Relationship
Some signs your relationship is healthy
There’s an essential factor in your life which you just as easily hold the key to for keeping it safe and sound. And that’s relationships. They too can be healthy if only what you and your partner have assures your relationship is doing both of you good, individually as well as collectively.
If not, it’ll just shrivel away and leave you and your partner on no solid ground.
There is faith
Your partner believes in you even when you lose all faith in yourself. You know them completely as a person, inside out and acknowledge what they lack yet you do not talk about them behind their back to your family and friends.
You forget who you are so they bring you back to existence by reminding you and you do the same for them. When one falters, the other is there to pick them up and move forward again. This kind of affirmative faith in each other ensures a healthy relationship that will last a long time.
There is trust
You both trust each other enough to do things your own way yet remain loyal only to one another. You do not go looking into their personal stuff nor do they look into yours and trust each other to handle issues themselves, without cheating on the other. When they break a promise or cannot fulfill some responsibility, there is enough trust between you two that you do not hold it over their head and put baseless blames on them.
They do the same for you. If you have such an unflinching, unmoving trust in your relationship then it can stand the test of time because everything else in a relationship is based on the moral of trust. – Continue reading on next page
There is mutual acceptance
So you both know each other’s pasts; know the kind of upbringing you both had; all the past lovers you have been with; every past mistake you made yet both of you accept each other the way it is that is a sure sign for the relationship that is going to last. You do not try to control your partner to make them do things your way nor do they control you. Neither of you questions each other’s motives for doing what they do.
There is gratitude
You both appreciate the little things you do for each other. No one is waiting for the new job or for the salary bump; to move in to the different city, or for the next trip to make things interesting in the relationship.
You and your partner are truly grateful for what you have right now in the present. Both of you find contentment and peace with what you have together and no one plays the dangerous game of if only. There is no rushing into things either. Both you and your partner focus on the path you are walking upon together and the whole process of it, not the destination.
There is good communication
Both of you realise how essential it is to resolve petty little issues, work past temporary setbacks and be happy again. And in order to do that, there exists good communication between you and your partner. You speak your mind and do not mind what you speak.
There is no hesitation or withholding of anything between the two of you in fact, letting out what you both feel seems like the most comfortable thing to do. You both listen to one another and take heed of what the other wants, or what needs to be changed so things would be better.
Source: www.gistping.com
Relationship
The role of family and friends in choosing a spouse
When choosing a spouse, family and friends can play a vital role. They can provide support, guidance, and advice, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
In this article, we will delve into the role of family and friends in choosing a spouse and provide guidance on how to navigate their influence.
Cultural and Traditional
Expectations of Family
Family can influence your choice of spouse. They usually have certain expectations or requirements for your partner, and they may also have concerns or reservations about your choice.
Your family may have certain cultural or traditional expectations for your spouse. For example, they may expect your spouse to be from the same cultural or religious background.
They may also expect your spouse to have certain qualities or characteristics that are valued in your culture or tradition.
Cultural expectations can influence our communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, and emotional expression. In many cultures, it is customary to show respect and deference to elders, while in others, it is more common to challenge authority and question tradition.
Social Status
The social status of your spouse may be a concern for your family. They may expect your spouse to have a certain level of education, income, or occupation. They may also expect your spouse to have certain social connections or relationships.
Social status shapes our identities and self-esteem. When choosing a spouse, social status can influence our preferences and priorities. Some people may place a high value on marrying someone with a high-paying job or a prestigious title.
Personality and Character
Family may have expectations around the personality and character of your spouse. Most times, they may expect your spouse to be kind, honest, and responsible. They may also expect your spouse to have certain values or morals.
The Influence of Friends
Friends can also be significant in choosing a spouse. They provide support and encouragement, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
Friends can introduce you to potential partners within their social circle. This can be a great way to meet new people and potentially find a partner. However, remember that your friends may not always have your best interests at heart.
Social circle impacts our relationships. In selecting a partner to marry, social circle can influence our preferences and priorities. For instance, some people may place a high value on marrying someone within their social circle, while others may prefer to meet someone outside of their usual social network.
Support and Encouragement
Friends give emotional support and encouragement throughout the relationship. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. However, it is vital to remember that friends may not always be objective.
Yes, the influence of family and friends is undeniable in choosing a spouse. While their support and guidance can be valuable, it is crucial to know that the decision of who to marry is ultimately yours.
By communicating openly, setting boundaries, prioritising your relationship, and seeking outside help if needed, you can navigate the influence of family and friends and build a strong and healthy relationship.
To be continued…
Relationship
How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce
1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)
Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.
Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”
Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriages—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.
The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.
While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a volatile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.
This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.
In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.
In such cases, the person typically knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithfulness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidelity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.
Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These profound effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its potential to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.
Unfortunately, marriages frequently end after adultery is discovered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeatedly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolution of their marital relationship.
Children are likely to be affected adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destructive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.
2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication
Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective communication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.
In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statistics:
• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent
• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.
Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, respect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excellent communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.
It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “A COUNSELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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