Relationship
Why do you want to get married? – Part 2
A ring is a token of your faith and love to each other
In our journey to understanding the motives behind the union of marriage, we addressed the conscious and unconscious reasons people often say ‘I do’.
In Part 1, we explored the pressures of aging (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry) and societal expectations (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry).
In Part 2, we delve into the influence of peer pressure and the desire to wear a wedding ring. Whether you have been following the series or are just joining us, let us continue exploring the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):
3. My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married
I can understand how you feel, especially if you are a woman. As a single woman (or man), you may have difficulties attending social events alone without a spouse or would-be spouse (especially weddings, marriage anniversaries, and baby naming ceremonies).
Most of these feelings connected to those social events range from loneliness to embarrassment, and to anger. You feel uncomfortable that you have to go to yet another couples-centered event all alone.
I know that these feelings can make you have all kinds of unhealthy thoughts about your self-esteem, self-value and even future prospects.
Nevertheless, going ahead to marry anyone at all simply because of “my friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet married” thoughts and feelings, can be quite dangerous.
I know you will want to know what you should do if you feel that way. Well, I can give you a few coping strategies. These strategies include:
a. You do not have to attend all your friends’ weddings.
It is not compulsory or mandatory for you to attend every wedding that is organised. As a coping strategy, you can be very selective of the weddings you choose to attend.
In such cases, you can show your love and support to such friends ahead of the event day by genuinely wishing them well, giving them some form of financial or material support, and communicating how much you care about them getting married.
When these are done ahead of time and are well communicated, your friends will understand and greatly appreciate your efforts.
b. If you decide to attend the event, then be quick to challenge any automatic negative thoughts about yourself.
It is a fact that many of us are highly critical of ourselves. If you have any automatic negative thoughts, such as—“I am always going to be alone”, “I will never find someone who loves me”, “I am nobody”, “life is not treating me well”, and “I am such a loser”—then pause.
Stop yourself and stop those negative thoughts by: I. always being quick to identify the negative thoughts, II. challenging them, and III. replacing those negative thoughts with alternative healthy thoughts. Re-frame your thoughts to be more positive and helpful to your own happiness.
4. I need to wear a wedding ring too
There is nothing wrong with wearing a wedding ring and probably enjoying a little glamour that comes with marriage ceremonies.
Except if you fantasise that being married with wedding ring on finger automatically implies happiness and fulfillment in life; then you may be greatly mistaken and in for a shock.
Sometimes the thought of “I need to wear a wedding ring too” is a little more subtle for a lot of unmarried people.
For some people, they see marriage as a status symbol, so they get married thinking they will parade around town with their spouse and people will bow in their presence like they just conquered an entire empire, city or something.
Unfortunately, these are only fantasies; they are not the reality. Do not forget that for some people, wearing a wedding ring has come to represent a shackle of bondage because of the many domestic abuses they suffered as a result of getting married.
Meanwhile, a ring is a very precious thing—a token of your faith and your love to each other. It is a never ending circle that indicates the continuing love of God—a love that never fails and never presents itself selfish or puffed up.
Therefore, my hope and prayer for you is that as you give yourself wholly to the wisdom and practicality of these articles, as well as the Bible and pre-marital counselling— the wearing of your wedding ring will come to represent something more lasting!
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Relationship
Marriage is a social union
Marriage is a social relationship between two people that is sanctioned by the law, religion, or social conventions. It is an official commitment made by two people to share their lives, obligations, and resources while residing as a couple.
Every culture on the globe values and strongly approves of marriage as a social bond or union. Marriage has been a social institution in numerous forms spanning human history. It is considered as a way to build social ties between families or clans in some cultures, while it is recognised as a private relationship between two people in others.
The institution of marriage is heavily regulated by religious institutions since it is often connected to religious customs in many civilisations.
Mostly, a marriage takes place amidst happiness and celebrations for the couple, their family, and loved ones.
Being a social institution, marriage encourages the union of two utterly different people from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds to create a family. Marriage is a partnership where trust is developed over time as dedicated spouses put their personal interests aside for the benefit of their spouse and learn how to maintain a healthy relationship.
Marriage is a social union that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between spouses and their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws.
Marriage has several functions in society, including defining the rights and obligations of the spouses, recognising the couple’s dedication to each other on a social and legal level, and managing the couple’s sexual behaviour and procreation. In addition to providing a framework for arranging household and financial affairs, marriage also offers a means of socialising and raising children.
It is crucial in creating a solid foundation for rearing and caring for children. In terms of education, social well-being, and health, research has demonstrated that children raised in married homes typically achieve greater results than children raised in single-parent or cohabiting relationships.
Marriage has obstacles, despite how significant it is. The institution of marriage has come under fire and been the subject of debate, particularly in relation to topics like gender roles, sexuality, and the right of same-sex couples to get married.
In many nations, divorce rates have also increased, underscoring the challenges that many couples encounter in sustaining a committed, long-term partnership. As society conventions and ideals have changed over time, marriage has undergone considerable adjustments.
Today, marriage is often seen as a partnership between equals in which both parties contribute to the union and shoulder equal responsibility. A growing acceptance of many types of love and commitment is reflected in the legal recognition of same-sex marriage in some nations.
Despite the growing trend in same-sex marriages, almost all African and Asian countries vehemently abhor the idea of same-sex marriage because of religious / spiritual, cultural and social reasons.
Nevertheless, the Christian perspective maintains that getting married is not only a social or legal commitment; it is a spiritual union that is based on the grace and love of God. Christians contend that a husband and wife can deepen their love for God and for each other by means of marriage.
The need for sexual purity and loyalty inside the marriage bond is also emphasized in the Christian perspective on marriage. Christians believe that faithfulness is essential to upholding a good and solid relationship, and that intimate sexual activity is a gift from the LORD that deserves to be embraced within the framework of marriage.
In general, the Christian perspective on marriage as a social union is grounded in the conviction that it is a holy covenant between a man and a woman, established by God, and that it is intended to reflect God’s love and grace in the world.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
COUNSELOR PRINCE& ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 3
As divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.
A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.
Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with another four tips.
9. Do not expect your new family to be like your first family
If you expect that your stepfamily will be just like the family of your first marriage, you are setting yourself up for frustration. Your new family will have its own unique identity and will evolve in its own special way.
10. Allow time for grieving
Stepfamilies begin with an experience of loss, and everyone needs to grieve. The adults’ losses are not the same as those of the children, and both must be respected. Adults grieve the following losses: the loss of a partner, loss of a marriage relationship, lost dreams of the way they thought it would be and they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death
Children grieve, too. Their losses are usually different from those of their parent, they must adjust to changes that result from the divorce or death and they may have lost the fantasy of how they wanted their family to be.
11. Acknowledge the absent parent
When one of the original parents is absent, the children need a special kind of understanding. An absent parent (who has died or who lives elsewhere and doesn’t visit) is part of a child’s past. The child must be allowed to have memories of this parent. The children who have access to both of their parents are those who adjust the best to divorce. They should be allowed to regularly speak with, visit, and write to their noncustodial parent.
12. Give the kids their own space
Make physical space available for the children who don’t live with you. Children need a sense of belonging. Creating a room or section of a room for visiting children will help them feel like part of your family.
