The anxiety of parents

 I had a call from my daughter and addressing me in her rather unusual but affec­tionate way, by my official name as usual, she greeted me and asked about how I was doing and I responded and we exchanged the usual pleasant­ries.

Then her next statement caused my heart to start pounding. She said “Daddy, I am going out on a date.” This is one of the moments every parent becomes filled with anxiety. It is just like when your adult child comes to tell you that “I have met someone I would like to marry”.

I then started asking about when she met him, how long she had known him etc. Then she said “Daddy, I am just pulling a prank on you” and I heaved a sigh of relief. Every parent will tell you that one of their fears is who their chil­dren will marry in future.

Fear of the unknown, is the issue that brings the anxi­ety. Will this man be a good husband to my daughter? Is there a terrible hereditary disease in his family? What are his parents like and would they be caring in-laws to my daughter etc. etc.

Most parents do not worry too much when their child is a man as opposed to a female child. Furthermore, boys do not bring pregnancy home so if they go out and come home late, parents do not worry too much compared to when Maggie or Agatha or Lucy goes out and comes home late.

Our culture makes it easier for men to opt out of rela­tionships so parents do not worry too much when a male children come to introduce their would-be spouses to them and there is no need to add that spouse here refers to a female, since our culture does not tolerate the insane antisocial behaviour affect­ing some societies including African ones.

Marriage must be between a male and a female, a man and a woman, as God who institut­ed and ordained it. The girls fall in love easily compared to the boys who mostly walk into love. I have not conducted a survey but I strongly believe that females suffer from heartbreaks more than males because of their emotional nature.

Another dimension to this anxiety of parents is the issue of mental problems which in some instances can lead to suicidal tendencies. Mental cases resulting from mental breakdowns abound in our communities and the victims are mostly female.

A woman I met while walk­ing with a friend was a victim of a mental breakdown. The friend I was walking with, ex­changed pleasantries with the said lady and it was apparent that they knew each other very well.

My friend, after we had parted company with the woman, narrated how her husband was engaged in womanising which compelled the woman to take a revenge on him.

She decided that the best way to also hurt her hus­band’s feelings was to have an affair with the husband’s driver. The affair became known to the husband and she was divorced. The dress she was wearing and her general appearance when we met her on the street showed clearly that all was not well mentally with her.

It was so sad and as a parent I started praying into the future of my children that they would get the right partners, God-fearing people to marry.

Another anxiety of parents is the character of their chil­dren’s life partners. Would they be kind people? Will they be people with bad tempers? Will they be wife beaters?

Domestic abuse is common in our society and you will be surprised at the calibre of the perpetrators. Some are well educated people, nicely dressed, when you meet them in public places you will never suspect that they are wife beaters.

Some are even pastors and yet they ignore the teachings of the Bible and maltreat their spouses. It is not only men who abuse their spouses but some women are abusers as well.

May God grant us and our children the gift of spirit of discernment so our children will make the right choices for us to also endorse.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah