To marry or not to marry: the crush conundrum

To some extent, you should marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to. Many times, it can be challenging to be married to someone you have no feelings for.

Despite this, it is also dangerous and regrettable to marry someone solely based on your reason that you are physically and emotionally attracted to them. This is because marriage is a whole institution on its own, and goes far beyond mere physical and sexual attraction.

If you marry someone only on the basis of sexual chemistry or physical attraction; you are most likely going to live to regret that decision later on. This leads me to what the Scrip­tures say in Proverbs 31:30,

“Charm is DECEPTIVE, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” –NIV

“Charm is deceptive, and BEAU­TY DOES NOT LAST; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.” – NLT

What does this Scripture mean?

Here in Proverbs 31:30, we understand that: I. Charm is decep­tive, and II. Beauty fades with age.

Charm – sweet words, physical looks or stature is deceptive. This is supported by Proverbs 26:23-25, which states:

“Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbour deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abom­inations fill their hearts” (Proverbs 26:23-25).

There are those who are natu­rally charming and yet, they have many other godly character traits that make them admirable. They are innocent of deceit and have goodness in their hearts.

But this verse is speaking of a common type of charm that hides one’s unpleasant identity and char­acter.

Beauty fades with age implies if you are more concerned with the outer appearance of your soon-to-be spouse at the expense of oth­er important qualities; then you will be unhappy and shaky in your marriage when the wrinkles come and the number on the weighing scale goes up after getting married. Remember, because of the fall of man, humans get old and die of the decay.

“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall” (Isaiah 40:6).

It is not intrinsically wrong to want to look pleasing or to marry a good looking person as your husband or wife. Wanting to look pleasing to your husband is also not evil (1 Cor. 7:34).

However, there is a high cost when beauty becomes an idol. Whereas the world’s way is for women to dress to entice; God’s way is the cultivation of inner beau­ty. No wonder, 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

This Scripture about beauty does not mean it is wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jew­elry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, make­up, and finding the perfect outfit.

God would rather prefer women work on becoming beautiful on the inside – the kind of beauty that lasts forever.

Did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of ageing as early as age 25? That is part of why God wants us to fear or revere Him. Therefore, my advice to you is:

Never marry someone simply be­cause of the person’s physical looks and stature.

Instead, you must have certain enduring qualities you would like to see in the man or woman you intend to marry. What specific character traits should your husband or wife-to-be possess?

Source: Excerpts from ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psy­chologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

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