Relationship
Secrets to create meaningful relationships Know yourself to know others
When you learn to dig deep within yourself, you begin to learn about others more. The more you allow people to connect with you; you’d get to know them better in return. You’d know how to reach the very depth of people.
You alone are responsible for your feelings.
Don’t give people the power to control your mind or heart. You’re personal and perfectly capable of deciding how you feel about specific circumstances or people. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
Be yourself, at all costs.
If someone doesn’t like you, it’s not your responsibility to change their opinion. You shouldn’t have to please anyone. Don’t change yourself to gain acceptance. Be proud of who you’re. You’re one of a kind. And if people can’t accept you for who you’re, you don’t need to keep them around.
Despite all the differences, people are essentially the same
Sure everyone you meet will be a little different from you, but what is life without a bit of colour. At the same time, you’d have at least a few things in common with the people you meet. Our similarities can link us and be the foundation of something unique.
No expectations, no disappointments
Not everyone has the same heart as yours. Not everyone is going to treat you the way you treat them. Don’t set any expectations from anyone; you might end up hurt. So spare yourself the pain, but be the best you can be. And let people surprise you. And if you meet someone who isn’t precisely lovely every once in a while, this habit of yours wouldn’t allow you to be affected much by them.
Listen to them attentively!
If someone’s sitting before you talking about something, listen to them intently, even if it doesn’t seem essential to you. It’s critical enough for them to speak to you about it, and you should respect that. Moreover, they’re talking to you about it because they expect you to listen and understand, don’t let them down. Even if the subject of the conversation doesn’t matter, the person talking matters, all the same; don’t be disrespectful.
Love yourself more, to be loved more
The more you love yourself, you’ll attract people who’d be capable of loving you with the same intensity. You’re showing people what you want and how you deserve to be treated. It works as a filter; only the people who’re willing to live up to those standards will dare reach out to you.
Don’t let the fear of getting hurt turn into the fear of falling in love
Please don’t play it safe; you’re never going to have a chance of finding what you’re looking for. Feelings are reciprocated. Love with all your heart, to be loved the same way. When it isn’t returned, it does hurt with the same intensity, but it teaches you how to cope with heartbreak all the same.
Love unconditionally
You are only responsible for what you do and how you feel. Love without any expectations of it being returned. You get back what you put out. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt.
Stop chasing people or things. What’s meant for you will find you
Focus on being the kind of person you’d want in your life. Don’t run after the things or people you think might be right for you. The right people and circumstances will find you when the time is right. Be the right person, and the right things will come to you.
To be continued.
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/author
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
