Relationship
Secrets to creating meaningful relationships (final)
Relationships could either be a blessing or a lesson.
Suppose it works out, great. You’ve finally found the one! But if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world either. You can learn from it. Failed relationships often teach you lessons that you might never know otherwise. They teach you about your shortcomings and how things ought to be handled when emotions are involved. A passing relationship, or a longer one; there’s always something to gain from them.
A few real friends over many fake ones
You don’t need a lot of people in your life to make it seem fulfilling. A few good, deep connections are all you need—a few people who you can trust and be yourself around.
Learn the difference between love and lust
˜Lust is when you love only what you see. Love is when you lust what’s inside.’ If they desire you more than they desire being with you, it’s not going to last. It’s superficial and would burn out sooner than you think. Find something meaningful, something more than just skin deep.
Don’t fear being judged.
If you think you’re weird, don’t suppress it. Acknowledge and flaunt it. Who wants to blend in any way! Be yourself because you can’t please everyone. And no matter what you do, someone somewhere will always find fault in your tracks. So if you get to choose only one person you can please, that person should undoubtedly be you. If people can accept you for who you are, keep them. If they can’t, you were doing pretty well without them anyway.
Be a better person than you were yesterday.
Do you want to find good, genuine people? Become one, and you’d cross paths with similar people. Become the person you’d like to be around. You can’t change people, and you shouldn’t. You only have control over yourself, and you can choose to be whoever you want to be, choose wisely!
Don’t allow negativity to creep into your relationship
Put so much positivity into your relationship that there is no room for negativity. Love with all your heart. Be good, have good. Treat your partner with love, respect, and kindness, and you’ll never worry about anything going wrong.
Other people are a reflection of you.
If you’re critical of everyone else, you’re probably essential of yourself as well. But if you appreciate your strengths, you’ll find yourself looking for the same in other people. Choosing how you see yourself determines how you see other people.
Don’t try to change people.
You’re never comfortable around someone you can’t be yourself with; the same is true for other people. Stop suffocating them and don’t lead them into believing that they’re not good enough. Appreciate their qualities, and overlook their shortcomings. Love them for who they, indeed, are.
Let go of the pain
If you hold on to pain and hurt, you can’t move on and find what is truly meant for you. They’re the very things holding you back. Even if you’ve been hurt, you still can find the love you deserve. But unless you’re willing to give it a chance to see you, it never will.
People make mistakes
You aren’t perfect, and neither is any other person alive. Accept them the way they are, to be accepted. Forgive their mistakes, to be forgiven when you do something wrong. After all, the mistakes you make teach you the lessons you need to learn. Stop giving people a hard time, and learn to forgive them.
Source: www.dreamyhub.com
Relationship
Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
1. Get to know yourself
Take the time to appreciate yourself and get in touch with your emotions to be able to express yourself clearly and more effectively.
Not knowing how to regulate your emotions and express them healthily can negatively affect your mental well-being.
2. Put in the work
Healthy relationships are not found but built.
A healthy relationship needs commitment and willingness to be accommodating to each other’s needs.
3. Set and respect boundaries
Setting boundaries is not only about what you don’t want or like in your relationships, but also about letting the people around you know what you appreciate.
Think about and let others know where your boundaries are; respecting your time alone for example.
Doing this can take the pressure off your relationship to commit to anything unrealistic.
4. Talk and listen
All relationships have disagreements and that’s ok. What matters is how you talk and listen to one another.
Listen to understand, rather than listening to respond.
Don’t be afraid to express your emotions or vulnerabilities with people you trust.
5. Let go of control
A lot of life is about how we react to our experiences and encounters. Knowing that you can only really control what you do and not what anyone else does will save you time and stress.
6. Reflect and learn
If you have a healthy way of expressing your feelings, you’re able to react to other people’s in a healthy way. Being angry with someone often comes from a place of feeling hurt and upset. If you can recognise that, you can communicate it, and build better relationships with others.
Reflect on the relationships that work best in your life, what qualities do these relationships have, and how can you bring these qualities into other relationships?
Relationship
Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse
When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the qualities, characteristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.
Why Non-Negotiables Matter?
Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relationship.
Types of Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables can be categorized into several types:
1. Values-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For example, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.
2. Personality-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extroverted.
3. Lifestyle-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and independence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.
4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotional needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and validating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.
5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables related to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.
How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:
1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most important to you in life? What do you stand for?
2. Think about your past relationships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?
3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?
4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and prioritize them.
Prioritising Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-negotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-negotiables:
1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of importance.
2. Categorise them: Categorize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.
3. Consider the consequences: Consider the consequences of compromising on each non-negotiable.
Communicating Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotiables, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-negotiables:
1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-negotiables.
2. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to compromise.
Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essential for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By knowing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to communicate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compromise and negotiation.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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