Relationship

Why do you want to get married? – Part 4

A couple with their children

To understand the motives behind marriage, we have already examined reasons like the influence of age (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry), societal pressures (My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry), peer influence (My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married), the desire for a wedding ring (I need to wear a wedding ring too), marrying someone you have been with for an extended period of time, the belief that marriage will resolve relationship issues, and the desire to host a big wedding party.

Whether you are a loyal reader or just starting, let us continue with the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words)

8. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.

Maybe several people in your life keep making you feel that un less you marry, you will not amount to much in life, or they will not regard you in high esteem. Probably, you have had a lot of naysayers attributing your being unmarried to character and behaviour flaws.

Many people keep telling you about how “the clock is ticking” and “you are not getting any younger”. Or maybe your parents and some family members got di vorced and you are determined to show the world that you are better than them. Or all your friends are married and you want to show them you are not just the spare tyre all the time. Whatever it is, getting married to prove something to someone—or yourself—is an aw ful reason to do it.

9. We have children together

First and foremost, as a Chris tian, you were supposed to get married before bearing children since sex outside of marriage is biblically considered as sin or sexual immorality. Nevertheless, once the mistake has already been made, it is of no use to beat your self down as if there is no hope of rectifying the wrongs.

In as much as I am all for saving the structure of the family unit; yet, staying together with someone you have not married simply for the children’s sake alone is not a good reason to stay or enter into an unhealthy marriage relationship. If you’re already experiencing con stant physical or emotional abuse in that relationship, going ahead to get married to that same partner can rather cause more harm than good to you and the children.

10. I think being married will make me happy

It is not automatic that when you marry, you will be happy. I am sure we have all seen so many peo ple who became worse after get ting married. That means to experience happiness and fulfillment in marriage, there is a lot you need to do to prepare and position yourself for that happiness.

Also, do not forget that mar riage is not all about you! Among other things, marriage involves the coming together of two mature people (a man and a woman) who have decided to live the rest of their lives together to fulfill their God-given assignment and destiny.

Even though you may be looking out for your happiness; you should not forget that whoever you get married to will also have to be ful filled and happy with you. And yet, you need to be happy by yourself before you can make someone else happy.

Therefore, my professional advice to you is: “Don’t wait to get married before you become happy and fulfilled. Happiness is possible while you are still unmarried.”

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

Relationship

Why aunt and uncle relationships are unique?

For the most part, people cannot choose whether or not to have a relationship with their parents. They grow up in the same house, they see each other, talk together daily, and they have an ongoing, hopefully, positive relationship.

Aunts and uncles have more freedom than parents in choosing to develop a relationship with a niece or nephew, and both must be interested in forming that bond.

Aunts and uncles desiring to be close to their nieces and nephews can choose ways to interact with them that will strengthen their relationship

1. Role model

One of the most important roles for aunts and uncles is to be a role model. A role model is someone that influences behaviour just by observing how they act. Aunts and uncles can influence their nieces and nephews just by what they do, without saying a word. Aunts can also show their nieces an example of what they may want to be.

2. Friend

Aunts and uncles can also be more of a friend with their nieces and nephews. An important quality that many nieces and nephews name in their parents’ siblings is their ability to have fun. This friendship allows the aunts and nieces (or uncles and nephews) to be involved in common activities they enjoy, such as sports or shopping.

3. Supplemental parents

One role that aunts and uncles often have that is very important is to act as supplemental parents. Aunts and uncles can be complementary to their siblings by providing additional support, to fill the needs that the parents are unable to take care of themselves. This can include providing another supportive adult that kids can go to, to do their hair before a school dance, or by helping to drive them to all the places they need to go. Uncles and aunts can also reinforce the ideas that the parents are trying to teach, such as the importance of education or being kind to your siblings.

4. Buffers between parents and children

Aunts and uncles can also act as intergenerational buffers. This means that they can help mediate the relationship between parent and child.

Instead of siding with one or the other, uncles and aunts can help each family member to try and see the other’s side of the argument.

Relationship

Love in the dark: Understanding depression’s effect on marriage and relationships

Depression is a common mental health disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), over 264 million people suffer from depression, making it a leading cause of disability globally. But what happens when depression enters the picture in our relationships, particularly in marriage?

Understanding Depression

Depression is more than just feeling sad or down. It is a serious medical condition that affects how we feel, think, and behave. In relationships, depression can manifest in different ways, such as:

• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed together

• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness

• Increased irritability or mood swings

• Withdrawal from social interactions or activities

Causes of Depression in Relationships

Some common causes of depression in relationships include:

• The loss of a loved one

• A serious illness or accident

• Divorce, separation, or break-up

• Chronic physical pain

• Feeling trapped or stuck in a situation

• Low self-esteem or bullying

• Trauma or abuse

• Lack of communication or intimacy in the relationship

• Financial stress or difficulties

Symptoms of Depression in Relationships

If you are experiencing depression in your relationship, you may notice:

• Increased conflict or arguments

• Lack of intimacy or emotional connection

• Feeling disconnected from your partner

• Difficulty communicating effectively

• Loss of interest in shared activities

• Feeling overwhelmed or hopeless about the future of the relationship

• Physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach problems

The Impact of Depression on Marriage

Depression can have a significant impact on relationship and marriage, affecting not just the individual but also the relationship as a whole. Some common effects of depression on marriage include:

• Strained communication and conflict

• Lack of intimacy and emotional connection

• Feelings of resentment or frustration

• Difficulty solving problems or making decisions together

• Feeling isolated or disconnected from each other

Seeking Help

The good news is that depression is treatable. If you are struggling with depression in your relationship, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with the tools and support you need to manage your symptoms and strengthen your relationship.

Some effective treatments for depression include:

• Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)

• Interpersonal therapy (IPT)

• Psychodynamic therapy

• Medication

• Lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress management

Supporting a Partner with Depression

If your partner is struggling with depression, there are ways you can support them:

• Listen to them without judgment

• Encourage them to seek professional help

• Offer emotional support and validation

• Help with daily tasks or responsibilities

• Encourage self-care and stress management

Depression can have a significant impact on our relationships, but with the right support and treatment, it is possible to manage symptoms and build a stronger, healthier connection with our partners. By understanding depression and seeking help when needed, we can work towards building more resilient and fulfilling relationships.

If you or your partner are struggling with depression, do not hesitate to reach out to us at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC). Our team of experienced psychotherapists and psychologists are dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate mental health challenges. Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can support you.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).

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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)