Pastor Mrs Nana Ama Abedi

For the first five years of marriage, Rev. Mrs Berlin­da Nana Ama Abedi and her husband battled infertili­ty and stigmatisation.

“I had five miscarriages and the last was a set of twins after carrying them for five months.

The previous pregnancies lasted three months each. It was a terrible moment in our lives. The last actually broke my husband,” she said with tears in her eyes.

In an interview with The Spectator last Wednes­day, Rev. Abedi disclosed that even though she went through difficult moments, she remained optimistic that one day the story will change for the bet­ter because of as­surances from specialist doc­tors that they were medically fit to have children.

“God is an amazing God. I don’t know how he did it but the next five years he re­stored us. He blessed us with three children and wiped away all our tears,” she said smiling.

Rev. Abedi said she feels well positioned to advise people who are battling infertility and stigmatisation ‘because I think I have seen it all,’ she said.

She said she was con­vinced that God made her go through those ‘difficult times’ because He had an assign­ment for her in that delicate area of people’s lives.

She said at the time she battled infertility, she was not a Rev. but now, both she and her husband are Rev.s.

“Imagine that I was in charge of the Children’s Ministry but didn’t have my own children. Sometimes people looked at me in a certain way and I could understand what they were saying but I did not react no matter how much it hurt me. A children’s teacher who didn’t have children. Indeed, it was a difficult situation,” she disclosed.

She recalled how she nearly got into a fight with a Rev. from another church because he told her that she was unable to have chil­dren because of her name Berlinda and so she needed to come for deliverance at his church.

“Berlinda as I know means beautiful lady and so his comments really baffled me,” she said.

“I told him that I had been praying and God had not told me anything contrary so I couldn’t take his words seriously. I didn’t want to disrespect a man of God but I felt I had been pushed too far.”

“Thankfully, he travelled out of the country almost imme­diately and when he re­turned after a year, I had become a mother. I felt God had wiped away my shame,” she stat­ed.

Rev. Abedi cautioned couples who were going through such diffi­culties to be careful to prevent people from taking advan­tage of them.

“They can even tell from your looks and conversations that you have become vulnerable and so they will package anything as a solution for you. If you are not careful, in trying to solve one problem, you would end up adding more problems to your life, “she admonished.

According to her, she had to deal with insensitive com­ments from people and it was worse when it came from the church which was supposed to be a place of consolation.

“I remember there was a lady who always had one medication or the other for me every Sunday. I tried to avoid her because it was tak­ing a toll on my mental health but she might have observed it and so would always be waiting for me at the main entrance of the church.”

“It was so depressing that I nearly left the church. The development has an interest­ing way of making you lose your strength to fight back even when you are overly provoked,” she disclosed.

She, however, acknowl­edged that there were some members of the church who were genuinely concerned and so would encourage more prayers.

“In fact, there were others who never discussed the issue with me but when I became a mother, I found out later that they were seriously interced­ing on my behalf and I thank them so much. I think this is what people should do and not be confrontational with childless couples as if they had committed an offence and under interrogation,” she prescribed.

Rev. Abedi who is also a journalist said losing a preg­nancy was something that no one should even wish for an enemy because aside the psychological and emotional torture, the physical process to take out the foetus was a pain ‘that was out of the world.’

Recounting some difficult moments, she noted that there was the need for people to be sympathetic to childless couples to prevent unpleasant comments to break them.

She observed a practice where people gave their babies to childless couples to carry at gatherings, claiming that if they carry them they would soon have theirs.

Rev. Abedi who has been married for over 16 years now said countless times she had heard people say their intentions were good with no malice intended but which she found unfortunate.

She said it was worrying to see people who married years after she did conceive and have children almost the same year of marriage.

She commended her par­ents and mother-in-law who she said stood firmly by them during the period by con­stantly speaking words of en­couragement such as ‘God’s time is the best’ among others to her and the husband and also prayed for them.

Rev. Abedi advised all persons who were trying to conceive to avoid people whose comments made them feel bad.

From Dzifa Tetteh Tay, Tema