Relationship

Why do you want to get married?

A young girl feeling lonely

Before you say ‘I do’, my question to you is: Why do you want to get married?

Let us look at some of the conscious or unconscious reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):

1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry.

2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry.

3. My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married.

4. I need to wear a wedding ring too.

5. Nobody respects me because I am not yet married.

6. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her).

7. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop.

8. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well.

9. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.

10. I feel lonely and alone.

11. I am pregnant (or my girlfriend is pregnant).

12. We have children together.

13. I have to marry for financial and economic reasons.

14. I’m seriously attracted to his (or her) physical looks and stature.

15. I just love him (or her).

Do you align yourself with any of these reasons I have mentioned?

Although these reasons sound good and harmless; yet, these are some of the unfortunate reasons many people get married. No wonder the divorce rate keeps skyrocketing with each passing month and year.

On regular basis—in my practice—I meet couples or individuals who are struggling in their love relationships. Many times, a lot of them are either courting, married or thinking about getting married. There’re times when I wish I could just be direct or scream as loud as I could in these words, “Do not do it!” to some of them who’re about to get married. This is because when you get married for the wrong reasons, the consequences are too unbearable and frustrating.

1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry

This is one of the common reasons some singles crave for marriage. Many women, particularly those of a certain age bracket, have believed the narrative that no one will marry them because of their age.

They are afraid of staying single for life, and perhaps you are also worried about never getting married as you get older. As a woman, you might feel scared, and if a man who doesn’t possess the right marriage qualities shows interest in you, you might feel the urge to hold on to him.

This desperate feeling of losing one’s last chance at love can force you to settle for anyone who comes your way, just to avoid loneliness.

2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry

Even though it is a fact that some family members and friends put pressure on their single loved ones to get married; yet, marrying solely on the basis of pressure you are receiving from those you love can be dangerous and risky.

Unfortunately, after one crosses a certain age such as 28, society makes singlehood look rather unappealing and unpleasant, as though it’s an abomination not to marry.

To such an extent that for many singles, communal life starts to wither; you may start to feel like a freak when going to certain social events alone (e.g. wedding, marriage anniversaries, parties, etc.).

Never allow pressure from your family, friends and society to push you into marrying someone that you’ll later regret for marrying.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

www.thespectatoronline.com

Your Weekend

Relationship

Tips to creating a healthy habit

Make a plan

When you commit to taking up a new habit, it is essential to have a clear plan of action before you begin. Start with a long-term goal and keep it S.M.A.R.T: S- Specific M- Measurable A- Achievable R-Relevant and T- Timely

Habit Stacking

Habit Stacking is exactly what it sounds like: putting two or more habits together. We recommend choosing times of the day when routines are strongest. For most people, this is usually the morning or before bed. We know day-to-day life can get a little crazy, but there are certain times when patterns are created, making them the perfect place for a positive change.

The best way to form a new habit is to tie it in with an existing one.

Baby steps

Many experts agree that significant changes require high motivation levels, which can be hard to sustain. Instead, you should start with a slight change that will eventually lead to something bigger.

You can transition to something bigger once you have successfully implemented daily habits for a designated amount of time.

Consistency

Consistency is key. To make something a habit, you need to do it every day. We have all heard the magic ‘21 day’ fix, but the fact of the matter is, it’s not one size fits all.

Celebrate success

Perhaps the most important part of habit-making is rewarding yourself. We know habits take time, but in order to not give up, you need to celebrate every win.

Find the thing you love and allow yourself to experience it once you’ve hit a milestone on your habit-forming journey. Sometimes, the results of habits are not immediately apparent. Do not give up!

Relationship

How to deal with anxiety and uncertainty in relationships

Whether you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or are simply going through a stressful period, everyone needs a little motivation every now and then, particularly in relationships.

These are three coping skills and strategies that can help you defeat anxiety in your relationship.

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple technique that is excellent for managing emotions. Not only is deep breathing effective, it is also discreet and easy to use at any time or place.

Sit comfortably and place one hand on your abdomen. Breathe in through your nose, deeply enough that the hand on your abdomen rises. Hold the air in your lungs, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, with your lips puckered as if you are blowing through a straw. The secret is to go slow: Time the inhalation (4’s), pause (4’s), and exhalation (6’s). Practice for 3 to 5 minutes.

Examine Your Thoughts

For instance, the thoughts that “something bad will happen” or “I will make a mistake” might lack evidence, but still have an impact on how you feel.

By examining the evidence and challenging these thoughts, you can reduce anxiety.

Put thoughts on trial. Choose a thought that has contributed to your relationship anxiety. Gather evidence in support of your thought (verifiable facts only), and against your thought. Compare the evidence and determine whether your thought is accurate or not.

Ask yourself:

“Is my thought based on facts or feelings?”

“How would my partner or best friend see this situation?”

“How likely is it that my fear will come true?”

“What’s most likely to happen?”

“If my fear comes true, will it still matter in a week? A month? A year?”

Imagery (Positive Imagination)

Your thoughts have the power to change how you feel. If you think of something sad, it is likely you will start to feel sad. The opposite is also true: When you think of something positive and calming, you feel relaxed. The imagery technique harnesses this power to reduce anxiety.

Think of a place that you find comforting. It could be a secluded beach, your bedroom, a quiet mountaintop, your prayer closet, or even a loud gospel concert. For 5 to 10 minutes, use all your senses to imagine this setting in great detail. Do not think fleetingly about this place; really imagine it.

(PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7)

“6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

#QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.

—Charles Spurgeon

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR COURTSHIP: Building a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, Author, and Marriage Therapist).

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)