Relationship
Secrets for lasting relationship
It is believed that after seven years of a marriage, the happiness starts wavering. If you get through this, it’s most probably going to last. Seven years is a considerable amount of time. A lot can change during these times. You might have gone through a lot. You would’ve had numerous fall outs, major life style changes, differences with not only each other but the respective families as well and what not. There might have been good times as well as bad times. And to live through these, you could hopefully benefit from the following things:
See the humour in things
Everybody appreciates a good sense of humour. Don’t ever let anything get too serious. Learn to laugh at yourself. Try keeping things on the lighter side. You can always save a situation with a good laugh. However, be careful with your timing or you might end up worsening things.
Discover how you express love
This is different for everyone as well. We all have our own way of professing our love. Since it’s different for everyone, people often remain in doubt as to whether their partner feels the same way or not. You need to recognise and learn their patterns. Once you do so, you’ll see that even though your ways are different, the love is present.
Don’t suffocate each other
You can be in a relationship and be yourselves at the same time. And for that, you both need time for yourselves. You don’t need to be together all the time or do everything together. Respect and acknowledge your partner’s need to spend time apart. When you have time to do the things you want and to take care of yourself, you can actually be more giving and focused in the time you spend with them.
Talk about everything!
When you’re sharing your life with someone, you need to share taking decisions that would impact you both. It’s better to have everything out in the open rather than putting it off to a point where you have no choice but to deal with it. You both deserve to know how you feel regarding a certain subject and how you should progress with it. Talk about everything from what your room should look like to your finances, setting boundaries for families and friends, having children and so on.
Work for what you want
If you want your relationship to last, it’s up to you to make sure it does. You only get what you work for. Relationships require quite a few things to last. Love unconditionally. Earn each other’s trust. Accept them with all their imperfections. All of these things require compromise. And sometimes you need to make difficult choices as well as sacrifices. But if you feel that your relationship is worth it, you’ll find it in yourself to work for it.
Focus on becoming the kind of person you’d want to be with
Rather than looking for the things you want in another person, maybe the better thing to do is to adopt those things and become a better version of yourself. You will no longer need someone to fill some sort of void. When you feel content on your own, you’ll be able to love them without developing any dependency on them. Because at the end of the day, you would be enough for yourself.
Remember the good times
It’s nice to relive the times you fell for them, or you laughed yourself to tears or the first date and many such memories. They always manage to put a smile on your face. They could smooth things out when you’re going through tough times. They serve as reminders as to what you’re striving for and what more you could have. You’re encouraged to add to this list every time you think of it.
Love and place yourself first, even before them and everyone else follows. Be comfortable with who you are and accept them as they are. Don’t make things more difficult than they have to be. There’s a solution to everything; keep that in mind when faced with any problem. Work together to make your relationship last.
Source: www.gistping.com
Relationship
Tips for a stress free family Christmas
Many people find Christmas a stressful time and this is often to do with expectations. We all worry about getting the right gifts for people, preparing the perfect Christmas dinner, getting the house ready and spending concentrated time with extended family.
To help you have a fun Christmas rather than a frazzled one here are some tips for keeping the pressure off.
1. State expectations
Make sure that you have conversations with your family and friends about everyone’s expectations of Christmas well in advance. That way you can deal with any difficult demands and make compromises that suit everyone.
If you are worried about the cost of Christmas, you could also set some spending limits for gifts or come up with ideas for presents that don’t need to be bought; for example washing the car or making someone breakfast in bed.
2. Remember it’s OK to say no
As well as talking to your family about what they want to happen at Christmas be honest about what you want to do too.
If you want to turn something down, explain why you do not want to do it, and have a suggestion ready for an alternative.
For example instead of taking on all the cooking you could suggest a ‘bring and share’ meal so that everyone takes a share of the work.
3. Practical prep
If you are hosting Christmas, it is always a good idea to do some prep beforehand – simple things like making (or buying!) the food early or wrapping presents the weekend before can really help.
Make a list of tasks that need to be done in the run up to Christmas and ask your family and friends to each put their name to something. You can stick this up at home and even get the kids to decorate it with Christmas pictures or stickers.
4. Delegate, delegate, delegate
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. We can all fall into the trap of wanting to be the perfect host, but in reality, hosting Christmas Day can be very demanding. Asking people to help can make everyone feel involved. Children really like to feel helpful, so get them involved with handing round snacks or setting the table.
5. Avoid conflict
If you are worried your guests might not get on, go for a walk in the afternoon to break things up a little. This gives everyone the chance to chat to someone different, or even to stay at home if tension is building.
Equally, you can always ask a guest to make drinks, or help out with the kids in order to break up any potential conflict.
6. It is your Christmas too
Christmas Day can whizz by in a festive blur without you so much has sniffing a glass of fizz or pulling a cracker because you’re frantically trying to make everything perfect for everyone else.
Remember that it is your Christmas too and you should be able to enjoy it. Make a timetable for the day so that there are regular times when you can sit down and talk with everyone or play with the children.
Relationship
Social and economic implications of divorce
Social Implications
divorce has social consequences that extend beyond the couple to affect families, communities, and society. The failure of a marriage often leads to a ripple effect that transforms social relationships and societal dynamics (Amato, 2010).
a. Impact on family dynamics
Marital dissolution reshapes family roles and responsibilities, often resulting in conflicts among family members. Studies indicate that children often feel torn between parents, leading to strained parent-child relationships (Lansford, 2009). In Ghana, studies have shown that children in divorced families are more prone to behavioural issues, often feeling unsupported and confused (Abane, 2011). Additionally, research suggests that parental divorce can lead to long-term emotional instability in children—affecting their ability to form secure attachments and causing relational difficulties that may last well into adulthood (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).
b. Community disruption
When marriages break down, communities experience a weakening of social ties. People who are divorced and their children may feel alienated or stigmatised, and thereby become more withdrawn. In the USA, a report by the Institute for Family Studies (Wilcox et al. [2020]) reveals that community-level marriage dissolution correlates with lower community engagement and weaker social bonds. This can contribute to a reduction in collective cohesion, support networks, and social integration—affecting the quality of community life and overall societal well-being (Harkonen, 2014).
c. Children’s social development
Children of divorced parents commonly struggle with issues such as insecurity, trust, and difficulty building relationships. According to a study conducted in the UK, children belonging to divorcees are 33 per cent more likely to experience anxiety and social withdrawal than those in stable two-parent families (Office for National Statistics, 2021). Similarly, Nigerian studies show that children from divorced families mostly struggle with peer relationships, academic performance, and self-esteem (Olowodunoye & Ogungbamila, 2013). These social challenges can have lasting impacts, including increased risks of academic and occupational hurdles in adulthood.
Economic Implications
The economic costs of divorce are both immediate and long-term. They impact individuals and families, and on a larger scale, can influence the economic health of entire societies (Wagner & Weiss, 2006).
a. Financial strain
People’s financial stability can suffer greatly due to divorce. One or both spouses may struggle to cover basic expenses and maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle. Studies from the USA show that, on average, divorce can shrink household income by 15-40 per cent due to legal fees, asset division, and shifts in living arrangements (Amato, 2014). In Ghana, research suggests that divorced women, in particular, face financial hardship, with many relying on extended family support (Osei-Hwedie & Mwansa, 2007). Moreover, divorce in Nigeria substantially changes financial security, especially for women who lack legal protection for property or financial rights (Isiugo-Abanihe, 2005).
b. Impact on career and productivity
Marriage dissolution can alter work productivity and career growth. A study conducted by the United Kingdom’s Marriage Foundation (2019) revealed that individuals undergoing divorce tend to encounter a temporary drop in work performance, with a reported 20 per cent increase in sick days among recently divorced employees. Career disruption not only influences personal financial stability but can also minimise overall workforce efficiency, with consequences for national economic output (Vignoli et al., 2018).
c. Economic burden on society
The economic consequence of divorce extends beyond the individuals involved, placing a financial strain on public resources. A report from the Institute of Economic Affairs (2016) found that family breakdown costs the UK economy approximately £48 billion annually in welfare and support programmes, with similar patterns observed in the USA (Thomas & Sawhill, 2002). Divorce-related economic challenges normally require government intervention in the form of social welfare, housing assistance, and other public benefits, making family dysfunction an economic burden on society (Vignoli et al., 2018).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https:// counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/ edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
