Identifying your non- negotiatables in a spouse

 When choosing a spouse, it is vital to identify your non-negotiables. Non-ne­gotiables are the qualities, charac­teristics, or values that you cannot compromise on in a relationship. They are the deal-breakers that can make or break a relationship. Identifying your non-negotiables re­quires self-reflection, honesty, and a deep understanding of what you want and need in a relationship.

Why Non-Negotiables Mat­ter?

Non-negotiables matter because they help you identify what you want and need in a relationship. They help you set boundaries and prioritize your needs. When you know your non-negotiables, you can make informed decisions about who you want to spend your life with. Non-negotiables can also help you avoid compromising on your values and principles, which can lead to resentment and unhappiness in a relation­ship.

Types of Non-Negotiables

Non-negotiables can be cate­gorized into several types:

1. Values-based non-negotia­bles: These are non-negotiables that are based on your personal values and principles. For ex­ample, if you value honesty and integrity, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is dishonest or untrustworthy.

2. Personality-based non-ne­gotiables: These are non-nego­tiables that are based on your personality and how you interact with others. For example, if you are an introvert, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is extremely extro­verted.

3. Lifestyle-based non-ne­gotiables: These are non-nego­tiables that are based on your lifestyle and how you want to live your life. A case in point is if you value freedom and indepen­dence, you may not be willing to compromise on a partner who is overly controlling or possessive.

4. Emotional non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables that are founded on your emotion­al needs and desires. Let us say you need a partner who is emotionally supportive and val­idating, in such a situation, you may be unwilling to compromise on a partner who is emotionally unavailable or unreliable.

5. Spiritual non-negotiables: These are non-negotiables relat­ed to your spiritual beliefs and values. If you value spirituality and faith, you may not want to compromise on a partner who does not share your spiritual beliefs.

How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables

Identifying your non-negotia­bles requires self-reflection and honesty. Here are some steps you can take to identify your non-negotiables:

1. Reflect on your values and principles: What is most import­ant to you in life? What do you stand for?

2. Think about your past rela­tionships: What did you like and dislike about your past partners? What were the deal-breakers?

3. Consider your lifestyle and goals: What kind of lifestyle do you want to lead? What are your goals and aspirations?

4. Make a list: Write down your non-negotiables and priori­tize them.

Prioritising Your Non-Nego­tiables

Once you have identified your non-negotiables, it is crucial to prioritise them. Not all non-ne­gotiables are created equal, and some may be more important to you than others. Here are some tips for prioritising your non-ne­gotiables:

1. Rank them: Rank your non-negotiables in order of im­portance.

2. Categorise them: Catego­rize your non-negotiables into must-haves, nice-to-haves, and deal-breakers.

3. Consider the consequenc­es: Consider the consequenc­es of compromising on each non-negotiable.

Communicating Your Non-Negotiables

Once you have identified and prioritised your non-negotia­bles, communicate them to your partner. Here are some tips for communicating your non-nego­tiables:

1. Be clear and direct when communicating your non-nego­tiables.

2. Use “I” statements to ex­press your feelings and needs.

3. Listen to your partner’s perspective and be open to com­promise.

Identifying and prioritising your non-negotiables is essen­tial for choosing a spouse who is compatible with you. By know­ing what you want and need in a relationship, you can make informed decisions and avoid compromising on your values and principles. Remember to com­municate your non-negotiables clearly and respectfully to your partner, and be open to compro­mise and negotiation.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).

ORDER BOOK NOW:

https://princeoffei22. wixsite.com/author https://counselorprinceass.wix­site.com/edu-counseling-psych https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSO­CIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUN­SELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)