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Obaa Yaa

My mother and sister do not like my sweetheart

Dear Obaa Yaa,

We were mates and good friends in the university and continued to maintain this cordial relationship till date.

Having expressed mutual love and care for each other in all aspects of our lives, we have decided to seal our love in marriage.

Thank God l had procured a good job, one of the preconditions for a successful marriage, and we have disclosed our marriage plans to our parents and all those who matter.   

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Unfortunately, l have lost my father, but my mother and my sister have opposed my decision to marry the lady of my heart.

They have not disclosed to me the reason for their disagreement, but l strongly believe it could be due to a long-standing misunderstanding on tribal lines.

l have gone a step further  to convince my mother to develop a positive mind about people from this particular  tribe, but my efforts had  not yielding  results.

l believe  the situation would have been different if my father were alive.

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What step should l take to make them agree?

Frank, Accra.

Dear Frank,

The misunderstanding surrounding your marriage is not an isolated case because it had bedeviled many marriages and would continue to persist.

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The advantage you have in this case is the fact that your mother and sister have not identified any shortcoming on the part of your fiancée , which would  have  automatically  rendered  her unsuitable for marriage.

You must intensify your efforts in trying to convince your mother in particular not to depend on long-standing tribal problems to derail your plans in marriage. l think if your mother is convinced, your sister will also change her mind.

Additionally, you can seek the assistance of your uncles to intervene and talk with your mother if things are still getting out of hand.

Such entrenched positions on tribal lines are fast giving way to modern way of thinking.

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 l wish you well.

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Obaa Yaa

She doesn’t respect her mother

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I visited my girlfriend at home, and I was a witness to a hot exchange be­tween her and the mother.

In fact, my girl used such words on the mother that I was compelled to hit her to keep her quiet. She later told me that her mother made her to behave like that.

The surprising thing is that she seemed to be such a respectful person, and was always very polite to my mother and even help her in the kitchen when she visits me.

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I have told her in plain language that our relationship is off, but she keeps begging and she has even promised not to quarrel with her mother again.

But I can’t forget the scene I saw and the fact is that, it was not the first time.

Do you think she can change?

I love her, but I want my children to have a respectful mother.

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Agbesi, keta.

Dear Agbesi,

LET me say this to you, you took the right decision in ending the relation­ship because she might not change. However, that is for her to work it out, so don’t let it be your problem.

Even the Bible in Exodus 20:12 has a lot to say against children who are disre­spectful to their parents.

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You are lucky you found out in time the sort of person she is.

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Obaa Yaa

He wants me to be his cousin

Dear Obaa Yaa,

My husband and I got married shortly after we completed se­nior high school. My mother then bought a ticket for him to go abroad where he went and stayed with my brother.

He went through some kind of marriage over there in order to get a good job, or so he said, and he asked me to be patient.

A few weeks ago, my husband wrote to say that he was coming home with his wife, and that I should pretend to be a cousin. I also heard they have a child.

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I can’t do what he wants me to, even though everyone, includ­ing my mother thinks I should.

And I don’t want to be his wife only when he comes home. I want to join him over there because that was the arrangement.

Akweley, Accra

Dear Akweley,

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Don’t let anyone force you into doing anything that you don’t want to do. If you can’t pretend, then don’t try.When you meet your husband, it is important to let him know how you feel about the arrangement.

And you will have to come to an agreement as to whether or not you want to continue with your marriage.

Whatever decision you come up to will not be easy for you, but do make sure that it is what is best for you.

• Kwabena kwabena in

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