Features
Just in time part 1
Esaaba and Baaba were the only children of their parents. Esaaba was two years older than Baaba. They had a good, comfortable upbringing, but Mama and Dada just could not hide the fact that Baaba was their favourite.
They were both good in school, but Baaba was brilliant, all the way to university. She had a sharp mind, she was witty, and very pretty. Boys followed her like flies, and she had a way of shrugging them off without offending them.
Baaba was the practical type. She took her time, and got things done. Esaaba came out with a second class upper in Biochemistry, and Baaba got a first class in Pharmacy. For most of the time they got along quite well, but sometimes they had strong disagreements which only worsened when their parents took Baaba’s side.
When that happened, Esaaba would drop the argument or back out of the issue of contention and walk away. That often made things much worse. Two years after graduation, Baaba married a doctor she had met in the university. He was certainly a great guy, both in looks and character.
They had two kids in two years, and settled down to a peaceful life. Esaaba was still living with their parents and at the age of twenty-eight, was not showing any sign of settling down with a guy. Initially their parents only dropped hints every now and then that she should be giving the issue of marriage some consideration.
She would also drop a word or two to indicate that the issue of marriage was certainly on her mind, but that she was firmly convinced that it was wrong for a woman to even attempt to look for a man.
The time she was convinced would certainly come, and she was not going to force it. Then Stanley Forson appeared on the scene. He lived with his family at the entrance to the Estates, whilst they were at the other end, some five kilometres away.
He attended an engineering school in Germany and came home to establish a shop that provided hi-tech servicing for Mercedes Benz, Golf and other German cars.
He was obviously doing well, and often travelled to Germany. He visited a few times, and we went out to some restaurants. Mr and MrsEssel took a great liking to him, especially when he brought them gifts when he returned from Hanover, where he was previously based.
One evening they called Esaaba and asked her what she thought of Stanley as a husband. It was obvious, they said that he was interested in her, and the least she could do was return the affection he was showing her.
Esaaba replied that she was doing enough to reciprocate the time Stanley was spending on her. She had cooked a nice meal and invited him to supper, for example, and he had certainly enjoyed himself. She had also bought him two shirts, one on his birthday and the other when he was leaving on one of his trips to Germany.
And she called him regularly, even when he was in Germany. But while they had developed a good friendship, Stanley had not even come close to indicating any interest in a relationship, let alone marriage. She said that the best thing to do at that time was to wait, and give him time to sort out whatever issues he had. But they had other plans, and they put them into motion without informing her.
She learned later that they invited him home one evening, and virtually told him that having known him and his family for many years, they considered him a decent young man with a great future. They had naturally taken note of his friendship with their daughter, and wished to assure him that if he had any issues regarding the future of the relationship, he could count on them to find a solution.
They went further to say that marriage was an institution that was built over time, that there was never an ideal time to get married, but two young people can decide to join together and build a lasting relationship.
Two days later, Stanley invited Esaaba out for a drink. He picked her up, and he drove to a snack joint nearby. After they had taken their first sip, he drew closer and said ‘Esaaba, we have been friends for a while, and I believe we know each other well. I think it is time we took our relationship to another level.
I would like to ask you, will you be my wife?’ He took a ring from his breast pocket and continued, ‘I got this for you. Of course, I am not asking you to start wearing it now. I would like you to take it, and when we eventually do the traditional and official ceremonies, you can start wearing it’.
I tried to hide my surprise and thought of something to say. ‘Stanley’ Esaaba said, ‘I am really surprised. Thank you very much. What shall I say? Yes, we have known each other for a while. I am certainly interested in your proposal.
I will only make a humble request that you let me know your plans for the future. If I am going to be your wife, then I would like to know what plans you have for us. I hope you understand what I am saying.’
‘Yes, certainly. I understand you perfectly well. I think it’s in order. I just wanted you to know what my intentions are. In the coming days and weeks I will discuss my plans with you, then we can go forward. So will you accept the ring?’
‘Yes’, she said. Certainly. ‘You have already said that you will discuss your plans with me, so on that basis I accept it’.Esaaba did not say anything to her parents about Stanley’s proposal. She spent some days wondering what exactly lay behind it. Although she always hoped to enter into a relationship, she had not thought about how it could affect her life.
She was a Teaching Assistant at the Biochemistry Department, and she was considering two options. She could start a three year Master’s Degree programme at the Department whilst still a teaching assistant, or she could apply for a scholarship to do further studies, preferably in Europe.
If she was going to marry Stanley, then she had to review all those plans. She had not thought about them because they had not come up in the times she spent with him.
They had spent some time together, but they had not discussed anything that indicated an interest in a future relationship. She had visited his home once, and never been to his workplace, even though she knew where he worked. She had no objection to a relationship with him, but she would wish to know more about him.
So she decided that whilst waiting for him to open up regarding his plans, she would also start making some moves. She decided to wait for a week or two, and visit him at his workplace. He went to the house on two occasions, but they carried on as usual, although she noticed that he spent a few minutes chatting with her parents each time.
By Ekow de Heer
Features
Old folks and human suffering
The aged
Grey hair is an honour from God, says my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, whose moustache the world admires. Unfortunately, his moustache is not grey. However, my dear, uncle who is a petty bourgeoisie is greying at the temples, which according to him is a sign of wisdom, reverence and honour. To me, it is also an indication that he is gradually nearing ‘home’ to render a comprehensive account of his life to his Creator.
Indeed, the principles of accountability and probity transcend grey hairs and moustache, and wind up in St Peter’s Heaven.
Anyone who is getting close to the age of 60 can rightly claim the grey hair status. But in Sikaman for instance, to be a living member of the grey hair fraternity is a privilege and not a right. This is because the average life span of humans today is 49 years, and the average in Third World countries is much lower. Poverty alone can kill you at 27.
It is also of interest to note that journalists have the lowest average lifespan vis- a-vis other professional groups, according to a proven research.
In any case, the human species are better off than insects and animals. A mosquito lives for only six days and decides to call it quits. Most birds live for five years; and when a dog lives up to 10 years, it automatically becomes a liberal democrat. Why? Because it becomes so weak that it can no longer be a leftist watchdog of its master’s home. The poor dog becomes rather liberal to thieves and burglars.
So is it with human beings who clock 65 and above, especially when they have not eaten good for over six decades. According to the Bible, the human limit which has been divinely decreed is three score and 10, that is, 70. This appears discriminatory when we consider that Methuselah for instance lived for 969 years before agreeing to die.
CURSE
Back to Sikaman, anyone who flies past the age of 65 is considered an old- man (woman) whether he is well- nourished or takes ‘quarter’ on a regular basis.
To many, however, to be called an old person is rather a curse than a blessing. And of course nobody wants to be a pensioner for obvious reasons. So you see workers who are clearly over 70 years claiming to be 50 just to avoid retirement and its associated money palaver. But somehow, they are justified.
Fact is that, these days, nobody cares for the aged, and so they have to care for themselves. It was the quest to avoid this unfortunate situation that the HelpAge Ghana was formed last year as a voluntary organisation aimed at promoting the well-being of the aged and ageing in Sikaman.
When the second HelpAge Week was launched last weekend, I felt so sad to see on television, old men and women, some of whom could hardly work their rickety heels to help themselves about. Some really had to be assisted to walk.
HelpAge has come so timely, at a time when no one respects or cares for the aged. In times’ past, old folks were regarded as useful members of the society, imparting knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation, telling Ananse stories to enliven the evenings of little children.
But today, old people are regarded as nuisance. They are accused of being talkatives, always complaining of kooko, waist-pains, constipation, diarrhea, chronic catarrh and lack of good diet.
Their physical and mental infirmities associated with senescence, coupled with the high cost of fending for them, makes them unwanted in a rat-race society where man must live by sweet.
Some people really want their aged relatives to die quickly to relieve them of the burden of caring for them. They can’t afford to be feeding them every day like that! So unfortunate.
PROBLEMS
In the developed countries, however, because of problems that go with caring for the elderly in society, homes for the elderly are established in many communities, where the aged can live comfortably to enjoy their last days on earth. They are cared for, nourished and entertained.
In fact, there is a branch of medicine called GERONTOLOGY which is concerned with the processes of growing old, and there is what we call (GERIATRICS) which is the medical care of old people. Scholars are specialise in these fields because their society cares for the welfare of the aged.
HelpAge Ghana is a laudable idea and Sikaman natives must be awakened to their responsibility to the elderly. Those who also handle their pension claims must avoid the unnecessary delays. I remember, my old man had to go up and down for months before he was put on his rightful scale.
Now, instead of wishing our aged mothers, fathers and grand-parents to die so that we can get enough money to drink beer, let us contribute to HelpAge Ghana to get it firmly instituted.
That way when we are lucky to reach the three score and ten mark, we could also benefit from it. No one knows what the future has in store.
Sometime last year, I was privileged to attend a get-together of pensioners of UAC and management staff at the Ambassador Hotel. I am not a pensioner though. It was quite an interesting scene to see old men and women all over chatting animatedly, and reminiscing their good old days.
I was also quite impressed with how some of them attended to the gin, brandy and beer at the reception.
In contrast to this, it is so pathetic to see many old people in the capital of Sikaman begging for money to buy kenkey. They look dirty and unkempt carrying aloft their grey hairs. Let us find a means of helping out these elderly folks so that when our turn comes the good old Lord will have mercy upon us.
This article was first written was on Saturday October 6, 1990
Features
The anxiety of parents
I had a call from my daughter and addressing me in her rather unusual but affectionate way, by my official name as usual, she greeted me and asked about how I was doing and I responded and we exchanged the usual pleasantries.
Then her next statement caused my heart to start pounding. She said “Daddy, I am going out on a date.” This is one of the moments every parent becomes filled with anxiety. It is just like when your adult child comes to tell you that “I have met someone I would like to marry”.
I then started asking about when she met him, how long she had known him etc. Then she said “Daddy, I am just pulling a prank on you” and I heaved a sigh of relief. Every parent will tell you that one of their fears is who their children will marry in future.
Fear of the unknown, is the issue that brings the anxiety. Will this man be a good husband to my daughter? Is there a terrible hereditary disease in his family? What are his parents like and would they be caring in-laws to my daughter etc. etc.
Most parents do not worry too much when their child is a man as opposed to a female child. Furthermore, boys do not bring pregnancy home so if they go out and come home late, parents do not worry too much compared to when Maggie or Agatha or Lucy goes out and comes home late.
Our culture makes it easier for men to opt out of relationships so parents do not worry too much when a male children come to introduce their would-be spouses to them and there is no need to add that spouse here refers to a female, since our culture does not tolerate the insane antisocial behaviour affecting some societies including African ones.
Marriage must be between a male and a female, a man and a woman, as God who instituted and ordained it. The girls fall in love easily compared to the boys who mostly walk into love. I have not conducted a survey but I strongly believe that females suffer from heartbreaks more than males because of their emotional nature.
Another dimension to this anxiety of parents is the issue of mental problems which in some instances can lead to suicidal tendencies. Mental cases resulting from mental breakdowns abound in our communities and the victims are mostly female.
A woman I met while walking with a friend was a victim of a mental breakdown. The friend I was walking with, exchanged pleasantries with the said lady and it was apparent that they knew each other very well.
My friend, after we had parted company with the woman, narrated how her husband was engaged in womanising which compelled the woman to take a revenge on him.
She decided that the best way to also hurt her husband’s feelings was to have an affair with the husband’s driver. The affair became known to the husband and she was divorced. The dress she was wearing and her general appearance when we met her on the street showed clearly that all was not well mentally with her.
It was so sad and as a parent I started praying into the future of my children that they would get the right partners, God-fearing people to marry.
Another anxiety of parents is the character of their children’s life partners. Would they be kind people? Will they be people with bad tempers? Will they be wife beaters?
Domestic abuse is common in our society and you will be surprised at the calibre of the perpetrators. Some are well educated people, nicely dressed, when you meet them in public places you will never suspect that they are wife beaters.
Some are even pastors and yet they ignore the teachings of the Bible and maltreat their spouses. It is not only men who abuse their spouses but some women are abusers as well.
May God grant us and our children the gift of spirit of discernment so our children will make the right choices for us to also endorse.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
