Features
My journey through childlessness …Rev. Ama Abedi shares story
Pastor Mrs Nana Ama Abedi
For the first five years of marriage, Rev. Mrs Berlinda Nana Ama Abedi and her husband battled infertility and stigmatisation.
“I had five miscarriages and the last was a set of twins after carrying them for five months.
The previous pregnancies lasted three months each. It was a terrible moment in our lives. The last actually broke my husband,” she said with tears in her eyes.
In an interview with The Spectator last Wednesday, Rev. Abedi disclosed that even though she went through difficult moments, she remained optimistic that one day the story will change for the better because of assurances from specialist doctors that they were medically fit to have children.
“God is an amazing God. I don’t know how he did it but the next five years he restored us. He blessed us with three children and wiped away all our tears,” she said smiling.
Rev. Abedi said she feels well positioned to advise people who are battling infertility and stigmatisation ‘because I think I have seen it all,’ she said.
She said she was convinced that God made her go through those ‘difficult times’ because He had an assignment for her in that delicate area of people’s lives.
She said at the time she battled infertility, she was not a Rev. but now, both she and her husband are Rev.s.
“Imagine that I was in charge of the Children’s Ministry but didn’t have my own children. Sometimes people looked at me in a certain way and I could understand what they were saying but I did not react no matter how much it hurt me. A children’s teacher who didn’t have children. Indeed, it was a difficult situation,” she disclosed.
She recalled how she nearly got into a fight with a Rev. from another church because he told her that she was unable to have children because of her name Berlinda and so she needed to come for deliverance at his church.
“Berlinda as I know means beautiful lady and so his comments really baffled me,” she said.
“I told him that I had been praying and God had not told me anything contrary so I couldn’t take his words seriously. I didn’t want to disrespect a man of God but I felt I had been pushed too far.”
“Thankfully, he travelled out of the country almost immediately and when he returned after a year, I had become a mother. I felt God had wiped away my shame,” she stated.
Rev. Abedi cautioned couples who were going through such difficulties to be careful to prevent people from taking advantage of them.
“They can even tell from your looks and conversations that you have become vulnerable and so they will package anything as a solution for you. If you are not careful, in trying to solve one problem, you would end up adding more problems to your life, “she admonished.
According to her, she had to deal with insensitive comments from people and it was worse when it came from the church which was supposed to be a place of consolation.
“I remember there was a lady who always had one medication or the other for me every Sunday. I tried to avoid her because it was taking a toll on my mental health but she might have observed it and so would always be waiting for me at the main entrance of the church.”
“It was so depressing that I nearly left the church. The development has an interesting way of making you lose your strength to fight back even when you are overly provoked,” she disclosed.
She, however, acknowledged that there were some members of the church who were genuinely concerned and so would encourage more prayers.
“In fact, there were others who never discussed the issue with me but when I became a mother, I found out later that they were seriously interceding on my behalf and I thank them so much. I think this is what people should do and not be confrontational with childless couples as if they had committed an offence and under interrogation,” she prescribed.
Rev. Abedi who is also a journalist said losing a pregnancy was something that no one should even wish for an enemy because aside the psychological and emotional torture, the physical process to take out the foetus was a pain ‘that was out of the world.’
Recounting some difficult moments, she noted that there was the need for people to be sympathetic to childless couples to prevent unpleasant comments to break them.
She observed a practice where people gave their babies to childless couples to carry at gatherings, claiming that if they carry them they would soon have theirs.
Rev. Abedi who has been married for over 16 years now said countless times she had heard people say their intentions were good with no malice intended but which she found unfortunate.
She said it was worrying to see people who married years after she did conceive and have children almost the same year of marriage.
She commended her parents and mother-in-law who she said stood firmly by them during the period by constantly speaking words of encouragement such as ‘God’s time is the best’ among others to her and the husband and also prayed for them.
Rev. Abedi advised all persons who were trying to conceive to avoid people whose comments made them feel bad.
From Dzifa Tetteh Tay, Tema
Features
Lotto wahala and Tuobodom palaver
In Sikaman lotto is not a game. It is a profession, a noble career which people aspire to. It is the highest paying profession after armed robbery and the most widespread job on this side of the Atlantic.
In places like China, lotto is a disease that has no cure. Once you are infected, no doctor on earth can cure you. May be Kofi Larteh, Ghana’s most celebrated magician, can help ease the symptoms, but no definitive cure will be forthcoming.
Coming back to Sikaman, lotto has been the financial messiah of many. That is how people look after their large families, pay school fees, marry two wives and do their own ‘monkey things.’
If you are very poor and you win a lottery, chances are that you will die before you even collect the money. You’ll die out of excitement or you’ll start day-dreaming in the streets and an articulated truck will hit you.
As such, very heavy wins are not recommended for poor people, lest they get listed too soon in the obituary columns.
The sad story is told of a heavy-duty caterpillar driver who had a very heavy lotto windfall of several millions, his first big win after several years.
CATERPILLAR
He was driving the caterpillar home when he saw his son running towards him, shouting. “All your numbers have dropped! All your numbers have dropped! He could not believe his ears.
All the four numbers he had staked had dropped and his son, who had gone to stake them for him, was himself over-excited. The poor caterpillar man just could not handle the good news. He suddenly stepped on the brakes and the caterpillar jolted him a trifle too violently, throwing him off. He landed right in front of the still moving heavy-duty machine and it crushed him flat.
I don’t think the bloke would have died if he had won a smaller amount. Sometimes too much cash is not good for the health.
Seldom, people get too confident and that can also result in a wake-keeping, like that of a man who used his lifetime savings and borrowed extra money to crack the machine with a two-sure that the compiler must compulsory drop or the world will end.
Even the shadows of the numbers or their counterparts were nowhere near the winning numbers. His shock-absorbers crumbled under the weight of the heavy disappointment. He crashed to the floor and started foaming at the mouth. He was declared dead on arrival at the nearest clinic.
WINDFALL
Recently, there was a countrywide lotto windfall, and in Kumasi it was more than a festival. Most stakers had between ¢30m and ¢40 million on two-sure that the lotto magicians had predicted at least three weeks earlier,
Kejetia chop bars were besieged with overnight millionaires, carrying huge appetites induced by Opeimu Bitters popularly called Opeimu Peters. All the meat and mudfish got sold out within an hour and procurement agents had to double up to restock.
While some were celebrating, others were weeping and gnashing teeth. The problem was that, three weeks beforehand, the two sure numbers were declared by all the lotto sorcerers, dreamers, magicians, tellers and all the self-appointed and self-promoted forecasters.
Everybody including 10-year-olds, who staked and lost. The following week, they were advised to continue staking. The faithful did continue but the faithless stopped. All of them lost. In the third week or so, a good number of confident stakers had lost faith in the two numbers. That was when the number landed.
So the windfall was for only those who had the unshakeable faith in the numbers. See what faith can do? It can move dollars. Don’t waver, so saith the holy scriptures.
The faithless indeed gnashed teeth. The winners on the other hand celebrated with a song that is as controversial as the business of lotto. It is a song played by the group called Nkasei and has something to do with a town in the Brong Ahafo Region called Tuobodom whose capital we hear is Jinijini.
I hear it is a derogatory song and the queen mother of Tuobodom got charged and breathed out electric current during her protest on air. She allegedly ended up demanding a mobile phone from Nkasei so that she could communicate with them to settle the matter peacefully, lest wahala.
Well, the song is rising up the charts and Nkasei are making the dough, but should it be at the expense of a whole townsfolk, their forebears and generations to come?
WATERPROOF
Waterproof, the famous comedian, was allegedly given hefty slaps at the Kumasi rail station by some Frafra jingoists who felt he was deriding their tribe. And Bob Okala had to run with his tail between his legs when he was confronted and realised that slaps were going to be visited on his lean face.
Let’s not use words and lyrics to cause discomfort to others.
This article was first published on Saturday July 9, 2005
Features
The power of change: Understanding the process and catalysts
CHANGE is an inevitable and essential aspect of life, shaping individuals, organizations, and societies. It can be transformative, leading to growth, innovation, and progress. But how is change created?
This comprehensive article explores the process and catalysts of change.
The Change Process
The change process involves several stages:
1. Awareness: Recognising the need for change.
2. Assessment: Evaluating the current state.
3. Visioning: Envisioning the desired future state.
4. Planning: Developing strategies and action plans.
5. Implementation: Executing the plan.
6. Evaluation: Monitoring progress and making adjustments.
Catalysts of Change
Several factors can catalyse change:
1. Internal Motivation: Personal or organisational desire for improvement.
2. External Pressures: Market trends, technological advancements, or regulatory requirements.
3. Leadership: Visionary leaders driving change.
4. Crisis: Forced change due to unexpected events.
5. Innovation: New ideas and technologies.
Types of Change
Change can be:
1. Incremental: Gradual, small-scale changes.
2. Transformational: Radical, large-scale changes.
3. Strategic: Planned, deliberate changes.
4. Emergent: Spontaneous, unplanned changes.
Change Management
Effective change management involves:
1. Communication: Clear messaging and stakeholder engagement.
2. Training: Developing skills and knowledge.
3. Support: Providing resources and guidance.
4. Monitoring: Tracking progress and addressing challenges.
Resistance to Change
Resistance can arise due to:
1. Fear: Uncertainty and anxiety.
2. Habit: Comfort with the status quo.
3. Lack of Understanding: Insufficient information.
4. Power Dynamics: Threats to authority or control.
Overcoming Resistance
Strategies to overcome resistance include:
1. Education: Providing information and context.
2. Involvement: Engaging stakeholders in the change process.
3. Support: Addressing concerns and fears.
4. Leadership: Demonstrating commitment and vision.
Sustaining Change
To sustain change:
1. Embed Change: Integrate new practices and behaviors.
2. Monitor Progress: Continuously evaluate and adjust.
3. Celebrate Successes: Recognize achievements.
4. Maintain Momentum: Keep the change process moving.
Conclusion
Change is a complex and multifaceted process. Understanding the change process, catalysts, and management strategies can help individuals and organizations navigate and create meaningful change.
Recommendations
1. Develop a Change Mindset: Embrace change as an opportunity.
2. Build Change Capacity: Develop skills and resources.
3. Foster a Culture of Change: Encourage innovation and experimentation.
By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson
