Resilience is a choice

The other day I saw a corn springing out of the overhead at Mallam at the end of George Walker Bush Highway in Accra. Whenever we see a plant or a wildflower pushing through a crack in concrete, we marvel at its determination to thrive. A seed landed in a difficult spot, but it had the tenacity to grow and bloom anyway.

We feel the same rush of admiration for trees that spring up after a devastating fire. When everything seemed ruined, somehow nature won, and life continued.

Many of us are like those determined seeds, those persistent trees. We’ve found ourselves in a difficult spot, or we’ve experienced a devastating tragedy: financial or health losses, death of loved ones, lost opportunities. Can we possibly grow and bloom in such conditions?

Religious leader, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, said, “It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop”.

Our attitudes really can make all the difference. A woman who lost her restaurant during the pandemic immediately set up a takeout company. She made ends meet until she finally grew it into a catering business. She worked hard and refused to give up, and her determination paid off.

A couple also survived decades of overwhelming challenges. They joked that if they didn’t have bad luck, they’d have no luck at all! But through it all; health problems, heartache, even the loss of several children, they have shown traits of survivors. They tried to look for the positive in every situation. They thought about others more than themselves. They turned to God for peace and comfort. And they have learnt to serenely accept that there were certain things they simply could not change.

And we all know people whose early childhood seemed to have set them up for failure, yet they defied the odds and joyfully built a happy, successful life. In their adversities, they learned to forgive, to take responsibility for their own growth, and to be resilient. As the expression goes, instead of cursing the rain, they built a boat.

Among the many things we can’t choose about our life, we can always choose our goals, our work ethics, and our attitudes. Even setbacks, though we’d never choose them, can be blessings when they lead us to explore other avenues. Most of the time, we are grateful for the better jobs we landed after we were laid off, or the compassion we felt towards the grief-stricken after our own period of grieving.

Helen Keller is a remarkable example of someone who overcame the incredible disadvantages of being both blind and deaf. She did not only learned to sign and speak, she became a worldwide inspirational leader also. From her unique perspective, she observed, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it”

We all have our share of difficulty and tragedy in life. Some of us, in fact, seemed to have had more than our share. And then there are people who somehow, against all odds, survive multiple seemingly impossible situations.

Challenges happen for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they are the consequences of our own actions. Other times we are the victims of the poor choices of others. But most of the time, heartaches and adversities come upon us randomly—accidents, illnesses, misfortune. No one is to blame; they just happen.

Regardless of their sources, such hardship can either make us bitter, or in some cases better. What makes the difference? Why do some people become angry and resentful after experiencing adversity, while others become more accepting, even forgiving? Of course, we can’t see the inside of other people’s hearts, or pass judgement on their life journey. But experts have observed that resilient people, “survivors,” share certain traits: they are optimistic, selfless, and spiritual, and they accept what can’t be changed.

In a sense, each of us is a survivor. We all have these traits inside of us to one degree or another. We may not know when the next challenge will come, but the best way to prepare to survive whatever life brings is to think positively, turn outward in selflessness, deepen our relationship with God, and learn to accept what can’t be changed. In other words, we can do our best to develop the traits of a survivor.

By Samuel Enos Eghan

Email: samueleghan@gmail.com