Relationship
Is your marriage counsellor or couples therapist right for you?
Ensure to have a say in whoever counsels you
As a single or couple preparing to get married, take personal interest in who counsels you as your marriage therapist or counsellor. Because who you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions you would ever make in your life.
Pre-marital counselling ought not to be some formality you need to satisfy in order to get married. If you are interested in how your life and future turns out, then do not take for granted the person who prepares you for your marriage journey.
Always remember that your marriage can make or break you. Therefore, make sure you have a say in who counsels you, especially if you realise that the marriage counsellor is not qualified and has very little pre-marital counselling experience.
For most of you, because you are in the Church environment, you are not given the chance to choose who prepares you for your marriage. I understand that perfectly. However, if you realise the counsellor you have been assigned will not be helpful in giving you that solid foundation for your marriage journey, then I would encourage you to ask your Senior Pastor or the Head of Counselling Unit to give you another counsellor you would be more comfortable with.
Make this request in a respectful manner. In many cases, if there are other marriage counsellors available, I know the Church would be more than willing to grant your request by giving you another counsellor.
Nevertheless, in an extreme situation where you don’t get any replacement because it is only one counsellor you are all stuck to, I would encourage you to seek professional pre-marital counselling outside while you still go through the pre-marital counselling package of your Church.
Do not ever rebel against your Church! Instead, get additional professional counselling from a counselling facility like ours (Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, which is a mental health and counselling consult accredited by Ghana Psychology Council).
Indeed, such professional services would attract some fees; however, if experiencing a happy, fulfilling and lasting marriage is your main goal, then no cost would be too much for you to get professional support.
Qualities to look out for in Your Marriage Counsellor
As you embark on the journey of marriage, remember that seeking help from a professional marriage therapist or counsellor can be a valuable asset to your relationship.
I admit there are so many characteristics you would have to consider when choosing your marriage therapist or counsellor. Nevertheless, the following are the core qualities that your marriage counsellor or therapist must possess:
1. Respect for your Christian faith and values
If you are a Christian searching for a qualified Christian marriage counsellor, look for a marriage counsellor who aligns with your Christian beliefs and values. It would be helpful if the counsellor is a strong Christian himself or herself. They should have a solid understanding of biblical principles and must have the required skills to effectively integrate such principles into their counselling approach.
As a Christian couple, it will be a plus if your marriage counsellor is doctrinally solid, secure in his own marriage and family relationships (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:7), and living in obedience to God’s Word within his or her marriage.
2. Expertise in marriage counselling
Look for a counsellor with specific training and experience in couple counselling or therapy. The counsellor should have a master’s or undergraduate degree in marriage or couple counselling, or at least some form of professionally accredited certificate in marriage or couplesss counselling.
A professional certificate such as, Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult’s ‘Certificate in Counselling and Marriage Therapy’, which is accredited by Ghana Psychology Council (GPC). In extreme cases where the person does not have any of these training, you could look out for at least general counselling or psychology training, in addition to some years of experience in handling couples.
Within the context of Christian training, I know many recognised and accredited Christian Seminaries and Pastoral Schools integrate some basic marriage counselling courses to equip the pastors. However, it is not all pastors who have the required expertise to provide effective pre-marital counselling.
Ultimately, find a counsellor who has specific relevant experience in working with couples and marriage-related issues. They must have some years of practice and a track record of helping couples overcome challenges and improve their relationships.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC)
Relationship
What you should expect to learn in pre-marital counselling
- Pre-marital counselling involves couples coming together for joint therapy sessions
Many times, pre-marital counselling involves couples or partners coming together for joint therapy sessions. Working with a qualified marriage counsellor or therapist, you will learn skills to help improve your relationship as a couple.
At the same time, it is not all pre-marital counselling that leads to marriage. It is possible that certain discoveries (and major red flags) could emerge during the counselling sessions, and for that reason one of you may want to discontinue the marriage process so as to avoid any future regrets.
From my experience and professional practice, I would say that no matter how painful it is to break up a relationship prior to marriage; it is still far better to do that than to break up your marriage relationship.
The marriage breakup has more serious implications than any pain that could emerge from relationship break up.
In some instances, the specific topics to be explored and skills to be developed in your pre-marital counselling sessions will depend on your needs as a couple.
Despite this, I would give you all the topics and skills to expect your counsellor to take you through in order to have a happy and lasting relationship.
Even if you are not considering pre-marital counselling at the moment, you can still benefit from these skills and topics. They are also an excellent way to create depth in your conversations and build a solid healthy foundation in the early stages of your relationship.
Not in any specific order, I would like you to take note of these important skills and lessons you will learn in your sessions: 1 understanding the concept of marriage, 2 building a strong foundation for your marriage, 3 examining your expectations leading to your marriage, 4 undergoing medical tests and sometimes mental health assessment, 5 resolving conflicts together, 6 communicating openly and effectively, 7 taking decisions as a couple, 8. building a strong Christian home (if you’re Christians), 9 building transparency and trust, 10 knowing yourselves: your strengths and weaknesses—and how to improve them, 11 building commitment towards the marriage and each other, 12 accepting your unique roles and responsibilities in your marriage, 13 planning your future together, 14 sexual intimacy in marriage, 15 bearing and raising children, 16 understanding the concept of love, 17 the role of love languages in experiencing marital happiness, 18 managing your home finances, 19 defining your beliefs and values, 20 adjustments in marriage, 21 balancing love, work, and family life, 22 relating with your in-laws and third parties, 23 creating your unique marriage and family rituals, 24 engaging married couples to learn from them, 25 understanding divorce and what causes it, 26 Christian view on divorce, 27 preparing for your marriage ceremony, 28 planning for your honeymoon and how to maximise it, and finally, 29 making your first year of marriage count.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Tips for creating healthy working relationships
We spend around a third of our lives at work. Our jobs and careers make a real impact on our overall levels of happiness. Having good work relationships will always make our jobs more enjoyable
Also, when we have great workplace relationships we will demonstrate cooperation, trust and fairness, activating the reward centre of our brains which encourages even more positive interactions.
Here are some tips to create healthy relationships at the workplace.
1. Focus on self-awareness
This means taking full responsibility for your words and actions, not letting your own negative emotions impact the people around us.
If you feel frustration or resentment towards others this will manifest in what you observe and the way you engage.
By developing your own Emotional Intelligence, you will become more adept at identifying and handling your emotions be able to recognise the needs of others.
Again, if you view colleagues with compassion and respect, you will improve your interactions and build strong working relationships.
What would happen if you stopped making judgments and embraced a positive appraisal of your co-workers? If we saw difference as something valuable that could be harnessed and actually enhance your perception and understanding of those around you? Your vibe will always attract your tribe.
2. Be open and honest
A good relationships depend on open, honest communication. Whether you are sending emails or meeting face-to-face or on video calls, the more effectively you communicate with those around you, the better you will connect. It is important to identify the nature of your relationships with others.
What is it that we need and what do our colleagues need from us? Once you know the fundamentals of what you need you can be clear with communicating and better understanding each other’s requirements.
3. Practice active listening
Good people skills are essential. How good are you at collaborating, communicating and managing challenge? People respond better to those who truly listen to what they have to say. By practicing active listening, you will talk less and understand colleagues more and you will quickly become trustworthy and have more successful interactions.
One key skill you can forget when listening is the power of a good question. Active listening is engaging in what you hear, asking questions such as ‘What would you like to happen?’ How can I help you address that? Shows you listen and you care.
4. Avoid bad people skills
Good people skills mean avoiding the bad people skills. Gossip and negativity can ruin any workplace relationships. If you are experiencing challenge with someone in your group, talk to them directly and kindly about the problem, be prepared to listen attentively and objectively.
Gossiping or colluding with other colleagues will only aggravate the issues, accelerating mistrust and animosity.
5. Give praise and feedback
Everyone wants to feel that their work is appreciated and to feel truly valued. Genuinely complimenting the work and actions of those around you is a great way to build relationships.
Be honest, precise and authentic when delivering praise. Thank you or a gentle word of encouragement can make all the difference to someone’s day. These positive interactions can have a ripple effect and create a much happier and more successful workplace
