Eh! been a while since I did this because I don’t want any teen, adolescent, teenager, young lady, or woman to use it as a tool for manipulating somebody’s son about their relationship or marriage.

I have evidence to prove some of you use my writeups about marriage and relationships to emotionally blackmail your partners. Please don’t do that. Just use it as a learning guide or ignore it if you don’t agree okay?

….. but wait is it my eyes reading and ears listening to some young girls and women ( married & single ) saying “It is out of place if a husband wakes his wife up at 2 am to cook for him.”

For me these past few years, have opened my eyes to the sharp contrast between the reality of believing most of us portray on social media versus what we actually are or what we practically do or can do for mere relationships talk more of marriage.

So my teens, adolescents, teenagers, young ladies, and women please have a mind of your own, you believe what you see written or said on social media at your own risk.

When issues about relationships or marriage pop up here. Let’s take our time.

Ask yourself will I do it or not or it’s because I have to join the bandwagon?
Ask yourself, if you are confronted with a situation like that, what will you do away from social media?

Sometimes we write for likes and comments but behind closed doors willingly do the opposite or the unthinkable when it comes to relationships and marriage.

Whereas some people who write things like this, do as they have written with their full chest off social media.

Sometimes, we sit on social media and rubbish marriage or relationship so bad but we are the same people still married and we are the same people praying and patiently waiting to be married or aggressively and desperately wanting to be married. May Allah help all of us. He looks to the intention.

But In all honestly- what is wrong with cooking for your husband at 2 a.m.? I will only have a problem when it becomes an everyday thing. But if not why not?

Isn’t it the same as a pregnant woman with serious cravings waking her husband at odd hours to go get her something to quench her cravings? Sometimes away from home?

Isn’t it the same as, some of us waking up at dawn to get suhoor done for ourselves or our spouses?

Isn’t it the same as taking care of a sick husband’s needs at odd hours?

Isn’t it the same as waking up at dawn to prepare for occasional or festive meals? Christmas/ Sallah/ Easter/ Birthdays/ Marriage/ Naming/ Funeral etc?

Isn’t it the same as staying up late to feed newborn babies because of their high demand for feeding at odd hours? Ask every new mum about this.

Isn’t it the same as staying online chatting through Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, IG, TikTok, iMessage, WhatsApp, messenger etc. or on a phone call with your boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, finances, husbands, ex-husbands, sugar daddies etc. even your friends?

Some of you single ladies even use your hard-earned money to cook for men to eat for free. Persistently call them and wait for them to come and eat at odd hours but you are here ranting.

I can go on and on with a lot of real-time examples but let me leave it here. My only advice is if you are not married yet, take it easy. And even if you are married too, please because you are still married making those who admire and want to join the institution for the sake of Allah think a certain kind of way is not the best. How about telling them all the other “unthinkable” “unexpected” or “unassumed” and “unseen” things you do for your husband or marriage? Nobody will beat you if you do it or not. It is a matter known to you and your God.

A career woman like myself, God knows I cook in bulk for my household, I have mastered the art of cooking a lot of meals in one day to stock up unless it is a dire situation I doubt my husband will wake me up at 2 am to cook fresh meal for him. And if he craves his favourite outside food from his favourite rice, waakye or Jollof joint at such a time, why not? He goes to buy it.

Know the person you want to build a marriage life with. Though there are certain situations you can’t predict. A lot of red flags are usually ignored by most of us because we cloud our judgements of who our future partners will be because of the few things we see about them from the outside. There are so many layers to every human being, time, circumstances and reality uncover them and until you live with a person under one roof, you can’t not really know or see them clearly because we humans also pretend a lot and act according to what we get or want from the other person. Yes, you can not fully know a person no matter the years.

Marriage is an act of worship and an act of service to mankind. Don’t let anyone make you feel less or great. That validation is in ALLAH’s hands. Do it if you can just make sure it’s something which wouldn’t affect your well-being emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, morally, socially and mentally. The Ball is in your court. May Allah make it easy for all of us. Ameen
Also leave it at the back of your mind that, marriage humbles the married sometimes. The things you run your mouth over can be the things you will end up overly doing.

Finally, it is okay if we don’t share opinions on every trending issue on Facebook. Also waking up to cook at 2 am or not doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage. Pray you are married to a God-fearing partner. Some women haven’t or wouldn’t do this but have a successful marriage and on the other hand, some women do that and continue to do that but their marriage is not successful. We all just need the God factor and God’s grace and must learn to be good humans. Treat each other well and do for others what we want to be done for us.

By Adiza Kuburah Ibrahim