Obaa Yaa
Married man provides for my needs
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a third- year student in a tertiary institution and deeply in love with a married man.
This man loves me and has told me he would like to marry me since his marriage is on the verge of collapse.
According to him, there have been repeated misunderstandings between him and his wife so they have agreed to separate for some months to see if conditions will improve.
For the past two years, this man has been disturbing me that he would marry me at all cost.
He kept showering gifts on me and l could not help but succumb to his sexual demands.
When l became pregnant, he impressed on me to abort it because he had not yet severed relations with his wife.
In fact l felt cheated and betrayed to hear this from him.
Despite showering gifts on me l am planning quitting this relationship because l can envisage a bleak future. Can you advise me on the right step to take?
Victoria, Accra.
Dear Victoria,
There are many marriages which are not doing well yet the couples are still staying together. This is to say that there is no successful marriage on earth and it is not easy breaking up marriages despite the difficulties.
Your lover is taking advantage of you and the earlier you break up with him the better it will serve your interest.
His insistence that you should abort the pregnancy should ring a bell in your ears that you have no future so long as you follow this married man.
Why don’t you work hard to become independent and forget about this man who can easily patch up with the wife and things will be normal once again.
Forget the gifts he is showering on you and do not waste your precious time on him.
Concentrate on your studies to complete your programme after which you will get a partner of your choice.
Obaa Yaa
They said the carpenter is not a good match
Dear Obaa Yaa,
As a University graduate from the prestigious University of Ghana currently doing my National Service in a very great institution, I am dating a carpenter who barely completed his Junior High School.
I love him, and I don’t see any problem dating him but my sisters are against it.
I started dating him when I was in my third year, he is caring, free spirit and kind.
My sisters are saying he is not a good match for me and he will block my chances in future.
He’s even demanding to go see my parents.
Please what should I do?
Miriam,North Legon
*****
Dear Miriam,
I can see the love for your boyfriend is deep. I pray the two of you will be in this boat forever.
Love does not show class, level etc. It’s about two matured people who have decided to build a family together.
In your letter, you mentioned that your sisters were against you marrying the carpenter. They are looking at your boyfriend’s background and occupation.
If you really love him, you can help him to register for courses in order to upgrade his schooling and make his business very attractive.
I know there are men who are interested in you as well. But don’t let that get into your head. Take your time and study all of them because marriage is a long journey.
Take him to your parents as well, they might even like him.
Obaa Yaa
He has stopped going to church
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am going through hell. I have been married for five years and I have known no peace.
My husband who was a staunch Christian before we married has taken to serious drinking.
And anytime he is drunk, he insults me for no reason. We have a child together.
He has stopped going to church with us. Anytime he is drunk, he doesn’t come home.
I can’t cope any longer with the marriage, I want to quit. I need your wise counsel.
Yaa Mansa,
Techiman.
****
Dear Yaa Mansa,
Married is not a straight road. It can be rough and winding sometimes because many factors come to play.
Frustration at work can turn a man into a drunkard. Even nagging can change the nice character of a man.
Financial problems can change a man’s mood.
So humans do change, but the good thing is that they can also change for the better.
However before a person can change, the root cause of his problem must be ascertained.
Find out why your husband is drinking and also stopped going to church and help him to reform.
Note that in such circumstances, nagging does no good. He must be sympathized with and helped to turn around, and not condemned.
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