Marriage palaver – Part 2

Sikaman is always a hot ground for the bachelor who has to sweep his own room, fetch his own water, clean the bathroom, clean the dishes, and of course cook his own banku.

But cooking for instance, does not present much of a problem since the bachelor can forever procure food in the form of Hausa koko, koose, waakye, kenkey and shito, as well as roasted groundnuts from sellers who are constantly playing hide-and-seek with AMA authorities.

The typical bachelor who be­comes an incorrigible patron of wayside food peddlers is normally malnourished due to obvious rea­sons.

Apart from the fact that most food sellers do not give a damn about quality, it may also happen that in the locality of the bachelor, there are only kenkey sellers.

For eight years running, the bachelor devours kenkey in all its forms and ramifications: kenkey and shito, mashed kenkey with sugar, fermented kenkey (a favourite of al­coholics), and kenkey with pear. The dessert is usually iced water.

If the bachelor’s mother does not take pains to visit him once a fort­night to prepare him ‘home food,’ then of course he will sooner or later die of ‘kenkeymatics,’ which is a disease that attacks bachelors in the Accra Metropolitan Area.

Some bachelors, however, run their home like a pseudo-marriage enterprise. The bachelor has a girl-friend who comes and goes as and when her services are needed. She often spends the night if there is no risk of an earthquake resulting from the clash of rivals.

BACHELOR

However, it become rather expen­sive running a bachelor home with a commuter girl-friend who must be paid fat allowances for cooking, washing, dancing, sleeping and of course, romance. And if you refuse to provide her with a full-shoe, full-dress, full-chicken and full-jelly curls during X’mas, you’ll never see her tail again except in your dreams.

As it were, it is better to get married because a wife does not disappear just because you cannot afford the ‘fullness’ of everything. Marriage is, therefore, the ideal thing, but how many bachelors can afford to marry without going bank­rupt?

In some parts of Northern Gha­na for instance, if you don’t have four cows it means you can always be assured of dying a bachelor-boy. This is rather unfair to those who do not rear cows and therefore have to purchase four cows with hard cash before getting a wife who will start misbehaving the next day.

In spite of the problematic nature of Sikaman marriages, research has always indicated that married peo­ple live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

The reason is quite simple. Married life is the most ideal for an adult. In marriage, contrary to most opinions, one is more relaxed, has time to pursue ambitions, and eats balanced diet and much more. Mar­ried people are always disciplined and responsible and are rewarded accordingly.

It is, therefore, rather unfortu­nate that certain marriages are more disastrous than ‘bachelorships’ or ‘spinsterships.’

The process of getting married itself is a time-consuming venture, and is not achieved in a single day. It starts with courtship which is the be­ginning and, therefore, the sweetest part of it.

Boy and girl are usually encased in a dreamland savouring love for each other. Some girls so admire their tall handsome boy- friends that they keep worshipping them and forget about God.

Some boys also bow to girls who wear spectacles. And both parties want to put up the best of impres­sions. Hot-tempers are regulated with safety valves; the best clothes are worn during dates, and the dain­tiest of manners are exhibited.

During this period, the males miraculously have an inexhaustible supply of cash and the females are also poised to receive gifts before they reciprocate one way or the other, Love letters are written with chosen words that evoke love and overpowering sentiments.

Then comes time for a propos­al that is if that had not preced­ed courtship, because some men propose marriage long before they begin courting.

Proposing marriage can, however, be an awkward part of the whole show, especially when the man is not too sure about what the girl’s response will be.

The faint-hearted aspiring hus­band, therefore, takes a good mea­sure of mahogany-bitters to sharpen the edge of his tongue with which he is going to deliver the message in phonetical tone.

That way, the girl can never refuse, because with some Oxford accent backed by alcoholic power, the proposal becomes the sweetest music in the ear of a maiden.

Alas, the engagement is no joke. A mediocre engagement ring is around GH¢15,000, and that is only a fraction of the estimated expen­diture. Apart from the presentation of several items that run into many thousands of cedis, the groom must hold a reception for people whose stomachs are specially designed for engagement parties. Such well-wish­ers accommodate every drinkable from palm wine to champagne and will digest anything especially left-overs.

It is, however, often tragic for the groom when invited guests and well-wishers do not donate the mon­ey value far and above the equiva­lent of what they eat and drink. And of course, some quick- witted guests will donate according to the quantity of beer, chips and jollof rice served them.

An engagement party, therefore, becomes a refined chop bar where you pay according to what you are served.

When the engagement ring is put on the girl’s finger, a certain magi­cal change occurs within her which would be shown in fine colours im ­mediately she gets under the same roof with the man.

And true like hell, problems begin from the financial angle.

The man feels that although he has not yet wedded the girl, she is now a wife who will understand matters when he cannot afford a full-shoe in the face of rising cost of living and the inability of many corporations and companies to pay the minimum wage.

DOMESTIC

Grudges and grievances are stored in the heart. The woman begins to nag and the man may feel misunderstood. When tension ris­es to breaking point, he must start boxing training for the eventual showdown.

That way he’d not be found lack­ing when it comes to vying for the domestic kenkey weight champion­ship title. If the husband is a south­paw, the situation becomes very dangerous.

Happy marriages are rare in Sika­man. Two out of every five marriages do not travel the entire distance. It sooner or later runs out of steam be­cause of fighting, nagging, infidelity, womanising, arrogance, interference of in-laws, and chop- money palaver.

My pal Robert Kempes Paani Ofosu- ware observes that happy marriages are those that are run with plenty of cash and everything flowing around.

According to him, “Nagging, fighting, arrogance and infidelity on the part of the woman will cease or become minimised when the house is adequately provided for and the wife is enjoying material wealth.

Contrary to this school of thought, Nii Odai TT, alias Goukouni Weddeye says that money per se is not an important factor. An arrogant and disrespectful girl, he notes, will persist in her obstinacy whether or not she is offered a million cedis, in other words, some girls ate con­genitally stubborn and, therefore, incorrigible.

Dear reader, which of these schools do you sympathise with?

This article was first written on Saturday June, 2, 1990