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Churches on wheels
Easter is due! Jesus will die on the cross and be buried in the tomb from where he will resurrect after three days and people who see will think he is ‘Madam High Heels.’
His death and resurrection are of much significance to Christians but people consider it little more than an ecclesiastical drama that was staged in Golgotha during which Jesus was nailed on the cross. Many even do not believe the Lord once lived.
But believe it or not before his death, he lived in the era of Caiaphas and Pontius Pilate who were in charge of religious and secular affairs and who contributed to the successful mis-trial and murdering of Jesus.
The significance here is not his death but his blood which was supposed to save those who believe in the Son of Man. It is for this reason that for Christians, Easter should be a solemn occasion when sinful man must supplicate to the Lord and reunite with Him.
However, in general terms, this is not so. Easter is seen as being synonymous with picnics, swinging on the mountains where old girlfriends are met and new ones impregnated.
It is also an occasion when new dance styles from the capital are outdoored when Amakye Dede is on stage. And it is normally during Easter that people dance as if they were fighting, perhaps with the devil.
FOOTING THE BILLS
Now coming to think of it, devoted Christians must be commended for keeping the flame of the Christian religion burning. At the school parks at night, you are likely to see them vibrating with energy and reverberating in tongues, praying for everybody and the nation so that guinea fowls will stop causing civil wars.
And if you are not aware, such Christians in fact flow in the spirit and when they dance, it is by way of the spirit such that the steps they take are heavenly-inspired.
Most often, you’ll also meet them preaching the good news to the jobless, reassuring them that there is fuller life in heaven where food is free and there is no electricity and water bills to be paid. God foots all bills.
And after every preaching session, they demand ‘chop money’ from those who hear the word. There is nothing wrong with that if the preachers are full-time Evangelists because the Bible stipulates that they must be catered for by the church. But I am against those who are not full time clergymen but go out to preach only when they are broke. They must repent!
Now how do they preach and where? Sometimes it is at dawn so that people can be sufficiently disturbed to wake up and hear that news that would save them. And those who are fornicating at the moment can be delivered.
“We are from so-and-so gospel ministry. Our mission is to bring the good news to your doorstep. It is free; you pay nothing for it. However, there is one condition. Stop whatever you are doing now and listen intently, for your salvation depends on whatever you hear from us this morning.
“If you’ve joined forces with the opposite sex at this moment, I command you in the name of Elijah to disengage. It is only then that you can listen to the gospel and be saved. Halleluyah!”
Now preaching the good news at dawn or at lorry parks is not irritating to people as delivering the gospel on moving vehicles. At the lorry parks for instance, it is only those who are interested who will come around and listen and be blessed. You have no problem with those who want to remain ‘sinners.’
On the other hand, those who organise churches and conventions on passenger buses and force passengers to listen may have good intentions at the wrong place.
First, it is not fair to preach your religion in a bus that has different religions. And those people of other faiths do not want anybody to impose his beliefs on them, no matter how laudable such belief might be. They are entitled to a peaceful ride to their destination and should not be disturbed.
I remember somewhere in the mid-eighties when I was travelling on a bus on which an evangelist was preaching. At the end of it, he asked everybody to shake hands with the person sitting next to him. Unfortunately for me I was sitting between two Alhaji’s who found the entire session irritating. And I was to shake them by hand.
But first I had to make sure they were also prepared to shake hands with me. So I looked into the eyes of the one on the left and realised that he was fuming and ready to explode if detonated. Upon close look study of his visage, I saw that he was also twitching his moustache. I wondered whether I was safe.
SHAKING OF HANDS
Looking into the face of the other, I got horrified by what I saw. He was opening and closing his eyes at me like a maniac. I wanted to ask him whether he was normal but quickly decided against it for fear that he’d break my jaw. If I had insured my jaw, I would have risked it, but I wasn’t covered.
As it were, I raised my head a bit and lowered it down coolly as the bus sped on. I guess the Evangelist didn’t see the expression on the faces of the Alhajis. If he had, he would have apologised for organising a Christian sermon for Christians, Moslems, Buddhists, Krishnas, and forcing them to shake hands.
In fact, when these Alhajis alighted at Nima Police Station and were going away, one of them said a sentence which I heard the word ‘walahi.’ Lucky me.
Preaching on buses is also not good because the driver’s attention is distracted. He might even join singing the chorus and unconsciously try to dance alongside. Before he realises that he is not in a church room, it is too late, Obituary!
Deaths on our roads have often occurred because drivers merely want to change a cassette they are playing which meant their attention was distracted for just a few seconds.
I think a law must be put in place to stop evangelists from preaching on moving vehicles. Passenger vehicles must not be turned into church rooms. They can still convert people at the lorry parks if they choose to.
If Moslems, Krishnas, Bahais, Buddhists, Shinotoists and all others also want to use moving vehicles to spread their respective ‘gospels,’ how would it be like in Sikaman?
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The Prophet part 2
“I can see in the spirit, that some of you have been trading for years without seeing any meaningful profits, some young women have been disappointed by men who have either abandoned them and left for foreign lands and forgotten about them, or stopped sending money for the upkeep of their wives and children.
I can see young men who are desperate for visas to travel abroad but have either been duped by visa contractors or refused at the embassies. From tomorrow, I assure you, the visas will be given.
Young women, I have news for you. You will receive telephone calls, and you will hear very good news. Handsome young men with money in their pockets will come and marry you, and take care of you. Traders, you will get big business and big profits from today. From today, you will see that I am a true prophet who has come to deliver you.”
Shouts of “Amen,” “thank you Prophet” and “I receive it” greeted his sermon. After a final prayer, he asked the congregation to come early the following day, and bring others, because there would be many testimonies.
There would also be “special anointing” for great miracles. Although he did not ask for an offering, most of the people came and dropped notes, and coins at the “pulpit.” When they left, Antobam counted the money.
“GH¢900!” he almost shouted, ‘and I did not even ask for an offering. This is fantabulous!’ Going to the Nana Kofi Broni shrine, he told himself, was a very wise move.
He started making plans……He had to choose a few assistants who would carry out his orders……. He had to hire some chairs as soon as possible……He had to find a suitable piece of land and, if possible, build his own church……. He had to start looking for a nice car, befitting the status of a popular preacher …… And, most importantly, he had to select two, three or four nice, young women to take care of his needs, apart from the servants who would cook, wash, iron and do other errands for him.
Abruptly, he told himself, this hungry, scruffy Kukurantumi boy was being transformed into a man of power and money, with some of the most beautiful women in town at his beck and call. Wow!
After a shower and supper, he shut the door to the very small room that served as his bedroom and dropped on the bed. Almost immediately, the shrill sounds, like whispers, began.
This time he did not express any fears. He realised to his great surprise that even though the sounds were not in the form of any language, he could understand them.
Tomorrow there will be testimonies……they will give money……. some rich people are being prepared …….they will bring big money ………. we will give them what they want, and they will bring money ……. big money …….big, big money……the women will also come, a number of them. ‘
He went to sleep smiling and whispering to himself, ‘big, big money, and women!’
He woke up at 5 and took a shower. After a breakfast of tea and several slices of bread he set off. On reaching the venue he saw to his great surprise that the place was full.
Very full, and quite a number of people rushed to embrace him and give him the wonderful news. The excited people narrated the testimonies about big sales, telephone calls from relatives directing them to go to Western Union, and impotent husbands who had miraculously rediscovered their magic powers.
He was truly glad that Nana Kofi Broni’s magic had already started working, but most of his attention was focused on the ladies in the congregation. He noticed to his great delight that some of them were really nice. I must start making my selection, he told himself. Today!
“Give a mighty clap offering to the great, mighty one for his wonders among us!” he started, and the response was very big.
“I said yesterday that you were going to see signs and wonders, and I am very happy that my word has been fulfilled. Even though we have taken allowed one hour for testimonies, many more of you would like to testify.
Tomorrow, I promise you that there will be ample time. I will only preach a short sermon. The rest of the time will be taken up by consultations, after which I will give directions on what to do to ensure that you defeat your enemies, secure your marriage and, most importantly, continue increasing your profits in your business.” His sermon was interspersed with ecstatic shouts of “Amen,” “it is true,” “God bless you” and “I receive it.”
His final word was emphatic; “Big miracles are coming your way. Keep attending church, and don’t forget to give thanks to God.”
By Ekow de Heer
Features
Full Gospel Businessmen Fellowship launches project to transform young lives
The Full Gospel Businessmen’s Fellowship International (FGBMFI) Ghana has launched the Senior High Schools and Colleges Project (SCP) aimed at empowering and transforming the lives of young people.
Speaking at the launch, Professor Mike Ocquaye, the former Speaker of Parliament, emphasised the need to catch them young and train them as the current times were challenging.
He lauded the project, calling on all to support it, saying “In fact, it’s very important to catch them young, train them, lead them, guide them, and mentor them because the times are indeed rough,” Prof. Ocquaye said.
Mr Ekow Egyir Dadson, the Director, Schools and Colleges Directorate, stated that since its inception in 2018, the SCP had reached over 70 educational institutions with countless testimonies of transformation.
“We began with the Presbyterian Boys Secondary School (PRESEC) Legon, and now in 2024, we have visited 74 schools and impacted the lives of over 100,000 students, some of whom were personally mentored and now have graduated from the universities.”
He explained that the SCP, a vision by FGBMFI Ghana, was a bold outreach programme designed to call young people to Christ, train and equip them for the future.
He cited testimony-sharing, mentorship, career guidance, entrepreneurship and counseling as some of the unique approaches to be used in reaching out to the targeted students.
Mr Emmanuel Baba Mahama, the National President of the FGBMFI Ghana, launched the SCP Manual, which would help the FGBMFI Zonal Family Chapters across Ghana in order to adopt schools and colleges within their catchment areas.
The Schools and Colleges project is making a great impact; we have had first-hand testimonies from school heads, teachers, and students (mentees) about the SCP. This project has come to stay, Mr Baba Mahama assured.
He, therefore, called for more volunteers and partners to help the SCP shape the next generation of leaders and citizens.
Findings by the FGBMFI revealed that Ghana’s senior high schools, colleges, and university students face growing challenges like addictions, indiscipline, poor academic performance, pornography, homosexuality, broken homes, and a lack of godly guidance.
That had been a concern to many parents and society, “but the FGBMFI believes there is hope to rescue and restore these young students,” Mr Mahama said. –GNA
