Relationship
Essential tips to foster love and respect in your marriage
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It’s no surprise that men and women are different. And, we’re not just talking about physical differences. Men and women think differently and find different things relevant to their lives.
Although both men and women value love and respect in marriage, according to marriage therapists, they look at love differently.
To women, they need love to survive. But then, so do men. How they view what love is and how they wish to receive it are very different from each other. One big key to a HYPERLINK “https:// www.marriage.com/advice/ relationship/how-to-build-deep-connections-stay-happy-interview-with-author-kira-asatryan/” happy marriage is understanding that and putting it into practice.
In short, women value love in an emotional sense. Men, however, crave respect.
So, if you have been thinking about ways on how to show respect to your husband or how to show HYPERLINK “https://www.marriage.com/ advice/love/importance-of-love-in-marriage/” love in marriage, look no further.
You are at the right place where you can pick up the language of love and respect as well as learn to show affection and respect to your spouse.
Here are 10 tips to bring more love and respect in marriage, with each person taking note of what the other person values and needs the most.
Show affection
What is love in marriage as far as women are concerned?
For women to feel loved, they need to be shown affection regularly. This is separate from HYPERLINK “https://www.marriage.com/ advice/physical-intimacy/” sex.
She needs hugs, kisses, cuddles, and loving touches. She needs to know that you love her in this way without it having to lead to intimacy every time. It makes her feel valued. And this is how a woman perceives love and respect in marriage.
Give her lots of attention
For women, another definition of love and respect in marriage is attention!
HYPERLINK “https:// www.marriage.com/advice/ relationship/things-women-want-from-their-husbands/” Women want a lot of attention. This can be shown in many ways, and it’s essential to pay attention to what your wife truly needs. Most women view attention as talking.
Husbands need to talk to their wives to show love and respect in marriage. The subject of the talking is less important than the sincerity behind it.
So ask how her day went, show an interest in what she did that day, ask questions about what she thinks about particular issues to express your respect and love in marriage.
Listen without giving advice
Women need your listening ear. Women are smart, capable people. They can figure out their problems pretty well. But they need your encouragement to do so.
If you have been wondering how to show love and respect in marriage, listen instead of trying to solve their problems.
Encourage her in what she feels is right. Validate that what she is feeling is perfectly normal.
Plan alone time, just the two of you
Husbands, your wives crave time with only the two of you together. So, remember that HYPERLINK “https://www.marriage. com/advice/relationship/ ways-to-have-a-quality-time-with-your-partner/” couples time is synonymous with love and respect in marriage for a woman.
During a regular day, she is working, finishing projects, coordinating with co-workers or friends; she is cleaning and organising and taking care of dinner.
Most of her day is spent doing things for other people. After a while, she gets depleted, and she feels completely disconnected from you.
What she wants is to relax and recharge with just you by her side. When she has that regularly—sometimes it needs to be scheduled, perhaps as a HYPERLINK “https://www. huffpost.com/entry/date-night-ideas-for-married-couples_b_1460693” \t “_blank” weekly date together—then she feels like you two are in this together, even though you spend a lot of your days doing separate things.
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
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When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
