Relationship
Why do you want to get married?
A young girl feeling lonely
Before you say ‘I do’, my question to you is: Why do you want to get married?
Let us look at some of the conscious or unconscious reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):
1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry.
2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry.
3. My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married.
4. I need to wear a wedding ring too.
5. Nobody respects me because I am not yet married.
6. We have been together for too long; I have to marry him (or her).
7. If I marry my partner, the problems in our relationship will stop.
8. I want to host a big wedding reception and party as well.
9. I have to marry to prove some people wrong.
10. I feel lonely and alone.
11. I am pregnant (or my girlfriend is pregnant).
12. We have children together.
13. I have to marry for financial and economic reasons.
14. I’m seriously attracted to his (or her) physical looks and stature.
15. I just love him (or her).
Do you align yourself with any of these reasons I have mentioned?
Although these reasons sound good and harmless; yet, these are some of the unfortunate reasons many people get married. No wonder the divorce rate keeps skyrocketing with each passing month and year.
On regular basis—in my practice—I meet couples or individuals who are struggling in their love relationships. Many times, a lot of them are either courting, married or thinking about getting married. There’re times when I wish I could just be direct or scream as loud as I could in these words, “Do not do it!” to some of them who’re about to get married. This is because when you get married for the wrong reasons, the consequences are too unbearable and frustrating.
1. I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry
This is one of the common reasons some singles crave for marriage. Many women, particularly those of a certain age bracket, have believed the narrative that no one will marry them because of their age.
They are afraid of staying single for life, and perhaps you are also worried about never getting married as you get older. As a woman, you might feel scared, and if a man who doesn’t possess the right marriage qualities shows interest in you, you might feel the urge to hold on to him.
This desperate feeling of losing one’s last chance at love can force you to settle for anyone who comes your way, just to avoid loneliness.
2. My family, friends and society are putting pressure on me to marry
Even though it is a fact that some family members and friends put pressure on their single loved ones to get married; yet, marrying solely on the basis of pressure you are receiving from those you love can be dangerous and risky.
Unfortunately, after one crosses a certain age such as 28, society makes singlehood look rather unappealing and unpleasant, as though it’s an abomination not to marry.
To such an extent that for many singles, communal life starts to wither; you may start to feel like a freak when going to certain social events alone (e.g. wedding, marriage anniversaries, parties, etc.).
Never allow pressure from your family, friends and society to push you into marrying someone that you’ll later regret for marrying.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
www.thespectatoronline.com
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Relationship
Marriage is a cultural union
Marriage is a cultural union
Marriage is often considered a cultural union; because it is a social institution that is deeply rooted in cultural norms and traditions. In many cultures, marriage is not just a union between two individuals, but a union between families, tribes, or even entire communities.
Marriage is a cultural union or institution that varies across different societies and cultures, but it typically involves certain common elements, such as a public declaration of commitment, a legal contract, and a religious or social ceremony.
In many cultures, marriage is also closely tied to religious or spiritual beliefs, and may involve elaborate ceremonies and rituals that reflect these beliefs. For example, in African and Christian dominated cultures, the wedding ceremony is usually seen as a sacred union between a man and woman, and involves a number of traditional rituals and customs that symbolise the couple’s commitment to each other and to their shared spiritual path.
The cultural significance of marriage varies widely across cultures, but some common themes include the formation of social bonds, the establishment of a family unit, and the preservation of cultural values and traditions. Marriage is often seen as a way to ensure the continuation of a particular culture or way of life, as well as a way to transmit cultural knowledge and values to future generations.
Generally, marriage can be seen as a cultural union because it is deeply embedded in the social and cultural fabric of many societies around the world. It serves as a powerful symbol of social cohesion and continuity, and reflects the values and beliefs of the communities in which it is practised.
In Christianity, marriage is often viewed as a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, established by God for the purpose of companionship, procreation, and the establishment of a family unit. While marriage is viewed as a union between two individuals, it is also seen as a union between God, the couple, and their community. The Christian view of marriage as a cultural union is rooted in the belief that human beings are created in the image of God and are therefore endowed with the capacity for love, relationship, and community.
Marriage is seen as a reflection of the triune nature of God, who exists in a perfect relationship of love and unity between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Christian teachings emphasise the importance of fidelity, commitment, and self-sacrifice in marriage, and stress the importance of maintaining a strong and healthy relationship between spouses.
In many Christian traditions, marriage is also seen as a sacrament, a sacred rite that confers spiritual grace and blessings on the couple. The wedding ceremony is often conducted in a Church or other religious settings, and may involve rituals and customs that reflect the couple’s Christian faith and commitment to each other.
Essentially, the Christian view of marriage as a cultural union emphasizes the importance of love, commitment, and community in the establishment of a lifelong partnership between a man and a woman. It is seen as a sacred covenant between God, the couple, and their community, and serves as a powerful symbol of the values and beliefs of the Christian faith.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Blended families-tips for easing the transition-Part 2
As divorce is on the increase in numerous places in the world, blended families have become a common type of household. Many families have a lot of difficulties navigating this unique family situation with success.
A major reason is that members of blended families need to make many adjustments in their lives. The transition can be problematic. And trying to force it can breed conflict and resentment.
Last week we looked at four tips that would help ease the transition, this week we continue with another four tips.
5. Keep the biological connections strong
Encourage all the children to keep a close connection to both of their biological parents. It may be difficult when they live different cities, but it is not impossible.
When you are supportive in this way and respectful of the ex-spouses, the children will see that it is not a competition for affection. Rather, it shows them that you truly care about their happiness.
6. Give support to the children who have to live in two households
Show compassion and understanding to the children who have to move back and forth. Do not assume all is fine but be ready to listen when they need you.
They may worry about missing out on something while they are gone. They may also still have a lot of unresolved feelings about the end of their biological parent’s marriage or the death of one of their parents.
The moment of packing up and moving once again can be highly emotional and feel overwhelming to them. Be by their side.
7. Nurture your marriage
Of course, the transition is not just tough on the children but also for you and your spouse. You will need your partner’s support and they need yours. So, do not forget to make time for each other and cultivate closeness. Your relationship needs to be strong to make a success of your new blended family.
Enjoy date nights and keep your bond strong. Your children will naturally fall in place behind your lead.
8. Expect to adjust
With proper help and guidance, children can recover from family disruption. All children experience a difficult adjustment period following a divorce or remarriage.
It takes time, patience, and perhaps some professional assistance, but most children are able to regain their emotional bearings. It is critical that the adults manage their own emotional recovery in order to help the children adjust without trauma.
Source- eddinscounseling.com
