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Political punches and the Blackman

A live boxing showdown between an Arab champion, Saddam Hus­sein, and the Western ‘Bazooka,’ George Bush, should be the most spec­tacular event in boxing and political history.

Most probably, Saddam Hussein will rely more on his thick moustache than his ‘chemical’ upper-cuts. Natu­rally, the dancing kenkeyweight titlist, George Bush, will turn into a southpaw, floating in the ring, jabbing, ducking and targeting Saddam’s moustache to rip it off once and for all.

Such a boxing show would be one of near equals. But consider for a mo­ment a similar show between the Pride of Pretoria, F. W.de Klerk, and the Hope of South Africa, Oliver Tambo.

Although Tambo is not in the very best of health, he is sure to be a diligent pugilist with all the qualities of a BLACK BOMBER. F. W.de Klerk, the stronger of the two is likely to be cautioned several times for hitting below the belt. Fact is that, de Klerk’s punches are never direct. Perhaps his fists need a binoculars to help target Tambo’s nose.

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Oliver Tambo had never been a good friend to South African leaders, especially

Pieter Botha. And for quite some time, Botha has had more than a fair share of Tambo’s political punches till his corner men threw in the towel. Still Botha wanted to fight on although they told him that he needed to be replaced by a clerk-de Klerk.

Today, Oliver Tambo is still fighting on behalf of his people. And gradually, the satanic apartheid regime is crum­bling, but piecemeal. I bet, de Klerk’s formula for dismantling apartheid that can be likened to a small ant com­missioned to eat a mountain of LOAF. Certainly, it would take a thousand years to complete.

This fact is further underscored when we consider that just recently, leaders of the European Community have agreed to scrap the ban on new investments in South Africa. With this decision, South Africa is going to get some breathing space and the process of disentangling its dreaded strangle­hold on the black majority is going to be dead-slow.

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The German Foreign Minister, Hans Dietrich Genscher, rationalising the community’s decision, said the lifting of the ban would reward de Klerk for legalising the African National Con­gress (ANC), freeing its deputy leader, Nelson Mandela, and permitting Oliver Tambo to return to South Africa after thirty years in exile.

In reaction to this, the ANC adopt­ed a resolution calling for sanctions to be maintained, with the stand that the EC’s decision which was against ANC interests. Earlier, during an ANC congress, Oliver Tambo had stated that it was time the ANC reviewed its stand on sanctions against South Africa.

“It is no longer enough to repeat the trite slogans …… we should care­fully re-evaluate the advisability of insisting on sanctions given the situa­tion domestically and abroad.”

Apparently, the optimism of the black majority of attaining a wish is gradually becoming tantalising if not illusionary.

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As it is now, the European Com­munity’s decision is a pointer to the fact that members of the Community regard the South African whites as their first cousins. And obviously, many Europeans directly or indirectly have commercial interests in South Africa. And how can one punish a brother for so long no matter how recalcitrant he proves to be?

Fact is, covertly or overtly, the apartheid regime is being made to perpetuate till doomsday. No one cares for the black man. The whites will come out openly to condemn the racist regime and go indoors to have plans about how best to strengthen this regime.

Worse atrocities have been visited upon the black man. Since history be­gan chronicling world events, the black man has been at the receiving end of all unpleasantries. He is even cited to have descended from a cursed man called Ham, who according to the Bible derided his father’s nakedness. Quite fallaciously, one child of Ham was said to be black (because of the curse), and became the progenitor of the African race.

It is quite uncertain whether ori­entals like the Chinese also had some share of the curse to make some of them yellow-skinned.

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Anyhow, blacks of the world have suffered a lot, having been made slaves, tortured and abused. In the United States where many blacks became domiciled after the slave trade, they were regarded as second rate citizens. To this very day, they are discriminated against when it comes to job opportunities and prospects for promotion.

AMUSING CONCLUSIONS

They are considered brainless and only fun-loving. In a seemingly very crooked research conducted not far back, the following amusing conclu­sions were arrived at. Chinese students were said to be studious, European children very ambitious and bright and Negro children were said to like party­ing and music. Adult Negroes were said to be physically strong with large sexu­al organs but no brains in their heads.

The Blackman’s culture is described as uncivilised and extremely backward. But let’s come to face it. The white man’s culture teaches him to hate oth­ers who are not of his colour. You go to Europe and you would be shocked that some whites would not like to sit in the same bus with you.

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When they (Europeans) come to Africa, we are not hostile to them al­though they’ve once enslaved and bru­talised us and continue to discriminate against us. We bear them no grudge. Our culture does not breed hatred for other races. It preaches hospitality and respect for all. Which of these two cultures should be placed higher on the scale of civilisation?

In the US, a white supremacist group named the Ku Klux Klan, have a morbid hatred for blacks and have poli­cies geared towards the elimination of the black race. The neo-Nazis do not like blacks either.

History has it that when Jesse Ow­ens won four Olympic gold medals in Berlin, the Nazi warlord, Adolf Hitler, was gravely embittered.

We are discriminated against in sports, the latest being two dubious penalties awarded against the Indomi­table Lions of Cameroun in the match against England in the 1990 World Cup in Italy. Cameroun, as a result, failed to reach the semi-final stage. Africans do not deserve a World Cup.

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And quite sadly we allow Cauca­sians and Anglo Saxons to dictate to us which of our women are beautiful and which are not. We accept their crite­ria for beauty and allow our women to parade semi naked before them, only to be ridiculed as hairless monkeys, and undeserving of beauty awards.

Year after year, we send our wom­en there to experience the same or­deal and we would never learn to stop that nonsense. Are we not encourag­ing the whites to go on ridiculing our race?

Caucasians, Orientals and Africans have their own considerations when appraising beauty. Why allow Cau­casians to superimpose their idea of beauty on ours.

Shall we always be slaves who never stop to think for a while of their independence?

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This article was first published on Saturday, December 22, 1990

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Just in time part 3

Esaaba went to her room, closed the door and sat on the bed. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she took her decision. If she was going to have her peace of mind and get along with her par­ents and sister, the only way was to find a place to rent and live on her own.

She picked up her phone to talk to an estate agent when her door opened gently, and her par­ents walked in, Esaaba following. ‘Esaaba’, her dad began, ‘we are sorry for what has happened. We are very sorry. But I wish you would understand that as your parents, we mean well.

We want a good future for you. Naturally we are concerned that you have been, er, a little late in settling down with a man. That is why we took the steps we did. We will continue to pray for a solution. In fact, it is possible that Stanley will realise what he’s missing and get in touch again’. ‘Dad, I’m not going to discuss this issue with you again. It is quite ob­vious that you don’t agree that it is my right, as a right thinking adult, to make my own choices. So I am going to rent a place as quickly as possible and move out.

If I don’t, we will continue to argue over this issue. I’m not pre­pared to allow anyone, even my parents, to choose a husband for me. And as for you Baaba, let me warn you, never get involved again in any issue concerning me, be­cause apart from being very simple minded, you need to learn a few things in life.

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Don’t assume anything’. ‘What do I care?’ Baaba snapped. What do I need from you?’ ‘Get out of my room!’ she shouted. Beesiwa walked out, followed by their par­ents.

Esaaba decided that she needed space to clear her head. She went to the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her hair and, after checking to make sure that she had her copy of the front door key, went out. The only place she could think of, she thought, was Jackie’s, the open air joint.

It was never too full, and they played mostly soft music. And the food was nice. It was just what she needed to clear her head. She decided against a taxi and strolled down, and took a seat.

She sat down, and as the waiter walked up to take her order she saw Marian Mensah sipping a drink. ‘Hey Marian! Where on earth have you been?’ ‘Look who is asking questions. I have been trying to find you for ages. Where have you been?’ ‘I live some two hundred metres from here. And you know I’m a TA on campus’. ‘I didn’t know that. And guess who has been asking for your number, almost desperately?’ The only person I can think of is David Essel, and apart from the fact that he’s not in Ghana, I don’t think he will want to call me’.

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‘Well, it’s him alright. He came back a month ago. He called last week, and said he heard you had gone to do a Master’s programme on a university scholarship, and he also heard you were working with a drug company. But he obviously didn’t know you were on campus, because he would have fished you out a long time ago’.

‘Why, is he do­ing anything on campus?’ ‘Yes, he’s just got a job as lecturer at the Statistics Department’. When he called and said he wanted to contact you, I teased him that you hadn’t changed, that perhaps you were the same difficult person you were, and he replied that perhaps you had changed’.

‘Do you know what? I really liked the guy, but maybe I didn’t know him well because of the three year gap. Perhaps if he had taken a little time I would have agreed. He is quite good looking, always looking neat, and he had a great sense of humour. And you know, I was afraid of the girls who were always hovering around him. Do you have his number?’ Marian called him, and within twenty minutes David had joined them at Jackie’s. ‘Good to see you ladies. ‘Esaaba, it’s been ages. I thought I would never find you’. ‘Listen, you two’, Marian said, I’m sure it would be best for you if I vanished from here. So off I go. Call and let’s meet, this week­end if possible’.

They ordered food and drinks, and chatted for quite a while about their activities since they last met. David went to Denmark on a PhD scholarship from a food processing company that is well represented in West Africa.

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He also spent some time working in the company’s research Depart­ment, for which he was paid rather well. Esaaba, on her part, told him about her experiences as a National Service person and Teaching Assis­tant at her department.

She was hoping to start a Masters Degree programme at the Depart­ment, but was also exploring the possibility of getting a universi­ty scholarship to study abroad. ‘David, I don’t mind hanging around a little longer because I live close by, but in your case you will be driving for a while, so if you like, we can meet again in the next few days’.

‘Okay, my car is parked over there. But first give me your number. Can we meet in the next couple of days?’ ‘We certainly can. I will be moving from my parents’ place very soon, maybe in the next few days, so I will tell you my location when you call’.

‘Why are you moving from your parents’ place, if I may ask? Some­thing interesting happening?’ ‘How shall I say it? My parents think I am delaying in getting a husband, so they have been putting pressure on me to get married.

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In fact they tried to force a guy on me, and it backfired’. ‘O dear. I was about to ask you a question on this topic

By Ekow de Heer

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Leakages and  academic dysentery

Sikaman Palava

Student life just prior to GCE exams is as interesting and adven­turous as it is tragic. It is a period during which recalcitrant finalists are tempted to break into backyard poul­try outfits of senior house-masters, so that they can enjoy chicken-soup while “ghosting.”

And in mixed schools, it is during this revision period that boys and girls alternate studies with romance in such a way that at the beginning of the long vacation, the girls can clandestine­ly approach unscrupulous doctors to scoop out growing babies from their bellies.

A few weeks to the beginning of the first paper, many students devel­op physical and imaginary illnesses ranging from amnesia to kpokpomatics (nervousness). The budding finalist who is serious and level-headed plans his study time-table and allots time for bath, meals, siesta and snoring.

Such candidates follow their own regimented programme to the letter and enjoy normal life while studying for their exams. They are health-con­scious, do not take drugs and they enjoy rest to avoid brain fag.

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There are other serious students, however, who are not concerned about health. They are so busy, or claim to be, that they refuse to take their bath, comb their hair, wash their hands before eating and sometimes, simply refuse to go to “toilet”. This is quite revolutionary and I wonder how they manage it. But that is not all.

They take ‘caterpillar’ to keep awake, fail to wash their cover-cloths, and have air conditioners permanently installed in their armpits. These are students who are on the war-path to­wards academic distinction but ironi­cally very few of them do well.

Some are so over-zealous that they pack and carry books for all their eight or so subjects to the classroom swear­ing to ‘chew’ all before day-break. They end up learning virtually noth­ing because they prefer the rhythmic snoring using their books as pillow to cramming Abbot.

The following morning, they will be the first to impress their colleagues: “I swear my father’s moustache that last night I did what Napoleon could not do.” For sure, Napoleon did not sleep that much. Ninety per cent of such students end up in the academic grave with grade 9s, subsidiary passes and FAIL as their lot.

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Incidentally, however, those cate­gory of students are more acceptable to organised society than the happy-go-lucky ones who regard academic excellence as sacrilegious and, there­fore, include discoing, wee-smoking, chasing form-two girls and stealing gari from frail chop boxes in their study programme.

These are the students who are so intellectually deviant that they keep on praying papers should leak so that they can prove to their ‘book-long’ fel­lows they are a force to reckon with.

A month to exams they go hovering about West African Examinations Coun­cil (WAEC), forcing tete-a-tete with crooked officials some of whose faces look hungry enough to accept money in exchange for exam papers.

Others trot from school to school contacting friends of similar feather to obtain information about possible leak­age points. The girls become unusually liberal to the Assistant Headmaster who may, as a reciprocal gesture, be tempted to ‘peep’ two or three Maths questions from one paper to offer as sure tips after carefully changing the wording. These assistant heads, there­fore, become alphabetical surgeons; a very infamous occupation.

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In the 70s, the incidence of leak­ages and exam malpractices became so rampant among the WAEC countries that Nigeria swore to rid its territory of the epidemic.

They did succeed. Sikaman author­ities also swore same, and for some time, ears became free from news about leakages, impostors and ‘copia­to’ (copying during exams).

But just as we had begun the last decade of the 20th Century, the plague re-surfaced and today some students and their allies are under lock and key for the part they played in this scholas­tic uprising.

Papers leak right from WAEC strong rooms, police stations and assistant headmasters’ vaults.

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When papers for instance go into transit at the police station for onward transmission to the exam centres, sur­gical operations are performed on the sacks and the papers extracted and put on sale on the open market.

Sometime ago, the situation degen­erated so much that Makola women were seen hawking. Additional Mathe­matics papers just like tomatoes and garden-eggs.

One interesting but unfortunate thing about leakages is that it does no one ultimate good. To a brilliant student, a leaked paper in his posses­sion makes him unable to justify his intellectual capacity and his scholastic worth is over-shadowed.

To the brainless, it is simply a disas­ter. He has no brains whatsoever to im­bibe solution to the answers. He has to choose the alternative of entering the exam room with copied answers. And there, he becomes a copy-writer and proof-reader. Speed is his best asset, but he is most likely to be caught.

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One block-headed student who acquired a leaked paper was faced with the problem of choosing between ‘chewing’ the answers (which was virtually impossible in view of his de­ficient IQ), and turning himself into a speed copy-writer. He however decid­ed to do neither of these.

In the exam room he considered his plight. All his friends and enemies were also in possession of the paper and had prepared so well that they were going to clock beautiful grades. And he, the only JUDAS in the lot will surely wind up with a grade 9. What!! God forbid!

On the answer sheet he wrote a very brilliant letter to the examiner in clear hand-writing and similar to this:

“Dear Sir, this very paper you are marking is under massive leakage, and I know that people are going to blow it paa-a! But as for me, although I also had all the questions, I am as daft as a live sheep. My father had no brains in his big head. As for my mother, the least said about her, the better. And as you know that a dog does not beget a cat, I was born an idiot.”

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“So when I got the questions, I didn’t know what to do with them. Will you please therefore consider me and pass me too. Otherwise, I alone will die of academic dysentery. Thanks for your usual cooperation. Yours faithful­ly…”

The paper was cancelled, and students had to suffer the expense of re-registration and frustration, not forgetting the loss of time.

The only solution to this grave problem of exam leakages and allied criminal offences is that the law must prescribe stiffer punishments for those who perpetrate and or collaborate to further these criminal practices.

Those convicted of these offences must be packed away for as long as would be possible to make them forget about exam papers. Such a deterrent measure would help minimize the problem. Proper security arrangements must be organized by authorities of WAEC to rid Sikaman of this recurrent menace.

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We must all endeavour to prevent the situation where outsiders will feel inclined to refuse recognising our dear certificates which many have toiled for, but which a dangerous few want to obtain without sweat.

This article was first published on Saturday, June 30, 1990.

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