at the police station for onward transmission to the exam centres, surgical operations are performed on the sacks and the papers extracted and put on sale on the open market.
Sometime ago, the situation degenerated so much that Makola women were seen hawking. Additional Mathematics papers just like tomatoes and garden-eggs.
One interesting but unfortunate thing about leakages is that it does no one ultimate good. To a brilliant student, a leaked paper in his possession makes him unable to justify his intellectual capacity and his scholastic worth is over-shadowed.
To the brainless, it is simply a disaster. He has no brains whatsoever to imbibe solution to the answers. He has to choose the alternative of entering the exam room with copied answers. And there, he becomes a copy-writer and proof-reader. Speed is his best asset, but he is most likely to be caught.
One block-headed student who acquired a leaked paper was faced with the problem of choosing between ‘chewing’ the answers (which was virtually impossible in view of his deficient IQ), and turning himself into a speed copy-writer. He however decided to do neither of these.
In the exam room he considered his plight. All his friends and enemies were also in possession of the paper and had prepared so well that they were going to clock beautiful grades. And he, the only JUDAS in the lot will surely wind up with a grade 9. What!! God forbid!
On the answer sheet he wrote a very brilliant letter to the examiner in clear hand-writing and similar to this:
“Dear Sir, this very paper you are marking is under massive leakage, and I know that people are going to blow it paa-a! But as for me, although I also had all the questions, I am as daft as a live sheep. My father had no brains in his big head. As for my mother, the least said about her, the better. And as you know that a dog does not beget a cat, I was born an idiot.”
“So when I got the questions, I didn’t know what to do with them. Will you please therefore consider me and pass me too. Otherwise, I alone will die of academic dysentery. Thanks for your usual cooperation. Yours faithfully…”
The paper was cancelled, and students had to suffer the expense of re-registration and frustration, not forgetting the loss of time.
The only solution to this grave problem of exam leakages and allied criminal offences is that the law must prescribe stiffer punishments for those who perpetrate and or collaborate to further these criminal practices.
Those convicted of these offences must be packed away for as long as would be possible to make them forget about exam papers. Such a deterrent measure would help minimize the problem. Proper security arrangements must be organized by authorities of WAEC to rid Sikaman of this recurrent menace.
We must all endeavour to prevent the situation where outsiders will feel inclined to refuse recognising our dear certificates which many have toiled for, but which a dangerous few want to obtain without sweat.
This article was first published on Saturday, June 30, 1990.
Features
Monsieur’s daughter —(Part 2)
David rose and opened the door to the spare room. It was neat, as everything else in the house. He sank into the bed and stared at the ceiling. He had never hoped or expected his life to turn out that way.
Until some 12 hours ago, all seemed to be going well. He had already made a huge impact on his students, and the school. He was doing some extra-curricular work which was bringing in decent, regular income.
He had married a great looking, responsible young lady, and they had been blessed with a beautiful daughter. The future could only be bright.
Yet all that had come crashing down. Gladys had been having an affair with her ex-boyfriend, during her pregnancy when he came to Ghana briefly, and over the last few days, when he returned.
He confronted her with the evidence, and her denial was pathetic. It was over. He had pointed that out to her. Over the next hour he did a systematic review of the changes he would make.
The marriage was certainly over. And sadly, so was the Aboso SSS job. He would take a new major step in the next three months. As he was drifting off to sleep, his wife brought Sarah into the hall to breastfeed her. He woke up to rock her to sleep as usual, and went off to sleep.
The following morning, he left early for Agona Nkwanta, and informed his parents about the latest developments. They were devastated, but promised to back him in every steps he took. He got back to school during the first break and carried on with his work.
He stayed on at work till after seven, renewing application procedures for a Master’s Degree programme in Germany which he had deferred. When he got back home his wife’s parents were waiting. His father-in-law wasted no time to get to the point.
“My son, we came here with a simple, though difficult, task. Our daughter has confessed to us that she has offended you greviously. She went behind your back and had, er, an affair, with a young man with whom she was previously in a relationship. She admits that she was foolish.
She says that her actions do not reflect a lack of respect for you as her husband, or her love for you. We are on our knees, my son, pleading with you to have mercy on her, take her back into your arms and get on with your life as man and wife. I have great confidence in you, that a great future awaits you. I’m humbly asking for your forgiveness, my son.”
“You have spoken well, Daddy. I have great respect for you and Mummy. You have been very kind and helpful to me, since I met Gladys. I regret, however, that I cannot be reconciled to her.
You see, Gladys resumed the relationship with Simon when he returned to Ghana some months ago. She was spending time with him at the hotel at a time when, as far as I know, she was carrying my child. And since he returned to Ghana a few days ago, they have continued to spend time at the hotel.
So this is not a one-off thing. It is a relationship. I’m not going to say or do anything publicly, but the relationship is over. I will give her my fullest cooperation to give our daughter the best of care, but I will certainly move on with my life.”
“I have heard you, my son. Your reaction is both predictable and justified. Here’s what I will do. I will give you a little time to think about my humble petition, and I will pray that God himself will touch your heart to tamper justice with mercy, and save this marriage.”
After this, two delegations from Gladys’s family went to engage David’s family to plead for restoration of the marriage, but he was adamant. They continued to live in the flat, apparently as man and wife, but although he didn’t disclose his plans to her, she knew that he would eventually move out. One morning, as they were leaving for work, Gladys issued an emphatic threat.
“David, my parents and relatives have been to see you, and virtually fallen at your feet, begging you to forgive me for my mistake, and allow us to move forward as man and wife, and take care of Sarah.
But it appears that you are a perfect human being who does not make mistakes, and will, therefore, not forgive mistakes. Okay, you can take whatever step you want to take, but remember I also have an option. I will teach you a very bitter lesson, a lesson which you will never forget till you die.”
David smiled and eased himself out.
A couple of days later, David got home to find that Sarah was not around.
“Where’s Sarah?” he asked her.
“Ah, David” she said with mock politeness, “there’s something I need to tell you. You see, Sarah is not actually yours. She is Simon’s baby. I’m very sorry for misleading you. Really sorry. I’m sure that being a young man, you will be able to find a nice young woman who will give you children as beautiful as Sarah.”
David stood and stared at her for a very long time while she laughed herself into stitches. Then he stormed out and took a taxi to his parents’ house. After listening to him, his father told him his blunt, hard opinion.
“My son, I want you to brace yourself for a tough time. It is obvious Gladys wants to punish you for rejecting her. She must have thought out her plan well before coming out to tell you.
You may want us to report to the police, social welfare or what have you, but my feeling is that if you play her game, she will string you round her finger for a long time. Therefore, I think you should call her bluff. Ignore her, difficult as it may seem. No matter how long it takes, the child will come back to us.”
“Mama, what do you think?”
“I agree with your dad. Of course, there’s always the possibility that Sarah will actually be Simon’s, but it is highly unlikely. She has just connived with him to steal your child. Let’s ignore her. She will expect you to confront her and so on, but leave her alone.”
“I will do as you say, Mama and Dada, even though it is very difficult. I will ask her to move out of my house. I will stay the night, and go back to Aboso tomorrow morning.”
There was no evidence of Gladys when he got home. She had cleared the house of virtually everything. David replaced some basic stuff whilst focusing on his next move. He found a replacement teacher for the school, and resigned.
Although, he tried to leave quietly, the students, teachers and parents organised a party for him. There was great outpouring of grief as most people had learnt about the circumstances under which he was leaving. As a token of appreciation for his passion for work, the school authorities named the playground Monsieur Park after him. He left for Germany, promising himself to work hard to put the last bitter experience behind him.
By Ekow de Heel
Features
Migraines: Understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options
Migraines are a type of neurological disorder characterised by recurrent episodes of severe headaches, often accompanied by sensitivity to light, sound, and nausea.
According to the American Migraine Foundation, (AMF) over 39 million people in the United States suffer from migraines, with women being three times more likely to experience them than men.
In this article, we will delve into the causes, symptoms, and treatment options of migraines, as well as provide tips on how to manage and prevent them.
What are migraines?
Migraines are a complex neurological disorder that affects not only the brain but also the nervous system and blood vessels. During a migraine episode, the blood vessels in the brain expand, leading to inflammation and pain.
Symptoms of migraines
The symptoms of migraines can vary from person to person, but common symptoms include:
1. Severe headache: A throbbing or pulsating headache, usually on one side of the head.
2. Sensitivity to light and sound: Increased sensitivity to light, sound, and sometimes even touch.
3. Nausea and vomiting: Feeling queasy or vomiting, which can lead to dehydration.
4. Dizziness and vertigo: Feeling lightheaded or experiencing spinning sensations.
5. Aura symptoms: Some people experience aura symptoms, such as flashing lights, zigzag patterns, or numbness, before the headache begins.
Causes and triggers of migraines
While the exact cause of migraines is still unknown, research suggests that a combination of genetic, environmental, and hormonal factors contribute to their development. Common triggers of migraines include:
1. Genetics: Family history plays a significant role in migraine development.
2. Hormonal changes: Fluctuations in estrogen levels, such as during menstruation or menopause.
3. Stress: Physical or emotional stress can trigger migraines.
4. Sensory stimuli: Bright lights, loud noises, or strong smells.
5. Food and drink: Certain foods, such as aged cheeses, citrus fruits, or foods containing MSG or tyramine.
6. Sleep patterns: Changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or oversleeping.
7. Environmental factors: Changes in weather, altitude, or exposure to chemicals.
Treatment and management options
While there is no cure for migraines, various treatment options can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes. These include:
1. Medications: Over-the-counter pain relievers, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, or prescription medications, such as triptans or ergotamines.
2. Lifestyle changes: Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, staying hydrated, and avoiding triggers.
3. Relaxation techniques: Stress-reducing activities, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises.
4. Chiropractic care: Spinal manipulation and other chiropractic techniques may help alleviate migraine symptoms.
5. Alternative therapies: Acupuncture, massage, or herbal supplements, such as feverfew or butterbur.
Preventing migraines
While migraines can be unpredictable, there are steps you can take to reduce their frequency and severity:
1. Keep a headache diary: Tracking your migraines can help you identify patterns and triggers.
2. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule: Irregular sleep patterns can trigger migraines.
3. Stay hydrated: Dehydration is a common migraine trigger.
4. Avoid triggers: Identify and avoid triggers, such as certain foods or sensory stimuli.
5. Manage stress: Engage in stress-reducing activities, such as meditation or yoga.
When to seek medical attention
While migraines can be debilitating, some symptoms require immediate medical attention:
1. Severe or frequent migraines: If you experience more than 15 headache days per month.
2. Increasing frequency or severity: If your migraines worsen over time.
3. Aura symptoms: If you experience aura symptoms, such as numbness, weakness, or difficulty speaking.
4. Headache with fever: If you have a headache accompanied by a fever, confusion, or stiff neck.
5. Recent head trauma: If you have experienced a recent head injury.
Conclusion
Migraines are a complex and debilitating neurological disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. While there is no cure, various treatment options and lifestyle changes can help alleviate symptoms and prevent future episodes.
By understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options of migraines, you can take control of your condition and improve your quality of life.
By Robert Ekow Grimmond Thompson