Obaa Yaa
My second child is not my husband’s
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been keeping this secret close to seven years and it keeps haunting me. Though l am a wedded wife with three children, our second child is not my husband’s but my former boyfriend.
l had secret love affairs with my former boyfriend and became pregnant in the process. Despite the efforts made to abort the pregnancy, l was not successful and, therefore, decided to keep it a secret between me and my boyfriend.
This matter continues to haunt me and l have reached a stage l cannot conceal it any longer. However, knowing the type of person my husband is l can imagine his angry response to this revelation.
The boy resembles my ex-boyfriend and this revelation will not raise any doubt in my husband’s mind.
Obaa Yaa, l am itching to get your response since l am seriously disturbed.
Ama, Accra.
Dear Ama,
This is a sensitive issue which must be tackled with care since it has the potential to break up the marriage and tarnish your reputation forever.
Your husband should not hear about this because even if he is an angel, he will become enraged and hell will break loose.
You have the duty to confess to your priest or pastor who will lead you through series of prayers and fasting.
God sees through all hearts and knows how remorseful one is. The description of your situation shows that you are truly repentant of your sins and with this in mind, God is prepared to forgive and bless you.
This is on condition that you will no longer have anything to do with this former boyfriend of yours. This man carries more blame because he has the audacity to have series of intercourse with somebody’s wife.
Though his biological father, your son will be angry if he gets to know that his real father slept with a wedded wife and you also consented to the act which has resulted in his birth.
Our grandparents endured such instances in the past and were guided by wisdom to keep them as secrets to promote peace in the family.
Having gone through this spiritual exercise, your heart will find absolute peace and forgiveness from God.
Obaa Yaa
They said the carpenter is not a good match
Dear Obaa Yaa,
As a University graduate from the prestigious University of Ghana currently doing my National Service in a very great institution, I am dating a carpenter who barely completed his Junior High School.
I love him, and I don’t see any problem dating him but my sisters are against it.
I started dating him when I was in my third year, he is caring, free spirit and kind.
My sisters are saying he is not a good match for me and he will block my chances in future.
He’s even demanding to go see my parents.
Please what should I do?
Miriam,North Legon
*****
Dear Miriam,
I can see the love for your boyfriend is deep. I pray the two of you will be in this boat forever.
Love does not show class, level etc. It’s about two matured people who have decided to build a family together.
In your letter, you mentioned that your sisters were against you marrying the carpenter. They are looking at your boyfriend’s background and occupation.
If you really love him, you can help him to register for courses in order to upgrade his schooling and make his business very attractive.
I know there are men who are interested in you as well. But don’t let that get into your head. Take your time and study all of them because marriage is a long journey.
Take him to your parents as well, they might even like him.
Obaa Yaa
He has stopped going to church
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am going through hell. I have been married for five years and I have known no peace.
My husband who was a staunch Christian before we married has taken to serious drinking.
And anytime he is drunk, he insults me for no reason. We have a child together.
He has stopped going to church with us. Anytime he is drunk, he doesn’t come home.
I can’t cope any longer with the marriage, I want to quit. I need your wise counsel.
Yaa Mansa,
Techiman.
****
Dear Yaa Mansa,
Married is not a straight road. It can be rough and winding sometimes because many factors come to play.
Frustration at work can turn a man into a drunkard. Even nagging can change the nice character of a man.
Financial problems can change a man’s mood.
So humans do change, but the good thing is that they can also change for the better.
However before a person can change, the root cause of his problem must be ascertained.
Find out why your husband is drinking and also stopped going to church and help him to reform.
Note that in such circumstances, nagging does no good. He must be sympathized with and helped to turn around, and not condemned.
