Relationship
Reasons to believe in love again
Sometimes, love is something that just happens to fall into an unbelievably lucky person’s lap. However, for the most part, love is always something that you’re just going to have to struggle and fight for. For the most part, love is really something that you need to give your everything to if you want to find any success in it. You might be so unlucky that you have to endure a few heartaches before you can find a good man. You must never lose hope.
Just because you have had a string of bad luck with your relationships doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get it right. The good man is out there. And it’s always important that you maintain your belief in the fact that he exists. If you’re not convinced, here are 10 reasons you should probably change your mind.
You attract mostly what you believe.
The law of attraction. This isn’t just something that people have made up over the years. It’s real. You really do attract what you believe. You really do attract the kind of energy that you give of into the world. If you always believe that all men are going to be bad, then you are essentially going to attract all of the bad men to come into your life.
You risk becoming a bitter woman.
No good guy is ever going to want to be around a bitter woman. And so, if you allow yourself to stay bitter about the state of men in the world, you are essentially repelling all of the good guys from you. You never want to be bitter about your romantic situation. You can be sad about your bad luck. But you don’t want that sadness to turn into something toxic.
You set expectations to be unbelievably high for good men.
The more that you believe that good men don’t exist, then the higher your expectations will actually be for all men that you meet. You are going to start to equate finding good men with finding Bigfoot or unicorns. Accept that all good men do exist – it’s just that they aren’t going to be as perfect as you want them to be. No one is perfect after all.
You risk settling for someone you’re not really meant to be with.
If you convince yourself that good men don’t exist, you might just settle for a bad guy out of desperation to be in a relationship just for the hell of it. And that’s definitely bad.
You might just cling to the idea of eventually ending up with prince charming.
Prince charming does not exist in this real life. If you really want to find love, you have to accept the fact that reality isn’t always going to meet your fairytale expectations. Let go of the idea of prince charming just randomly showing up in your life. No knight in shining armour is going to come and sweep you off your feet. Let go of these childish beliefs so that you don’t end up disappointed all the time.
To be continued.
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
