Features
The stomach, ministers and parliamentarians
Sikaman Palava
My bosom friend Kofi Kokotako had the ‘impudence’ of a dead cock- roach. It was at a food-eating competition where he surprised the devil himself. Yes, Mr James Lucifer was awed because Kofi ate like a demon and won the competition hands down.
He started with six hefty balls of kenkey and palmnut soup. Soon after, he followed it with eba and okro soup which he swallowed like a hungry Yoruba carpenter.
The quantity could have satisfied three famishing construction labourers.
He relaxed a bit and requested for ten pieces of cooked cocoyam with kontomire stew when all the other competitors had long retired. Like a savage, he crushed the large pieces between his jaws and every- body applauded. Presently he announced that he was not half-satisfied.
He ordered one big loaf of butter-bread and four large cups of a popular beverage and finished it all in record time, as spectators gaped at the spectacle. Everybody began wondering whether Kokotako was some kind of food-god.
He now relaxed completely and of course, everyone thought he was done with. Then he surprised all when he took hold of a tuber of yam and started peeling it, saying that it was for dessert. Soon the yam was cooked and it all disappeared down his long throat with garden egg stew.
Not long thereafter, a small boy was eating kokonte and groundnut soup nearby and Kokotako collected it from him amidst laughter: He devoured it gleefully while the boy cried for the loss of his food.
Kofi Kokotako won the competition and was honoured with a trophy and ¢300 in those days when the cedi was powerful. But it was not too long after the presentation ceremony when he confided in me that he was feeling dizzy. I suggested to him that he should order mashed kenkey to clear the dizziness and he retorted that I was a fool.
“Do you want to kill me?” he asked. “This is a killer advice. Mashed kenkey on top of all these?”
It was then that I realised that my good friend was not a food-god, after all. Before I was aware Kokotako had crashed to the floor. Collapsed. There was an uproar! The champion was dying! Someone said his hernia had come, and another said that the food was boozing him like akpeteshie.
Anyhow, he was carried to the hospital and the doctor gave him an emetic which made him throw-up. The doctor’s report stated that it was unbelievable a human being of the stature of Master Kokotako could consume such quantity.
He added that the dangerous boy probably vomited more than he ate, a miracle of a rare kind.
When he recuperated, the doctor interviewed him. Asked why he ate so much, he replied that he wanted to win the contest hands down and stomach out.
“Under normal circumstances, how many balls of kenkey can you eat at one sitting?”
“Only about six balls at a sitting.”
“Is it a family disease or is it peculiar to you only?”
“Sir, it is not a family disease. It is a gift from God.”
Yeah, Kofi Kokotako was and is a trencherman, with an unusual capacity for food. That is why when he wakes up from bed and has not taken his almighty break- fast he would frown and not respond to any greeting.
When he was in Form Three, his father called him at dawn and advised him. “My son,” he said, “I’ve realised that you’ve got talent in dealing with food. In fact, you are more than a bush-pig. So I’ll advise you to take your Agricultural Science studies very, very seriously. Don’t joke with it at all because it is the key to your future happiness, since you have a problem with your stomach.
“I want to be a cook instead,” Kokotako suggested.
“If you don’t produce food, how can you cook it?”
If Kokotako had been a parliamentarian in the Fourth Republic, he would have been dozing all throughout the daily sessions after having breakfast weighing several kilos. And I hope that none of our parliamentarians is following in the footsteps of my friend as far as matters of the stomach are concerned.
Parliament is a place of serious legislative business and there is no room for dozers. At the moment, parliamentarians are vetting ministerial nominees who, when approved of, will become ministers plenipotentiary of the state.
And I guess they have started doing a good job, and not dozing. Now, to vet somebody means that you should be able to know him inside out.
During the revolution, secretaries of state were not vetted because where was the parliament to vet them? They were simply appointed and didn’t even undergo medical exam before they took post.
But this time, it is becoming quite different and I urge, the Committee to employ the use of spirito-electronic X’rays which can bring out past moral activities of the nominees.
We want our ministers to be men of proven integrity and high moral standing. Some of them have one wife but three concubines. As for the girlfriends, no way; they don’t even know the names of some of them. They just come and go.
A minister of such reputation will obviously not be putting up his best because he would be pre- occupied with grabbing money to satisfy his numerous women.
Nominees should also be tested for alcoholism because any minister who imbibes more than the alcoholic equivalent of four bottles of beer a day will not be a responsible person as far as diligence and hardwork are concerned.
Their hands should also be examined to see if they’ve been tainted with stealing state money or misapplying it. They should also be examined for their food habits. A minister whose capacity is comparable to that of Kofi Kokotako and eats heavy kokonte at six o’clock in the morning is certain to doze all day long and therefore cannot handle ministerial affairs.
What about parliamentarians? They have already been vetted by their people, and what is now at hand borders on their salary. And I think they are aware that their job is sacrificial and not of luxury.
They must, however, be paid well so that they can afford coffee and toasted bread at breakfast to make them smart at the assembly. If not, a majority of them will continue eating heated left-over banku and when the Speaker of Parliament asks one why he has been dozing regularly, he’d reply:
“Mr Speaker, I ate yesterday’s banku early this morning and I guess the corn dough fermented a bit too much. Please, pay us quickly and then we can avoid fermentation and take oats, milk and jam before coming to the assembly.”
Yes the salary of parliamentarians. Anything between ¢180,000 and ¢250,000 will do for them. If they are fighting for more than that, then it means that they have no feeling for the country.
They must know that because of the rise in the salaries of civil servants, the country is broke. Also, some workers are earning ¢20,000 a month and so ¢250,000 for a parliamentarian who is doing sacrificial work should suffice.
I wish the parliamentarians a happy term and urge them to deliberate on issues very objectively and me to good conclusions to avoid the legislature being labelled as a one-party parliament.
Features
The Prophet part 9
Antubam followed her. She indicated for him to sit down. She was about to call Mary when she emerged from the hall, followed by Suzzie.
“It’s good you are both here,” she said. “There’s something I need to tell all three of you. Mr Antubam, I will not waste time on your so-called interest in me, because you and I are two very different people with absolutely nothing in common. The main point I want to make now is that your so-called church is nothing but a fraud with which you are deceiving people who may be ignorant today, but are still precious in God’s sight.
Apart from deceiving them and enriching yourself, you are using God’s name to commit fraud. Today you may be enjoying money, food, alcohol and women, but you will certainly pay a high price for it, unless of course you are willing to repent now. My concern is for my two sisters.
I am demanding that they cut all links with you, now. No visits to your home or church, and no telephone calls. I have told them to give you back every penny you have given them. I am prepared to find money to pay whatever they owe you. That is all I have to say.”
Antubam rose, furious, and pointed his finger at her.
“Let me warn you, Betty. Yes, I am interested in you, and I am ready to take care of all your needs, even to rent a house and buy a car for you. But I will not allow you to insult me. You better withdraw those words you have used against me now, or I will deal with you very soon.”
“Don’t make me laugh, Antubam. You? Deal with me? Why don’t you deal with me now? You have to wait till you go to the shrine and beg the fetish priest to deal with me? See how miserable you are? I dare you! Leave my house now, and go to that miserable fetish priest and get him to rain down all his powers on me!”
“You will see!” Antubam declared as he moved towards his car. He hesitated for a moment to see if Mary and Suzzie would walk him to the car, but noticing that they were firmly glued to their seats he got in the car and drove home.
He got out of the car and went straight to the drinks cupboard, poured himself a full glass of whisky and gulped down half of it. He sat down and called his batman, Kofi Takyi.
“Which two women did you call today?”
“Aggie, one of the new members is in. She is having supper in the guest room. Priscilla will be coming around 9pm.”
“Good work, Kofi. Now, get me my food.” After wolfing down the fufu and light soup, he gulped down the other half of the whisky and stretched out on the sofa and began a smooth, rhythmic snore. Priscilla entered, walked over and, shaking her head, strolled to the bedroom.
Betty came from the shower to find the two friends still glued to their seats.
“Well? Aren’t you two going to say anything?”
“I have something to say,” Mary said. “I don’t understand you, Betty. You want us to cut all links with Antubam, and to refund all the money he has given us. Now, when we do that, do we come back here tomorrow, sit and stare at the sky and hope and pray that our holy sister (Betty) will bring us manna to eat?”
“Such a stupid statement must not come from you, Mary. What happened to your WASSCE qualifications and your intelligence? Here’s some free advice. Get on the internet. Submit applications for university admission. I am prepared to pay for the two of you. And from tomorrow, start studying the Bible seriously, with the intention of doing what it says. I assure you, there are solutions in the Bible for every problem you face today, and will face tomorrow. All you need, Mary, is to use your God-given intelligence. How could you stoop so low as to take money from a common thief and drunkard like Antubam?”
Suzzie rose quietly and held Betty’s hand. “Do you know, Betty? Until a few minutes ago I did not know that you cared so much about me that you consider me your sister. I promise you. We will do as you say. Mary, we will go and collect the rent money, add it to all the money we have taken, and pay it into the account. From tomorrow, Betty, Mary and I will follow you wherever you go’. With tears streaming down her cheeks she walked away.”
Antubam got up with a start. He checked the time on his phone. It was midnight. He sat up, and was moving towards the bedroom when he heard the voices.
“Is anything the matter?” he said. “You have never come here at this time. I thought you only come at dawn.”
“We are always here. We only contact you when we have to. We have to warn you. That girl is trouble. If you don’t leave her alone there will be problems.”
“I don’t understand. I can’t leave her alone. I must sleep with her as many times as possible, conquer her. Why can’t you get her for me?”
“She is firmly buried in the book. You are sleeping with two women every night, and there are many more available in the church. Leave that girl alone?”
“Do you fear her? What book is that? I don’t know why…..” before he could finish the sentence several flashes of pain like a horsewhip on fire cut across his back, and he yelled, bringing Priscilla and Aggie from their rooms.
“What is it, Antubam?” Priscilla asked.
“Er…er. I saw a revelation about a church member who is in some trouble. I need to pray for her. Please go back to the rooms. I will join you soon.” Aggie went to the room, but Priscilla lingered.
“Antubam, why don’t you tell me what the problem is so that I can help you? It appears you have just received some spiritual lashes. Are you being punished for something you have done?”
“Perhaps your husband is punishing me for sleeping with you.”
“Do you dare insult me, Antubam. You will certainly regret speaking to me like this?”
“You have a loud mouth, but your only abilities in life, Priscilla, are sex and extorting money. I will come and sleep with you shortly, and give you money in the morning. Now leave!” She slipped out quietly, and the voices resumed.
“Next time you talk like that you will receive a much bigger punishment. We are only trying to protect you. You are planning to go to the shrine tomorrow morning to invoke curses on the girl. Be careful. Our master may grant your wish if you press him, but you may regret it.”
“I am sorry if I sound ungrateful, but I just can’t resist that girl. She is so beautiful and sexy. Moreover she has insulted me, and I must punish her.”
“Remember we warned you. You are already in danger. One of your competitors is asking questions about you, and thinking about the possibility of dealing with you. Jehoshaphat Agyiri. Everyone calls him Gidigidi.”
“I have heard of him. But what have I done?”
“He belongs to us. We work for him. He wants to check if you will threaten him. He can’t do you any harm as long as you use the stick. But your main problem will come from the girl.”
“Thank you for your help. As for the girl, please talk to Nana Broni for me. I am ready to pay anything for the pleasure of catching that girl in my bed and disciplining her.”
“Antubam,” Priscilla started, “are you going to apologise for the way you spoke to me? And are you going to apologise for bringing another woman here even though I am here with you?”
“Are you going to collect money from me tomorrow morning, Priscilla?”
“Get into bed, you idiot. I wonder why those women in the church cannot see you for the cheap fraudster you really are.”
Antubam took off at dawn, and arrived at the shrine before five.
“You are welcome, Antubam. We know, yet we still ask, as the saying goes. What brings you here?”
“You already know, Okomfo. I must have the girl at all costs. I am prepared to pay anything.”
“I have already consulted Nana Ama Kokoben. I have prepared a fire for her. She will be here any minute, with her mirrors. What you are asking is beyond me, but she is willing to help you. Ah, here she is.”
The small woman sat on a stool next to Okomfo, and stared into Antubam’s eyes for several minutes.
“I will try to help you, but the effort will come from you.” They moved over to the fire, and she placed the two mirrors over the fire.”
“Look! You will see the girl. Take this needle. When she appears in the mirror, pierce her eyes with the needle. By the time you get back to Tafo she will be at your house. From today, she will follow you just as a dog follows its master.”
By Ekow de Heer
Features
Toothache: Understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options
A toothache is a painful sensation in or around a tooth, which can be caused by a variety of factors.
It is a common dental emergency that can affect anyone, regardless of age or oral health.
Toothaches can range from mild to severe and can be accompanied by other symptoms such as swelling, sensitivity, and difficulty chewing.
Causes of toothache
There are several causes of toothache, including:
1. Tooth decay: Tooth decay is the most common cause of toothache. It occurs when bacteria in the mouth break down the enamel of the tooth, creating a cavity.
2. Gum disease: Gum disease, also known as periodontal disease, can cause toothache. It occurs when bacteria in the mouth infect the gums, causing inflammation and pain.
3. Cracked tooth: A cracked tooth can cause toothache. This can occur due to biting or chewing on something hard, or due to a blow to the mouth.
4. Dental abscess: A dental abscess is a pocket of pus that forms in the gum tissue. It can cause severe toothache and swelling.
5. Grinding or clenching: Grinding or clenching the teeth can cause toothache. This can occur due to stress, anxiety, or a misaligned bite.
6. Loose or broken filling: A loose or broken filling can cause toothache. This can occur due to wear and tear, or due to a blow to the mouth.
Symptoms of toothache
The symptoms of toothache can vary depending on the cause and severity of the condition. Common symptoms include:
1. Pain: A sharp, stabbing, or dull ache in the tooth or surrounding gum tissue.
2. Sensitivity: Sensitivity to hot or cold temperatures, sweet or sour tastes, or pressure.
3. Swelling: Swelling of the gum tissue or face.
4. Difficulty chewing: Difficulty chewing or biting due to pain or discomfort.
5. Bad breath: Bad breath or a bad taste in the mouth.
Diagnosis of Toothache
Diagnosing toothache typically involves a combination of:
1. Visual examination: A visual examination of the tooth and surrounding gum tissue.
2. X-rays: X-rays may be taken to check for signs of tooth decay, abscesses, or other problems.
3. Percussion test: A percussion test, which involves tapping on the tooth to check for sensitivity.
Treatment options for toothache
The treatment options for toothache depend on the cause and severity of the condition. Common treatment options include:
1. Fillings: Fillings may be used to repair a tooth that has been damaged by decay or trauma.
2. Extractions: In some cases, a tooth may need to be extracted due to severe decay or damage.
3. Root canals: Root canals may be performed to remove infected pulp from the tooth.
4. Crown or bridge: A crown or bridge may be used to repair a damaged tooth or replace a missing tooth.
5. Pain relief: Pain relief medication, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, may be prescribed to manage pain and discomfort.
Home remedies for toothache
There are several home remedies that can help to alleviate toothache, including:
1. Cold compress: Applying a cold compress to the affected area can help to reduce pain and swelling.
2. Salt water rinse: Rinsing the mouth with warm salt water can help to reduce pain and inflammation.
3. Cloves: Applying a clove to the affected tooth can help to numb the area and reduce pain.
4. Over-the-counter pain relief: Taking over-the-counter pain relief medication, such as ibuprofen or acetaminophen, can help to manage pain and discomfort.
Prevention of toothache
Preventing toothache involves maintaining good oral hygiene habits, including:
1. Brushing and flossing: Brushing and flossing regularly to remove plaque and bacteria from the teeth.
2. Regular dental check-ups: Regular dental check-ups can help to identify and treat oral health problems early on.
3. Avoiding sugary and acidic foods: Avoiding sugary and acidic foods and drinks can help to reduce the risk of tooth decay and erosion.
4. Wearing a mouth guard: Wearing a mouthguard can help to protect the teeth from injury during sports or other activities.
Conclusion
Toothache is a common dental emergency that can be caused by a variety of factors.
Understanding the causes, symptoms, and treatment options for toothache can help individuals to seek prompt treatment and alleviate pain and discomfort.
By maintaining good oral hygiene habits and avoiding sugary and acidic foods and drinks, individuals can reduce their risk of developing toothache.
By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson
