Relationship
Stop damaging your love life!
Sometimes, unknowingly, we are doing things that don’t positively impact our lives. These habits have a way of subconsciously seeping into our daily life so we don’t even realise that the fault might be our own. We always have someone else to blame for our failures. Possibly, you are doing a lot of things right, but one of these might be reducing your chances of being in a healthy relationship. If you are doing even one of the following, you need to stop right now!
Cutting yourself off from social interactions
If you are looking to meet someone while you stay inside a shell, waiting to be discovered, then I’m sorry to tell you that the chances of that happening are scarce. Life is no Disney movie. You need to put yourself out there. If you keep turning down every invitation, don’t indulge in group activities, excuse yourself from conversations; you are reducing the chances of ever meeting the one with some potential. The game rules are; you need to play if you want to win.
Settling for a temporary relationship
Many people choose to be with the wrong person over being alone. If you are settling for someone not suitable for you, killing time as you wait for the right one to come along, you need to burst this bubble. You will never meet your right match if you are stuck with the wrong one, and how do you even explore your options if you are not even a hundred per cent available, not without cheating on your present partner, of course. So be honest with yourself and your partner, and don’t settle for a mediocre relationship if that’s not what you were looking for.
Coming off as desperate
Remember that creepy guy/girl from college who was always found around you, not giving up any opportunity to talk to you? Think back to what a big turn-off it was, and even if they were a nice person, you always ran in the opposite direction because of how desperate they were. So, unless you are trying to attract that freak from college, be available but don’t appear too desperate. Be subtle in your approach, don’t lose your poise, and appear overly eager.
Being around people who are cynical about love
Do most of your friends have negative opinions about love and relationships and can’t stop going on and on about what a waste of time love is? If yes, you need to spend less time with them, else this negativity will affect you and your perspective towards love. It’s okay if they try to cheer you up from your recent break-up, but if this is who they are, you don’t want that kind of disapproval for love in your life. You may have had a couple of unsuccessful relationships, but that should not make you bitter about ever finding love again. How will you find something you don’t even believe exists, and by all means, love does exist? You just need to give yourself a chance to be accepting of it.
Overindulging in comfort food/drinks etc
You will never see an emotionally healthy person constantly drowning in their sorrows in comfort food, drinks, maybe even alcohol, etc. It’s okay to do it occasionally, but if you are always seen with a big bag of chips or can’t function without a bit of hash, this is a big turn-off. Nobody wants to be with a person who has labelled himself or herself as unhappy and emotionally unstable, and chances are if you keep up with this detrimental habit, very soon your physical health will start showing the signs too.
Having a negative mindset
Many people who have been single for a long time or have had unsuccessful relationships develop a pessimistic mindset. In this kind, even though you are open to dating, you know it’s going to be of ‘no use.’ If you keep having a hopeless outlook towards finding the right partner, this will be visible in all your social interactions, and your overall energy will be below. You won’t put in enough effort in building up a conversation because you think it’s a waste etc. Your perspective will affect your actions and how much you invest in communicating with someone.
Source: www.dreamyhub.com
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/author
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
