The tragedy of battered husbands

Women are standing the men toe-to-toe

It is revealing that men are now going to WAJU to report their wives for all sorts of marital transgres­sions including ball-grabbing. The problem is that when a man fights his wife, he risks damage to his most prized earthly possession – a set of balls.

In days gone by, women were scratching their husbands’ faces. Now, they have grown wiser. They are standing the men toe-to-toe, and when the going gets tough, they grab balls and do all kinds of things to it.

Some men have virtually been emasculated because in a single year they have suffered all kinds of illicit manipulation of their testicles, in­cluding pulling, dragging and anything short of toasting. So, that organ of the body has become so violated and it seems only WAJU can save them from further torment.

Now, WAJU is for women and juveniles as the name suggests-Wom­en and Juvenile Unit. It is time men became part of the show, because whenever they report their wives, they are not turned away. They are rather welcomed with open arms and encouraged to tell their stories. Some are interesting:

“I didn’t know my wife was a champion boxer till I reduced the chop money because I was broke. She beat me pasaaa! When I regained my composure and also wanted to dish it to her, she dashed for my-eh- I mean my thing. Oh Jesus Christ! Now, the thing can’t stand up,” a man would narrate to the sympathetic ear.

It is easy for WAJU to sym­pathise with such a complainant, but going beyond sympathy to ascertain the veracity of the complaint by examining the man’s thing can be problematic. Assum­ing the nice WAJU lady started examining the man intimately and his thing decided to wake up?

Generally, when a man ap­proaches WAJU to tell his story, it means he has had enough of battering and might end up being castrated.

The fact is that marital cas­tration is becoming one popular means being employed by jealous women to keep their men sober for life.

In Kenya, a recent case is worth reproducing: A 30-year- old Kenyan man with two wives got greedy and cheated on them both, but his fun was cut short when his furious mates found out, chopped off his wee- wee and tossed it away.

When the wives got wind that their skirt-chasing hubby was tri­ple-timing them, they tracked him down to a house in the town of Kilo­giris where he was frolicking with a pretty young female companion, the BBC reports.

First, the knife wielding duo vent­ed their fury on his terrified stark-na­ked girlfriend, attacking her and chopping off one of her ears. Then as the cheating husband tried to run for it, the scorned females cornered him, held him down and gave him the Lorena Bobbit treatment.

The victim was rushed to hospital where he is reportedly in fair condi­tion, though efforts to track down his missing manhood were unsuccessful.

Kenyan police are now hunting the two man-maiming harpies, who took off after taking their revenge, according to BBC reporter Muchiri Kioj in Kilogiris.

If it has happened in Kenya, then it can happen in Ghana. Even in South Africa where rape has almost become a national pastime, it came to a time when some women decid­ed to adopt forcible castration of rapists.

It meant taking the law into their own hands, but they felt the criminal justice system was itself too impo­tent to deal with the situation.

So in some communities, you can rape alright, but when you get caught, the consequences for you can be tragic.

And I hear castrated men are just as funky as any castrated pig. All they think about is food. As for romance, it is well beyond their capacity and even their imagination.

Now in Ghana, most women are fighting for the passage of the Do­mestic Violence Bill. They have come up with an idea called marital rape, suggesting that if you pressurise your wife into having sex, to you might as well be heading for Nsawam for a five-year cool-off.

I don’t know where women got that idea from. I guess when they went to Beijing in the 1990s, they had many fantasies and many ideas created to tame the male libido. So a wife can unilaterally declare when she would have sex and plan a time-table copied to her husband.

The husband has no choice but to start nodding like an agama lizard. “Can you please shift the Tuesday event to Monday and Friday to Satur­day?” he may plead. “On Saturdays I’m double horny.”

Which marriage on earth can sub­sist on sex prescriptions and time-ta­bles? Some women see the danger and have called on the authorities to forget the Domestic Violence Bill altogether. They know when the Bill is passed into law that is the end of their marriages.

Now if the Bill should be passed, then it must provide for what is known as Contract Marriages. You can marry for one year on contract and renew it for another year when both parties agree on it.

Man and wife can marry in 2005 take a two-year break and re-enter the contract in 2007 depending on their mood. There will be no need for divorce if the couples decide not to renew a contract. The man goes left and the wife goes right. No court case.

The world is gradually pushing towards a global society where cher­ished institutions like marriage can no longer perpetuate because they have been tempered with man-made laws as against the law of The BIBLE.