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Qualities to look out for in your marriage counsellor

As you begin your journey of mar­riage, remember that seeking help from a professional mar­riage therapist or counsellor can be a valuable asset to your relationship.

I admit there are so many charac­teristics you would have to consider when choosing your marriage ther­apist or counsellor. Therefore, I will start by introducing you to the core qualities that your marriage counsel­lor or therapist must possess:

1. Professional qualifications and credentials

Check the counsellor’s qualifica­tions, such as their educational back­ground, counselling certifications, and any specialised training in marriage counselling (for instance, Counselor Prince & Associates Consult’s ‘Cer­tificate in Counselling and Marriage Therapy,’ which is accredited by Gha­na Psychology Council (GPC).

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Ensure the therapist or counsel­lor has appropriate credentials and is licensed or at least certified. For instance, if you are in Ghana, the counsellor must be licensed with the Ghana Psychology Council (GPC).

2. Rapport building and creating a welcoming atmosphere

Your marriage therapist or coun­sellor should possess the critical skills of building rapport and creating a welcoming environment for you and your partner.

Imagine you and your partner walk into a marriage counsellor’s office for the first time. You are nervous, vulnerable, and unsure about what lies ahead.

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It is important that the counsellor you choose understands the value of rapport building and creating a warm and inviting space for you both.

Rapport building is the foundation of any successful counselling relation­ship. It is all about your counsellor establishing a connection, trust, and understanding with you and your part­ner.

Creating a welcoming atmosphere goes beyond having a cozy office or providing refreshments. It is about making you and your partner feel val­ued and respected from the moment you step through the door.

Your counsellor should start by greeting you and your partner with a smile and a genuine welcome. They must show sincere concern, making it clear that your struggles matter to them.

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The counsellor must pay attention to their own body language, ensuring it conveys openness and approach­ability. For instance, a simple gesture like offering you a comfortable seat or a bottle of water can go a long way in making you feel at ease.

Finally, remember that building a rapport and creating a welcoming atmosphere is an ongoing process. That means your counsellor must con­tinuously check in with you and your partner, ask for your feedback, and adjust their approach accordingly.

3. Strong communication skills

A good marriage counsellor or therapist should have excellent active listening skills, questioning skills, clarification and reflecting skills, as well as general communication skills, just to mention a few.

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Your counsellor should be able to facilitate constructive dialogue between you and your partner.

For your counsellor to be a good listener, they must make you feel heard and understood. This means giving you undivided attention, main­taining eye contact, and responding empathically to your concerns.

The counsellor should be able to articulate his or her thoughts, wisdom and guidance to you and your partner in a clear manner.

4. Impartial and non-judgmental attitude

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The counsellor or therapist should have the ability to create a safe and non-judgmental space for you. It is essential that you and your part­ner feel comfortable sharing your thoughts, emotions, and concerns without fear of criticism or condem­nation.

A skilled counsellor should main­tain a non-judgmental and objective stance when helping you.

A professional marriage counsel­lor will remain neutral and unbiased throughout the therapeutic process. They will not take sides or favour one partner over the other.

Instead, they will listen to both of you attentively, offer insights, and guide you towards a deeper under­standing of your relationship dynam­ics. This objectivity helps ensure fairness and creates a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and concerns.

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Remember, the journey to growth and experiencing a happy and fulfill­ing marriage begins with you feeling safe and well supported.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprin­ceass.wixsite.com/edu-counsel­ing-psych

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC)

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Relationship

7 things Easter story teaches about marriage, relationships

• A good relationship involves a lot of forgiveness
• A good relationship involves a lot of forgiveness

This time of the year, we reflect quite a bit on the Easter story—the story of Christ’s betrayal, His sacrifice, His death, and ultimately, the Resur­rection that changed the course of history and mankind’s relationship with the Creator.

But what does this have to do with marriage or relationships?

If marriage or relationships were meant to reflect the image of God, then there is no better example than Christ, the living embodiment of God’s love.

Through His sacrifice, He showed that love for each other and even for Him was not enough.

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Here are seven things we can learn about marriage or relation­ships from Easter.

1. Betrayal can come from those we love and trust the most.

Jesus knew this all too well. Judas-one of the 12, the few in Jesus’ inner circle—betrayed Him by turning Him in to the chief priests.

Betrayal hurts. When it comes from someone we love and trust, it cuts all the deeper. And some of your deepest pain will likely come from your spouse or the person closest to you.

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No marriage or relationship is immune. But it is your response to the offense has to reflect the faith and trust we have in Christ.

2. We are not above betray­ing the ones we love

Peter was passionate about his relationship with Christ. When Jesus told Peter he would disown Him three times before the rooster crowed, Peter just could not fathom it. “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” Peter told Him. Yet, before the night had ended, Peter “wept bitterly” after he de­nied His Savior not once, but three times (Matthew 26:34-75).

Matthew 26:41 tells us “The spirit indeed is willing. Sometimes it is unintentional, words often rush out before my brain can catch up. Other times, the words that cut deep leave your lips without fully assessing the damage they will cause. None of us are above hurting our spouse or friends, no matter how much we try.

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3. Others won’t believe your marriage/ relationship can be saved

As they gazed upon the suffering Christ, the chief priests mocked Him. “He saved others; he cannot save himself,” they said. “Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down now from the cross that we may see and believe” (Mark 15:31- 32). The sad irony of their words is that because they refused to believe, they would never see their own salvation on that cross.

Most cultures are a brutal place to try to save a dying marriage. Not only do an increasing number of people not believe in the lasting power of marriage, many will gladly take a front seat to watch your marriage die. They will mock you and your spouse and say divorce is a better option.

Protect your relationship by sur­rounding yourself with people who encourage your marriage rather than dragging it down.

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4. Marriage/relationship takes sacrifice.

Jesus knew what was coming. He prayed in Gethsemane, “My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). Later, before He was nailed to the cross, “they offered him wine to drink, mixed with gall, but when he tasted it, he would not drink it” (Matthew 27:34). The wine concoction offered to Jesus was one typically offered to slightly ease the pain of those condemned to death. Jesus refused to numb even a fraction of the sac­rifice He was about to make.

It sometimes seems like a no-brainer that we would give our lives for our spouses. But what about in the day to day? Are you willing to sacrifice your comfort, your preferences, even being right for your spouse?

On a much smaller level, sac­rificing yourself for your spouse is putting their best interests above your own through a series of choic­es that can seem insignificant.

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5. Marriage/relationship takes forgiveness.

Jesus’ sacrifice guaranteed God’s forgiveness for those who love Him. Even through the pain of the cross, He called out on behalf of those who crucified Him. “Jesus said, ‘Fa­ther, forgive them, for they know not what they do’” (Luke 23:34).

Forgiveness is not just something we have been given, it is also some­thing we, as followers of Christ, are told to do. In Colossians, Paul says, “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (3:13). Your spouse is going to mess up. A lot. You are too, perhaps even more. A good marriage involves a lot of asking for, giving, and receiving forgiveness.

6. Marriage/relationship takes faith

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After the tomb was found empty, Jesus appeared to His disciples. Thomas was not there. And when the others told him they had seen the Lord, Thomas was skeptical.

“Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” A week later, Thomas found himself face-to-face with Jesus, who offered his hands to Thomas. “Do not disbelieve,” Jesus told him, “but believe” (John 20:24-29).

There have been times it was a struggle to find the good in your marriage or relationship. It was like trying to find a match in the dark­ness. Most at times you will not see things getting any better. Holding on when you want to let go takes faith. Even a little.

7. We all need a Saviour

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The apostle John recorded the last words Jesus spoke on the cross to be, “It is finished” (John 19:30). Finished was His atonement for our sins. No one else could have paid the heavy debt we carried but the Son of God.

Marriage/relationship is a bless­ing, but make no mistake, it is hard at times. You and your spouse can not do it on your own strength and determination.

Much like the criminal hanging next to Jesus who said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42), you need to recognise the need for a Savior. And much like the disciples who were standing before their risen Lord, you need Him to breathe life into you (and into your mar­riage) with the Holy Spirit (John 20:22).

Your spouse needs Jesus as much as you do—no more, no less. Re­membering this can help you view him or her differently. —familylife. com

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Relationship

Tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships

 When you commit to taking up a new habit, it is essential to have a clear plan of action before you begin. Start with a long-term goal and keep it S.M.A.R.T: S- Specific M-Measurable A- Achievable R-Rele­vant and T- Timely

Habit Stacking

Habit Stacking is exactly what it sounds like: putting two or more habits together. We recom­mend choosing times of the day when routines are strongest. For most people, this is usually the morning or before bed. We know day-to-day life can get a little crazy, but there are certain times when patterns are created, mak­ing them the perfect place for a positive change.

The best way to form a new habit is to tie it in with an exist­ing one.

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Baby steps

Many experts agree that signif­icant changes require high moti­vation levels, which can be hard to sustain. Instead, you should start with a slight change that will eventually lead to something bigger.

You can transition to some­thing bigger once you have successfully implemented daily habits for a designated amount of time.

Consistency

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Consistency is key. To make something a habit, you need to do it every day. We have all heard the magic ‘21 day’ fix, but the fact of the matter is, it’s not one size fits all.

Celebrate success

Perhaps the most important part of habit-making is rewarding yourself. We know habits take time, but in order to not give up, you need to celebrate every win.

Find the thing you love and allow yourself to experience it once you’ve hit a milestone on your habit-forming journey. Some­times, the results of habits are not immediately apparent. Do not give up!

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