Relationship
Why do you want to get married? – Part 4
A couple with their children
To understand the motives behind marriage, we have already examined reasons like the influence of age (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married), the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too), marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.
Whether you are a loyal reader or just starting, let us continue with the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words)
8. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.
Maybe several people in your life keep making you feel that un less you marry, you will not amount to much in life, or they will not regard you in high esteem. Probably, you have had a lot of naysayers attributing your being unmarried to character and behaviour flaws.
Many people keep telling you about how “the clock is ticking” and “you are not getting any younger”. Or maybe your parents and some family members got di vorced and you are determined to show the world that you are better than them. Or all your friends are married and you want to show them you are not just the spare tyre all the time. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is an aw ful reason to do it.
9. We have children together
First and foremost, as a Chris tian, you were supposed to get married before bearing children since sex outside of marriage is biblically considered as sin or sexual immorality. Nevertheless, once the mistake has already been made, it is of no use to beat your self down as if there is no hope of rectifying the wrongs.
In as much as I am all for saving the structure of the family unit; yet, staying together with someone you have not married simply for the children’s sake alone is not a good reason to stay or enter into an unhealthy marriage relationship. If you’re already experiencing con stant physical or emotional abuse in that relationship, going ahead to get married to that same partner can rather cause more harm than good to you and the children.
10. I think being married will make me happy
It is not automatic that when you marry, you will be happy. I am sure we have all seen so many peo ple who became worse after get ting married. That means to experience happiness and fulfillment in marriage, there is a lot you need to do to prepare and position yourself for that happiness.
Also, do not forget that mar riage is not all about you! Among other things, marriage involves the coming together of two mature people (a man and a woman) who have decided to live the rest of their lives together to fulfill their God-given assignment and destiny.
Even though you may be looking out for your happiness; you should not forget that whoever you get married to will also have to be ful filled and happy with you. And yet, you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy.
Therefore, my professional advice to you is: “Don’t wait to get married before you become happy and fulfilled. Happiness is possible while you are still unmarried.”
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
Relationship
When the tides change
GONG! Gong! Gong! Gong! Fellow Umofians! I bring you good tidings from our forebearers! It is another day in our great land!
Umofians, there is good news from the village square! Hear ye, good people! Good deeds are like perfume, wafting sweet fragrances to our noses. You see, I recall market tales of a boy wonder, providing good roads, water, clothes, and food, making life comfortable for his community. Today, he stands before us ready to serve his people at the national level.
A big Akwaaba to this boy wonder! And as we the Ewes say, Woezor! We Umofians have long since heard of your good deeds and sung your praises! And now, as the winds of change sweep through the community, they carry the whispers of gratitude, louder than the rustling of harmattan leaves! Ayekoo! Indeed, no sun sets without its histories and you have written yours in golden letters. Y3 ma wo amo! Well done!
Speaking of change, Umofians, have you noticed how opinions can shift faster than Accra traffic during rush hour?
Ehe, I remember vividly that we were in this country when this boy wonder, now our illustrious lawmaker, was the self-appointed ‘Siren Police,’ vehemently opposing MPs for the use of sirens on our busy roads. But now the tides have changed, fellow Umofians, our rhythms are beating differently and we are singing a new tune. Indeed, life has a funny way of tooting its own horn… literally!
Buckle up, Umofians! Here is what you missed.
Breaking news from the village square: our newest Honourable member has had a change of heart! It seems he has traded in his ‘Siren Police’ badge for a dispatch rider’s helmet. Why, you ask? He had a scheduling conflict – attending the 92nd National Convention (Jalsa) of the Ahmadiyya Muslim at Gomoa Pomadze and parliamentary duties on the same day. Talk about multitasking!
Fellow Umofians, it seems the tides have indeed changed and so has our Honourable member’s tune! They say the wearer of the shoe knows where it hurts the most and now our Honourable member is feeling the pinch!
You see, it is ridiculously easy to play judge when you are sitting on the sidelines, sipping on a cold bottle of ‘Club Beer’, and watching the game unfold. But what happens when you are suddenly thrust into the hot seat?
Perhaps our dearest newest boy wonder has found out. After all, nothing screams “I have seen the light!” quite like being stuck in the mother of all traffic jams, late for a meeting. Suddenly, the wail of sirens seems like a symphony of efficiency. Honourable, your dramatic U-turn is a classic tale of “if you cannot beat them, join them.”
Until next time, stay vigilant and keep smiling!
To be continued……
With Eyram, the Tale Bearer
Relationship
Good reasons for getting married – Part 2
3. Marry because you are mature and ready for it in all ways: spiritual, physical, emotional, financial, and psychological.
You must understand the need to be ready and mature for marriage. Marriage is a crucial decision that requires careful consideration and preparation. Spiritual maturity means a strong faith and shared beliefs with your partner (Colossians 3:14).
Being physically mature has to do with coming of age, taking care of your body, and being able to support your partner. Emotional maturity implies you can manage your emotions and communicate well (Proverbs 15:1).
Financial maturity means being able to provide for your partner and home. It also means being financially stable (Proverbs 21:5). Whereas psychological maturity is about knowing yourself and handling life’s challenges (Romans 12:2).
All these factors help you be ready for marriage. They also help you build a strong, lasting relationship with your spouse.
The verses above show that a strong relationship with God, self-care, communication, financial responsibility, and personal growth are key to being ready for marriage.
4. Marry to spiritually and physically help each other.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman who choose to share their lives together. Spirituality and physical wellbeing are both essential components of a healthy relationship. Couples can enjoy supporting each other spiritually and physically. Here are some ways to achieve this.
Spiritual help:
a. Share your spiritual beliefs and practices with each other.
b. Attend church services or religious events together.
c. Pray together.
d. Discuss spiritual teachings and how they apply to your relationship.
e. Encourage each other to live a life of kindness, compassion, and service.
Physical help:
a. Exercise together.
b. Cook healthy meals and eat together.
c. Take care of each other’s physical needs.
d. Support each other during illnesses.
e. Sleep well and create a healthy sleep routine.
By supporting each other, couples can grow and strengthen their bond in all aspects of life.
5. Marry based on your God-given destiny and assignment in life.
Many believe that everyone has a unique, God-given destiny. It can guide decisions, including whom to marry. Some believe that God has a specific person for each individual. Others believe that God directs and helps them choose wisely.
Ask your marriage counsellor this: Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Does God have a specific person for me to marry, or can I marry anyone?
Marry based on a combination of reasons. These include compatibility, love, respect, and shared faith, values, and goals. Also, commit to supporting and caring for each other. It can help to seek advice from a trusted marriage counsellor, family members, or spiritual leaders. Also, reflect on your priorities and dreams before deciding.
Marriage can bring you and your partner closer together. You will share the same values and goals for your future. It can help you solidify your relationship and bring a sense of unity.
6. Marry for a lifelong commitment and dedication.
Marriage is a public declaration of commitment and dedication to each other. It shows that you are serious about your relationship and willing to put in the effort to make it work. Many marry to show their commitment and dedication to building a life together.
Marriage can provide a legal and social framework for you and your spouse to share your lives, support each other, and celebrate your successes. It can also create a sense of stability and security for both of you and any potential children you may have.
Finally, the choice to marry is personal and it should be based on your understanding of marriage and your needs, goals, and values.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite. com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
