Relationship

Why do you want to get married? – Part 3

We continue our exploration into the motivations behind the decision to say ‘I do’. In Parts 1 and 2 we have already discussed the influence of age (I’m growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet married), and the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too).

In Part 3, we delve into the dynamics of marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are joining us for the first time or have been follow ing along, let us continue exam ining the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):

5. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)

“We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her)” is one of the common reasons peo ple get married to their partners.

This will be a step in the right direction if only you have taken the time to establish whether or not your decision of getting married to that person is the best option for you and your future.

This is important because we have seen so many unhealthy and abusive relationships which have lasted for several years without the couples going their separate ways.

Imagine going ahead to marry the abuser simply because of the years of being together.

6. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop

Know that marriage by itself will not make these problems you are experiencing in your relationship disappear.

In fact, these problems almost always get worse after marriage. If there are crucial issues which need to be addressed and resolved, do not sweep them under the carpet in the hopes that they will disappear after you get married.

That scarcely happens if it does at all. Getting married is not the antidote to problems in your relationship.

You need to talk about all im portant issues openly before mar riage. Neither the marriage ceremony nor the marriage itself will eliminate the issues or the effects of your disagreements.

If these issues seem too difficult or threatening to handle alone, then consider booking an appointment with a professional relationship and marriage counsellor, or pastor in certain cases.

Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) is also available to assist couples who are facing such issues in their relationships.

7. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well

Although it is not evil or wrong to have a nice wedding reception and party; yet, you must under stand that marriage is far weightier than just a party or reception.

Parties are okay and even some times fun, but marriage is definite ly not just about a day’s event. Marriage is a completely different matter.

It has to do with the rest of your life; every day, all the time, even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage is a serious business. And hopefully it is sometimes fun too, but, truly, weddings have less to do with the marriage itself.

Relationship

Why aunt and uncle relationships are unique?

For the most part, people cannot choose whether or not to have a relationship with their parents. They grow up in the same house, they see each other, talk together daily, and they have an ongoing, hopefully, positive relationship.

Aunts and uncles have more freedom than parents in choosing to develop a relationship with a niece or nephew, and both must be interested in forming that bond.

Aunts and uncles desiring to be close to their nieces and nephews can choose ways to interact with them that will strengthen their relationship

1. Role model

One of the most important roles for aunts and uncles is to be a role model. A role model is someone that influences behaviour just by observing how they act. Aunts and uncles can influence their nieces and nephews just by what they do, without saying a word. Aunts can also show their nieces an example of what they may want to be.

2. Friend

Aunts and uncles can also be more of a friend with their nieces and nephews. An important quality that many nieces and nephews name in their parents’ siblings is their ability to have fun. This friendship allows the aunts and nieces (or uncles and nephews) to be involved in common activities they enjoy, such as sports or shopping.

3. Supplemental parents

One role that aunts and uncles often have that is very important is to act as supplemental parents. Aunts and uncles can be complementary to their siblings by providing additional support, to fill the needs that the parents are unable to take care of themselves. This can include providing another supportive adult that kids can go to, to do their hair before a school dance, or by helping to drive them to all the places they need to go. Uncles and aunts can also reinforce the ideas that the parents are trying to teach, such as the importance of education or being kind to your siblings.

4. Buffers between parents and children

Aunts and uncles can also act as intergenerational buffers. This means that they can help mediate the relationship between parent and child.

Instead of siding with one or the other, uncles and aunts can help each family member to try and see the other’s side of the argument.

Relationship

Love in the dark: Understanding depression’s effect on marriage and relationships

Depression is a common mental health disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), over 264 million people suffer from depression, making it a leading cause of disability globally. But what happens when depression enters the picture in our relationships, particularly in marriage?

Understanding Depression

Depression is more than just feeling sad or down. It is a serious medical condition that affects how we feel, think, and behave. In relationships, depression can manifest in different ways, such as:

• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed together

• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness

• Increased irritability or mood swings

• Withdrawal from social interactions or activities

Causes of Depression in Relationships

Some common causes of depression in relationships include:

• The loss of a loved one

• A serious illness or accident

• Divorce, separation, or break-up

• Chronic physical pain

• Feeling trapped or stuck in a situation

• Low self-esteem or bullying

• Trauma or abuse

• Lack of communication or intimacy in the relationship

• Financial stress or difficulties

Symptoms of Depression in Relationships

If you are experiencing depression in your relationship, you may notice:

• Increased conflict or arguments

• Lack of intimacy or emotional connection

• Feeling disconnected from your partner

• Difficulty communicating effectively

• Loss of interest in shared activities

• Feeling overwhelmed or hopeless about the future of the relationship

• Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach problems

The Impact of Depression on Marriage

Depression can have a significant impact on relationship and marriage, affecting not just the individual but also the relationship as a whole. Some common effects of depression on marriage include:

• Strained communication and conflict

• Lack of intimacy and emotional connection

• Feelings of resentment or frustration

• Difficulty solving problems or making decisions together

• Feeling isolated or disconnected from each other

Seeking Help

The good news is that depression is treatable. If you are struggling with depression in your relationship, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools and support you need to manage your symptoms and strengthen your relationship.

Some effective treatments for depression include:

• Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)

• Interpersonal therapy (IPT)

• Psychodynamic therapy

• Medication

• Lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress management

Supporting a Partner with Depression

If your partner is struggling with depression, there are ways you can support them:

• Listen to them without judgment

• Encourage them to seek professional help

• Offer emotional support and validation

• Help with daily tasks or responsibilities

• Encourage self-care and stress management

Depression can have a significant impact on our relationships, but with the right support and treatment, it is possible to manage symptoms and build a stronger, healthier connection with our partners. By understanding depression and seeking help when needed, we can work towards building more resilient and fulfilling relationships.

If you or your partner are struggling with depression, do not hesitate to reach out to us at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC). Our team of experienced psychotherapists and psychologists are dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate mental health challenges. Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can support you.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).

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