Relationship

Why do you want to get married? – Part 4

A couple with their children

To understand the motives behind marriage, we have already examined reasons like the influence of age (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married), the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too), marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are a loyal reader or just starting, let us continue with the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words)

8. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.

Maybe several people in your life keep making you feel that un less you marry, you will not amount to much in life, or they will not regard you in high esteem. Probably, you have had a lot of naysayers attributing your being unmarried to character and behaviour flaws.

Many people keep telling you about how “the clock is ticking” and “you are not getting any younger”. Or maybe your parents and some family members got di vorced and you are determined to show the world that you are better than them. Or all your friends are married and you want to show them you are not just the spare tyre all the time. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is an aw ful reason to do it.

9. We have children together

First and foremost, as a Chris tian, you were supposed to get married before bearing children since sex outside of marriage is biblically considered as sin or sexual immorality. Nevertheless, once the mistake has already been made, it is of no use to beat your self down as if there is no hope of rectifying the wrongs.

In as much as I am all for saving the structure of the family unit; yet, staying together with someone you have not married simply for the children’s sake alone is not a good reason to stay or enter into an unhealthy marriage relationship. If you’re already experiencing con stant physical or emotional abuse in that relationship, going ahead to get married to that same partner can rather cause more harm than good to you and the children.

10. I think being married will make me happy

It is not automatic that when you marry, you will be happy. I am sure we have all seen so many peo ple who became worse after get ting married. That means to experience happiness and fulfillment in marriage, there is a lot you need to do to prepare and position yourself for that happiness.

Also, do not forget that mar riage is not all about you! Among other things, marriage involves the coming together of two mature people (a man and a woman) who have decided to live the rest of their lives together to fulfill their God-given assignment and destiny.

Even though you may be looking out for your happiness; you should not forget that whoever you get married to will also have to be ful filled and happy with you. And yet, you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy.

Therefore, my professional advice to you is: “Don’t wait to get married before you become happy and fulfilled. Happiness is possible while you are still unmarried.”

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

Relationship

Tips to creating a healthy habit

Make a plan

When you commit to taking up a new habit, it is essential to have a clear plan of action before you begin. Start with a long-term goal and keep it S.M.A.R.T: S- Specific M- Measurable A- Achievable R-Relevant and T- Timely

Habit Stacking

Habit Stacking is exactly what it sounds like: putting two or more habits together. We recommend choosing times of the day when routines are strongest. For most people, this is usually the morning or before bed. We know day-to-day life can get a little crazy, but there are certain times when patterns are created, making them the perfect place for a positive change.

The best way to form a new habit is to tie it in with an existing one.

Baby steps

Many experts agree that significant changes require high motivation levels, which can be hard to sustain. Instead, you should start with a slight change that will eventually lead to something bigger.

You can transition to something bigger once you have successfully implemented daily habits for a designated amount of time.

Consistency

Consistency is key. To make something a habit, you need to do it every day. We have all heard the magic ‘21 day’ fix, but the fact of the matter is, it’s not one size fits all.

Celebrate success

Perhaps the most important part of habit-making is rewarding yourself. We know habits take time, but in order to not give up, you need to celebrate every win.

Find the thing you love and allow yourself to experience it once you’ve hit a milestone on your habit-forming journey. Sometimes, the results of habits are not immediately apparent. Do not give up!

Relationship

How to deal with anxiety and uncertainty in relationships

Whether you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or are simply going through a stressful period, everyone needs a little motivation every now and then, particularly in relationships.

These are three coping skills and strategies that can help you defeat anxiety in your relationship.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple technique that is excellent for managing emotions. Not only is deep breathing effective, it is also discreet and easy to use at any time or place.

Sit comfortably and place one hand on your abdomen. Breathe in through your nose, deeply enough that the hand on your abdomen rises. Hold the air in your lungs, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, with your lips puckered as if you are blowing through a straw. The secret is to go slow: Time the inhalation (4’s), pause (4’s), and exhalation (6’s). Practice for 3 to 5 minutes.

Examine Your Thoughts

For instance, the thoughts that “something bad will happen” or “I will make a mistake” might lack evidence, but still have an impact on how you feel.

By examining the evidence and challenging these thoughts, you can reduce anxiety.

Put thoughts on trial. Choose a thought that has contributed to your relationship anxiety. Gather evidence in support of your thought (verifiable facts only), and against your thought. Compare the evidence and determine whether your thought is accurate or not.

Ask yourself:

“Is my thought based on facts or feelings?”

“How would my partner or best friend see this situation?”

“How likely is it that my fear will come true?”

“What’s most likely to happen?”

“If my fear comes true, will it still matter in a week? A month? A year?”

Imagery (Positive Imagination)

Your thoughts have the power to change how you feel. If you think of something sad, it is likely you will start to feel sad. The opposite is also true: When you think of something positive and calming, you feel relaxed. The imagery technique harnesses this power to reduce anxiety.

Think of a place that you find comforting. It could be a secluded beach, your bedroom, a quiet mountaintop, your prayer closet, or even a loud gospel concert. For 5 to 10 minutes, use all your senses to imagine this setting in great detail. Do not think fleetingly about this place; really imagine it.

(PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)

“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

#QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.

—Charles Spurgeon

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)