Relationship
Setting boundaries in relationships
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are the behavioural expectations and limits that a person maintains in relationships to preserve their mental health and respect the feelings of others. Good boundaries—which can apply to loved ones, friends, coworkers, and family members—form the bedrock of healthy relationships, instituting a common comfort level concerning different activities and conversational topics.
By establishing consensual terms on which to build and conduct relationships, boundary setting is both a form of self-care and a way of showing your care for others.
Reasons to set boundaries
All healthy relationships involve some degree of boundary setting, which can benefit all parties. Here is how:
1. Creates comfortable social interactions: Too-rigid boundaries impede authentic, solid bonds, while too-loose boundaries can foster unhealthy codependency or oversharing. However, setting healthy emotional boundaries that prioritise reciprocity creates healthy, balanced relationships where both parties can trust each other.
2. Decreases stress: When a person openly communicates their needs to the people around them, they can realistically assess the reciprocal levels of accountability if a person mistreats them, reducing the stress of placing internal or external blame.
3. Fosters self-esteem: Setting healthy boundaries allows a person to command greater control over their personal space, how they spend their time, and how others treat them. This level of control can increase a person’s self-awareness and help them get in touch with their needs while still honoring the needs of others.
Types of boundaries
When considering the kinds of boundaries you will like to set in your relationships, it is important to assess your needs. Here are some of the types of boundaries you can set:
1. Emotional boundaries: These mental boundaries dictate a person’s comfort level with sharing their emotions with others and vice-versa.
2. Financial boundaries: How a person feels about discussing personal finances or loaning money to others qualifies as financial boundaries.
3. Physical boundaries: These boundaries relate to physical space and a person’s comfort with others crossing those boundaries. Physical boundaries include a person’s personal space desires or how they feel about someone hugging or touching them.
4. Professional boundaries: Many people feel less comfortable sharing personal matters with their professional colleagues than with friends and family. These professional boundaries may overlap with a person’s emotional and physical boundaries.
5. Sexual boundaries: A person can set limitations around sexual comments or advances made upon them by other parties in different situations, like on a first date or at family gatherings.
6. Time boundaries: If a person requires a certain amount of alone time or social time to feel happy and fulfilled, these are time boundaries.
How to set boundaries
Setting boundaries can seem daunting, but being too lax may create more emotional work for everyone in a relationship. Here are some tips on how to begin setting boundaries:
- Discuss early or as conflicts arise. An easy way to avoid confusion or hurt feelings in a budding relationship is to clarify how you’d like people to treat you—whether they are coworkers, friends, or romantic partners. Conversely, you can hold off and discuss the situations and conflicts as they arise—just make sure to communicate your needs honestly in the moment.
- Reinforce as needed. Reminding people about your boundaries does not have to result in conflict. Instead, you can gently bring up your grievances when someone commits a boundary violation. If the behavior continues, revisit the topic or—if the person seems unreceptive—consider distancing yourself from them.
- Communicate and revisit regularly. Having strong boundaries does not mean that you are stubborn; it merely means that you have the self-awareness and communication skills to relay your needs to others. If the nature of a relationship changes, or if you feel differently, it is perfectly acceptable to discuss revising your boundaries. –Source: masterclass.com
Relationship
Marriage is a cultural union
Marriage is a cultural union
Marriage is often considered a cultural union; because it is a social institution that is deeply rooted in cultural norms and traditions. In many cultures, marriage is not just a union between two individuals, but a union between families, tribes, or even entire communities.
Marriage is a cultural union or institution that varies across different societies and cultures, but it typically involves certain common elements, such as a public declaration of commitment, a legal contract, and a religious or social ceremony.
In many cultures, marriage is also closely tied to religious or spiritual beliefs, and may involve elaborate ceremonies and rituals that reflect these beliefs. For example, in African and Christian dominated cultures, the wedding ceremony is usually seen as a sacred union between a man and woman, and involves a number of traditional rituals and customs that symbolise the couple’s commitment to each other and to their shared spiritual path.
The cultural significance of marriage varies widely across cultures, but some common themes include the formation of social bonds, the establishment of a family unit, and the preservation of cultural values and traditions. Marriage is often seen as a way to ensure the continuation of a particular culture or way of life, as well as a way to transmit cultural knowledge and values to future generations.
Generally, marriage can be seen as a cultural union because it is deeply embedded in the social and cultural fabric of many societies around the world. It serves as a powerful symbol of social cohesion and continuity, and reflects the values and beliefs of the communities in which it is practised.
In Christianity, marriage is often viewed as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, established by God for the purpose of companionship, procreation, and the establishment of a family unit. While marriage is viewed as a union between two individuals, it is also seen as a union between God, the couple, and their community. The Christian view of marriage as a cultural union is rooted in the belief that human beings are created in the image of God and are therefore endowed with the capacity for love, relationship, and community.
Marriage is seen as a reflection of the triune nature of God, who exists in a perfect relationship of love and unity between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Christian teachings emphasise the importance of fidelity, commitment, and self-sacrifice in marriage, and stress the importance of maintaining a strong and healthy relationship between spouses.
In many Christian traditions, marriage is also seen as a sacrament, a sacred rite that confers spiritual grace and blessings on the couple. The wedding ceremony is often conducted in a Church or other religious settings, and may involve rituals and customs that reflect the couple’s Christian faith and commitment to each other.
Essentially, the Christian view of marriage as a cultural union emphasizes the importance of love, commitment, and community in the establishment of a lifelong partnership between a man and a woman. It is seen as a sacred covenant between God, the couple, and their community, and serves as a powerful symbol of the values and beliefs of the Christian faith.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 2
As divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.
A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.
Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with another four tips.
5. Keep the biological connections strong
Encourage all the children to keep a close connection to both of their biological parents. It may be difficult when they live different cities, but it is not impossible.
When you are supportive in this way and respectful of the ex-spouses, the children will see that it is not a competition for affection. Rather, it shows them that you truly care about their happiness.
6. Give support to the children who have to live in two households
Show compassion and understanding to the children who have to move back and forth. Do not assume all is fine but be ready to listen when they need you.
They may worry about missing out on something while they are gone. They may also still have a lot of unresolved feelings about the end of their biological parent’s marriage or the death of one of their parents.
The moment of packing up and moving once again can be highly emotional and feel overwhelming to them. Be by their side.
7. Nurture your marriage
Of course, the transition is not just tough on the children but also for you and your spouse. You will need your partner’s support and they need yours. So, do not forget to make time for each other and cultivate closeness. Your relationship needs to be strong to make a success of your new blended family.
Enjoy date nights and keep your bond strong. Your children will naturally fall in place behind your lead.
8. Expect to adjust
With proper help and guidance, children can recover from family disruption. All children experience a difficult adjustment period following a divorce or remarriage.
It takes time, patience, and perhaps some professional assistance, but most children are able to regain their emotional bearings. It is critical that the adults manage their own emotional recovery in order to help the children adjust without trauma.
Source- eddinscounseling.com
