Relationship
Secrets to create meaningful relationships Know yourself to know others
When you learn to dig deep within yourself, you begin to learn about others more. The more you allow people to connect with you; you’d get to know them better in return. You’d know how to reach the very depth of people.
You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Don’t give people the power to control your mind or heart. You’re personal and perfectly capable of deciding how you feel about specific circumstances or people. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Be yourself, at all costs.
If someone doesn’t like you, it’s not your responsibility to change their opinion. You shouldn’t have to please anyone. Don’t change yourself to gain acceptance. Be proud of who you’re. You’re one of a kind. And if people can’t accept you for who you’re, you don’t need to keep them around.
Despite all the differences, people are essentially the same
Sure everyone you meet will be a little different from you, but what is life without a bit of colour. At the same time, you’d have at least a few things in common with the people you meet. Our similarities can link us and be the foundation of something unique.
No expectations, no disappointments
Not everyone has the same heart as yours. Not everyone is going to treat you the way you treat them. Don’t set any expectations from anyone; you might end up hurt. So spare yourself the pain, but be the best you can be. And let people surprise you. And if you meet someone who isn’t precisely lovely every once in a while, this habit of yours wouldn’t allow you to be affected much by them.
Listen to them attentively!
If someone’s sitting before you talking about something, listen to them intently, even if it doesn’t seem essential to you. It’s critical enough for them to speak to you about it, and you should respect that. Moreover, they’re talking to you about it because they expect you to listen and understand, don’t let them down. Even if the subject of the conversation doesn’t matter, the person talking matters, all the same; don’t be disrespectful.
Love yourself more, to be loved more
The more you love yourself, you’ll attract people who’d be capable of loving you with the same intensity. You’re showing people what you want and how you deserve to be treated. It works as a filter; only the people who’re willing to live up to those standards will dare reach out to you.
Don’t let the fear of getting hurt turn into the fear of falling in love
Please don’t play it safe; you’re never going to have a chance of finding what you’re looking for. Feelings are reciprocated. Love with all your heart, to be loved the same way. When it isn’t returned, it does hurt with the same intensity, but it teaches you how to cope with heartbreak all the same.
Love unconditionally
You are only responsible for what you do and how you feel. Love without any expectations of it being returned. You get back what you put out. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt.
Stop chasing people or things. What’s meant for you will find you
Focus on being the kind of person you’d want in your life. Don’t run after the things or people you think might be right for you. The right people and circumstances will find you when the time is right. Be the right person, and the right things will come to you.
To be continued.
Relationship
Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
1. Get to know yourself
Take the time to appreciate yourself and get in touch with your emotions to be able to express yourself clearly and more effectively.
Not knowing how to regulate your emotions and express them healthily can negatively affect your mental well-being.
2. Put in the work
Healthy relationships are not found but built.
A healthy relationship needs commitment and willingness to be accommodating to each other’s needs.
3. Set and respect boundaries
Setting boundaries is not only about what you don’t want or like in your relationships, but also about letting the people around you know what you appreciate.
Think about and let others know where your boundaries are; respecting your time alone for example.
Doing this can take the pressure off your relationship to commit to anything unrealistic.
4. Talk and listen
All relationships have disagreements and that’s ok. What matters is how you talk and listen to one another.
Listen to understand, rather than listening to respond.
Don’t be afraid to express your emotions or vulnerabilities with people you trust.
5. Let go of control
A lot of life is about how we react to our experiences and encounters. Knowing that you can only really control what you do and not what anyone else does will save you time and stress.
6. Reflect and learn
If you have a healthy way of expressing your feelings, you’re able to react to other people’s in a healthy way. Being angry with someone often comes from a place of feeling hurt and upset. If you can recognise that, you can communicate it, and build better relationships with others.
Reflect on the relationships that work best in your life, what qualities do these relationships have, and how can you bring these qualities into other relationships?
Relationship
Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse
When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the qualities, characteristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.
Why Non-Negotiables Matter?
Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relationship.
Types of Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables can be categorized into several types:
1. Values-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For example, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.
2. Personality-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extroverted.
3. Lifestyle-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and independence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.
4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotional needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and validating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.
5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables related to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.
How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:
1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most important to you in life? What do you stand for?
2. Think about your past relationships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?
3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?
4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and prioritize them.
Prioritising Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-negotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-negotiables:
1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of importance.
2. Categorise them: Categorize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.
3. Consider the consequences: Consider the consequences of compromising on each non-negotiable.
Communicating Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotiables, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-negotiables:
1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-negotiables.
2. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to compromise.
Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essential for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By knowing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to communicate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compromise and negotiation.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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