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Some signs you are not ready to get married (final)

Shot of a young couple having relationship problems at home

Shot of a young couple having relationship problems at home

All your friends are married

How do you know you are not ready for marriage? You have been going to other people’s wed­dings for the past year and a half. You seem to have a permanent seat at the bride and groom’s table. You are tired of being asked, “So, when are you two going to tie the knot?”

If you are feeling left out because all of your friends have become “Mr and Mrs”, expand your social circle to include other non-marrieds. Clearly, you are not ready to get married and are just caving into peer pressure.

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That is a much healthier way to handle this situation than moving forward with a wedding, just because you hate being the last unmarried couple at Bunco night.

You think your partner has the potential to change

You want to marry the person your partner is, not the person you imagine they can be. While people do undergo some changes are they mature, they do not change funda­mentally. Whoever your partner is right now, that is the person they will always be.

So entering a marriage thinking it will magically change your partner into being more responsible, more ambitious, more caring, or more attentive to you is a huge mistake. Choosing to get married because of this false notion is also one of the signs you’re not ready for marriage.

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People don’t change just because they exchange wedding rings. If you are not ready to get married it doesn’t imply that you will remain lonely till the end of your life.

Leverage this time to understand what is making you feel cold feet, build trust in your relationship, set and maintain healthy boundaries, make future plans, and ask yourself what you’re looking for out of a mar­riage and your partner.

By taking note of signs suggesting you are not ready to get married, you will be able to work at strength­ening your bond, work at the areas of improvement in your relationship and build something special together, that has what it takes to weather the storms of a married life together.

Then use these insights to first build a solid relationship with your partner and then take the plunge when you both feel fully ready to. Remember the popular idiom, “We will cross the bridge when we come to it.”

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Source: www.marriage.com

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Relationship

 Tips for creating healthy working relationships

 WE spend around a third of our lives at work. Our jobs and careers make a real impact on our overall levels of happiness. Having good work relationships will always make our jobs more enjoyable

Also, when we have great workplace relationships we will demonstrate cooperation, trust and fairness, acti­vating the reward centre of our brains which encourages even more positive interactions.

Here are some tips to create healthy relationships at the work­place.

1. Focus on self-awareness

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This means taking full responsibility for your words and actions, not letting your own negative emotions impact the people around us.

If you feel frustration or resentment towards others this will manifest in what you observe and the way you engage.

By developing your own Emotional Intelligence, you will become more adept at identifying and handling your emotions be able to recognise the needs of others.

Again, if you view colleagues with compassion and respect, you will improve your interactions and build strong working relationships.

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What would happen if you stopped making judgments and embraced a positive appraisal of your co-workers? If we saw difference as something valuable that could be harnessed and actually enhance your perception and understanding of those around you? Your vibe will always attract your tribe.

2. Be open and honest

A good relationships depend on open, honest communication. Wheth­er you are sending emails or meeting face-to-face or on video calls, the more effectively you communicate with those around you, the better you will connect. It is important to iden­tify the nature of your relationships with others.

What is it that we need and what do our colleagues need from us? Once you know the fundamentals of what you need you can be clear with communi­cating and better understanding each other’s requirements.

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3. Practice active listening

Good people skills are essential. How good are you at collaborating, communicating and managing chal­lenge? People respond better to those who truly listen to what they have to say. By practicing active listening, you will talk less and understand colleagues more and you will quickly become trustworthy and have more successful interactions.

One key skill you can forget when listening is the power of a good ques­tion. Active listening is engaging in what you hear, asking questions such as ‘What would you like to happen?’ How can I help you address that? Shows you listen and you care.

4. Avoid bad people skills

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Good people skills mean avoiding the bad people skills. Gossip and negativity can ruin any workplace relationships. If you are experiencing challenge with someone in your group, talk to them directly and kindly about the problem, be prepared to listen attentively and objectively.

Gossiping or colluding with other colleagues will only aggravate the issues, accelerating mistrust and ani­mosity.

5. Give praise and feedback

Everyone wants to feel that their work is appreciated and to feel truly valued. Genuinely complimenting the work and actions of those around you is a great way to build relationships.

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Be honest, precise and authentic when delivering praise. Thank you or a gentle word of encouragement can make all the difference to some­one’s day. These positive interactions can have a ripple effect and create a much happier and more successful workplace

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Relationship

What you should expect to learn in pre-marital counselling

• Pre-marital counselling involves couples coming together for joint therapy sessions

Many times, pre-marital counsel­ling involves couples or partners coming together for joint ther­apy sessions. Working with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist, you will learn skills to help improve your relationship as a couple.

At the same time, it is not all pre-marital counselling that leads to marriage. It is possible that certain discoveries (and major red flags) could emerge during the counselling ses­sions, and for that reason one of you may want to discontinue the marriage process so as to avoid any future regrets.

From my experience and profession­al practice, I would say that no matter how painful it is to break up a rela­tionship prior to marriage; it is still far better to do that than to break up your marriage relationship.

The marriage breakup has more serious implications than any pain that could emerge from relationship break up.

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In some instances, the specific topics to be explored and skills to be developed in your pre-marital coun­selling sessions will depend on your needs as a couple.

Despite this, I would give you all the topics and skills to expect your coun­sellor to take you through in order to have a happy and lasting relationship.

Even if you are not considering pre-marital counselling at the mo­ment, you can still benefit from these skills and topics. They are also an excellent way to create depth in your conversations and build a solid healthy foundation in the early stages of your relationship.

Not in any specific order, I would like you to take note of these import­ant skills and lessons you will learn in your sessions: 1 understanding the concept of marriage, 2 building a strong foundation for your marriage, 3 examining your expectations leading to your marriage, 4 undergoing medi­cal tests and sometimes mental health assessment, 5 resolving conflicts together, 6 communicating openly and effectively, 7 taking decisions as a couple, 8. building a strong Christian home (if you’re Christians), 9 building transparency and trust, 10 knowing yourselves: your strengths and weak­nesses—and how to improve them, 11 building commitment towards the marriage and each other, 12 accepting your unique roles and responsibilities in your marriage, 13 planning your future together, 14 sexual intimacy in marriage, 15 bearing and raising chil­dren, 16 understanding the concept of love, 17 the role of love languages in experiencing marital happiness, 18 managing your home finances, 19 defining your beliefs and values, 20 adjustments in marriage, 21 balancing love, work, and family life, 22 relating with your in-laws and third parties, 23 creating your unique marriage and family rituals, 24 engaging married couples to learn from them, 25 under­standing divorce and what causes it, 26 Christian view on divorce, 27 pre­paring for your marriage ceremony, 28 planning for your honeymoon and how to maximise it, and finally, 29 making your first year of marriage count.

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To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprin­ceass.wixsite.com/edu-counsel­ing-psych

https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/ website-psychologist

https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/ website

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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAIN­ING INSTITUTE

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