How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce

 1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)

Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.

Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the Amer­ican Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”

Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriag­es—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.

The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.

While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a vola­tile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.

This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.

In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.

In such cases, the person typical­ly knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithful­ness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidel­ity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.

Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These pro­found effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its poten­tial to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.

Unfortunately, marriages fre­quently end after adultery is discov­ered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeat­edly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolu­tion of their marital relationship.

Children are likely to be affect­ed adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destruc­tive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.

2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication

Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective commu­nication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.

In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statis­tics:

• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent

• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.

Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, re­spect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excel­lent communication can see a rela­tionship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.

It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “A COUN­SELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).

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