Relationship
Some signs he wants a future with you
I’m always here to help you understand what is actually going on. If you’ve been getting a feeling that your guy is planning to spend the rest of his life with you, you definitely need confirmation. You cannot just go up to him and ask him because if he isn’t, you’re going to scare him away and come off as a desperate little girl, which you’re not. If you’re having doubts about whether your boyfriend is serious about you or wants to share his future with you, the following are signs that he is serious and wants to spend his life with you!
He introduces you to his family
If, after a long time of you guys being in a relationship, your boyfriend insists on taking you home to introduce you to his parents, it might mean that he’s thinking about his life together with you. Keep an ear out for ‘you’re the first girl he has brought home’ or ‘he rarely introduces us to a girlfriend’ because this is a positive sign, and he is serious about you. You’d be surprised how many guys are reluctant to bring a girl home.
He stands up for you even if his family on the other side
If he’s always there to defend your honour, that means he is head over heels for you. But does this mean he has a future planned out with you? Boyfriends usually do protect their girls, so no. It might mean that he wants to marry you when it comes to family. If, for some reason, his family is against you, and even then, he doesn’t let that affect your relationship, this means he wants to be with you. Nobody risks losing their family for some girl they’re ‘just dating’.
He sub-consciously makes future plans with you
‘Let’s go on a world tour once we retire,’ ‘How many kids do you want, ‘let’s settle down in New York’ are just random comments from him. Girls might say such things without actually meaning it, but for guys, it’s different. They are cautious about sending across the message of settling down with a girl unless they have thought about it themselves. So if your guy is comfortable saying these things to you, this means he has been thinking about it.
He starts behaving shady and saving money
Girls, this one is a complicated little one because it could either mean that he’s going to propose or that he’s cheating on you – well, that escalates quickly… If your guy all of a sudden has started cutting back on expenses and is being secretive, this might mean that he’s planning a proposal and wants to spend the saved money on getting you a ring. You’ll know which case it is because coming home late and ignoring your phone calls will warn you if it’s the latter. This shady behaviour is safe, like dropping hints like I have a surprise or we’re going away for the weekend, etc.
Something fishy in your jewelry drawer or maybe just a ring is missing
This one is the cutest sign and maybe one that ensures a proposal is on the way. No matter how secretive a guy is, he needs your finger size to get a ring that fits. For this purpose, he needs to go through your jewelry. Little do guys know, but girls will always realise if somebody has touched their stuff and definitely when a piece of their jewelry is missing. If your ring is missing or your boyfriend tries to ask your ring size jokingly, then expect a proposal anytime soon.
Relationship
Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships
1. Get to know yourself
Take the time to appreciate yourself and get in touch with your emotions to be able to express yourself clearly and more effectively.
Not knowing how to regulate your emotions and express them healthily can negatively affect your mental well-being.
2. Put in the work
Healthy relationships are not found but built.
A healthy relationship needs commitment and willingness to be accommodating to each other’s needs.
3. Set and respect boundaries
Setting boundaries is not only about what you don’t want or like in your relationships, but also about letting the people around you know what you appreciate.
Think about and let others know where your boundaries are; respecting your time alone for example.
Doing this can take the pressure off your relationship to commit to anything unrealistic.
4. Talk and listen
All relationships have disagreements and that’s ok. What matters is how you talk and listen to one another.
Listen to understand, rather than listening to respond.
Don’t be afraid to express your emotions or vulnerabilities with people you trust.
5. Let go of control
A lot of life is about how we react to our experiences and encounters. Knowing that you can only really control what you do and not what anyone else does will save you time and stress.
6. Reflect and learn
If you have a healthy way of expressing your feelings, you’re able to react to other people’s in a healthy way. Being angry with someone often comes from a place of feeling hurt and upset. If you can recognise that, you can communicate it, and build better relationships with others.
Reflect on the relationships that work best in your life, what qualities do these relationships have, and how can you bring these qualities into other relationships?
Relationship
Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse
When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the qualities, characteristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.
Why Non-Negotiables Matter?
Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relationship.
Types of Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables can be categorized into several types:
1. Values-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For example, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.
2. Personality-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extroverted.
3. Lifestyle-based non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and independence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.
4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotional needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and validating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.
5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables related to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.
How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Identifying your non-negotiables requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:
1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most important to you in life? What do you stand for?
2. Think about your past relationships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?
3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?
4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and prioritize them.
Prioritising Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-negotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-negotiables:
1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of importance.
2. Categorise them: Categorize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.
3. Consider the consequences: Consider the consequences of compromising on each non-negotiable.
Communicating Your Non-Negotiables
Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotiables, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-negotiables:
1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-negotiables.
2. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to compromise.
Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essential for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By knowing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to communicate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compromise and negotiation.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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