Relationship
Show me your friends and I’ll show you your health span
Friends sharing their challenges
“Me nyare n’anso me nti ap)” this is a popular akan saying that can be translated into English as “I am not ill, yet I feel unwell.” It’s that feeling when you just can’t place a finger on what is not right with you.
Today, I can confidently inform you that if you have felt this way in the past, you certainly had a point. Medical science has come a long way and we know that health and wellness go far beyond what we are used to; pains, heart disease, infections etc. that form physical health/wellness.
Other equally important aspects of wellness exist, and these may be classified as social, mental, spiritual, financial and digital health and wellness.
Do not be surprised when your doctor begins to ask you questions about your social network such as those you have close ties with i.e., family or friends or both. Longevity depends on a large extend on one’s social support system or network.
This is how the American Heart Association puts it “lack of SOCIAL CONNECTION is associated with increased risk of premature death from all causes, especially among men.”
This is no open ticket to spend all of one’s after work hours hanging out with friends under the disguise that you are prolonging your life or reducing your risk of premature death. Moderation is key in all things and your strong social ties need not be a whole village, all you need is a handful of loyal friends or family who know you inside out and have your wellbeing at heart.
If you are stressed out or have any mental health challenges, you should be able to speak to a close friend and sharing your challenge may just be enough or this friend may be able to advice you appropriately.
It is easy to laugh with such friends and not be worried about being judged and laughter as you know is MEDICINE. Close contacts may prompt you to take your physical health seriously but even if they don’t, that bond you share, the sense of belonging causes the body to produce feel good hormones that protect you and prolong your health span.
I prefer health span to lifespan simply because lifespan refers to just being alive but one may not be “living” as you may be bedridden, in a coma, have multiple organ challenges etc. We should all aim at a long health span.
The art of building strong social connections is one reason we need to work on getting our children away from their phones and other gadgets that deprive them of the opportunity to talk to their peers, share physical contact and form lifelong relationships.
Dear friend, choose your friends wisely if you want to live a long, healthy and happy life.
While you work on your social connections, let’s breathe our way to great health by following the steps below and repeat these steps daily;
1. Sit in a quiet place.
2. Avoid tight clothing (so loosen your belt, neck tie or other constricting clothing).
3. Take in deep breaths through your nostril and exhale slowly through partially closed lips.
a. At the peak of your initial inhale, take in another breath and hold for a count of 4 before exhaling.
4. Expand your belly as you breathe in.
5. Focus on your breathing and forget about everything else.
6. When your focus drifts off (and it will about 50 per cent of the time), acknowledge the thought but quickly return to your breathing.
7. Continue breathing in and exhaling for 5 minutes.
8. Increase the duration of this breathing/mindfulness over time.
…and remember to teach your friends to breathe too, after all together you will live a long healthy and enjoyable life.
AS ALWAYS LAUGH OFTEN, ENSURE HYGIENE, WALK AND PRAY EVERYDAY AND REMEMBER IT’S A PRICELESS GIFT TO KNOW YOUR NUMBERS (blood sugar, blood pressure, blood cholesterol, BMI).
Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
Health Essentials Ltd (HE&W Group)
(dressel@healthessentialsgh. com)
*Dr Essel is a Medical Doctor with a keen interest in Lifestyle Medicine, He holds an MBA and is an ISSA Specialist in Exercise Therapy, Fitness Nutrition and Corrective Exercise. He is the author of the award-winning book, ‘Unravelling the Essentials of Health & Wealth.’
Thought for the week (1) – “Lack of sleep may predispose you to many diseases including a STROKE. Jump into bed an hour earlier and sleep a stroke away. You cannot be healthy during WAR or VIOLENCE, let’s all pray and work towards PEACE in our WORLD”
Thought for the week (2) – “There is no magic formula to being happy but making a conscious effort to be happy goes a long way.” – Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
By Dr Kojo Cobba Essel
Relationship
The role of family and friends in choosing a spouse
When choosing a spouse, family and friends can play a vital role. They can provide support, guidance, and advice, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
In this article, we will delve into the role of family and friends in choosing a spouse and provide guidance on how to navigate their influence.
Cultural and Traditional
Expectations of Family
Family can influence your choice of spouse. They usually have certain expectations or requirements for your partner, and they may also have concerns or reservations about your choice.
Your family may have certain cultural or traditional expectations for your spouse. For example, they may expect your spouse to be from the same cultural or religious background.
They may also expect your spouse to have certain qualities or characteristics that are valued in your culture or tradition.
Cultural expectations can influence our communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, and emotional expression. In many cultures, it is customary to show respect and deference to elders, while in others, it is more common to challenge authority and question tradition.
Social Status
The social status of your spouse may be a concern for your family. They may expect your spouse to have a certain level of education, income, or occupation. They may also expect your spouse to have certain social connections or relationships.
Social status shapes our identities and self-esteem. When choosing a spouse, social status can influence our preferences and priorities. Some people may place a high value on marrying someone with a high-paying job or a prestigious title.
Personality and Character
Family may have expectations around the personality and character of your spouse. Most times, they may expect your spouse to be kind, honest, and responsible. They may also expect your spouse to have certain values or morals.
The Influence of Friends
Friends can also be significant in choosing a spouse. They provide support and encouragement, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
Friends can introduce you to potential partners within their social circle. This can be a great way to meet new people and potentially find a partner. However, remember that your friends may not always have your best interests at heart.
Social circle impacts our relationships. In selecting a partner to marry, social circle can influence our preferences and priorities. For instance, some people may place a high value on marrying someone within their social circle, while others may prefer to meet someone outside of their usual social network.
Support and Encouragement
Friends give emotional support and encouragement throughout the relationship. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. However, it is vital to remember that friends may not always be objective.
Yes, the influence of family and friends is undeniable in choosing a spouse. While their support and guidance can be valuable, it is crucial to know that the decision of who to marry is ultimately yours.
By communicating openly, setting boundaries, prioritising your relationship, and seeking outside help if needed, you can navigate the influence of family and friends and build a strong and healthy relationship.
To be continued…
Relationship
How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce
1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)
Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.
Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”
Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriages—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.
The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.
While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a volatile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.
This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.
In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.
In such cases, the person typically knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithfulness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidelity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.
Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These profound effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its potential to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.
Unfortunately, marriages frequently end after adultery is discovered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeatedly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolution of their marital relationship.
Children are likely to be affected adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destructive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.
2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication
Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective communication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.
In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statistics:
• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent
• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.
Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, respect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excellent communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.
It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “A COUNSELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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