Relationship
Some questions you should refrain from asking a woman
There are a lot of topics that should be off-limits during casual conversations, but men seem to feel entitled all the time. They feel they can just ask these questions whenever they want because they’re men, and they can get away with it.
And if you’re that kind of guy, stop it. You aren’t entitled to anything. There are some things that you just don’t ask a woman because it’s just downright disrespectful to do so. You have no right to be so intrusive, especially when it comes to the intimate aspects of a woman’s lifestyle. You always have to treat women with respect and sensitivity if you want to be treated nicely in return.
At this point, you have to be mature enough to know that there are just some questions that you don’t get to ask – especially if you’re not close to a woman. It’s quite rude, and it shows lack of breeding. And you might just be ignorant, but she should not have to suffer for your ignorance. After all, in this new age of information, ignorance is no longer an excuse; it’s a choice. So stop being ignorant already. Be aware of the big “no-no” questions that you shouldn’t be asking a girl you’re not intimate with. Here are a few examples of those questions:
Unless you’re her family or you’re actively going to participate in the raising of her children, you have no right to be asking her about when she plans to have kids. You are placing unnecessary pressure on her to have children by doing so. She might be dealing with other aspects of life at that moment, and she might not want to be thinking about children yet. You don’t have the right to put those thoughts in her head.
- So… when are you going to get married?
Again, this shouldn’t be a question to ask unless you’re the one planning to marry her or if you’re going to pay for her wedding expenses. This shouldn’t be your business at all. If you have to ask this question (which you don’t), she isn’t the right person you should be asking.
You should be talking to whoever she is in a relationship with. He’s the one who has to propose to her after all. You shouldn’t be making her feel bad about the fact that she’s not married yet by asking her this question.
- You’ve lost/gained weight recently, what’s the matter?
Unless her weight gain or loss is becoming a health hazard for her, you have no right to be questioning her about it. In truth, you are just making her feel bad about her weight gain or loss. She isn’t going to like the fact that you’re making her feel like you’re judging her for how she looks.
How much money do you earn at your job?
Money is a big no-no question. You shouldn’t have to concern yourself with her paycheck if you only have a causal relationship. That’s sensitive information that you don’t have to know about.
- How old are you anyway?
A girl’s age is a sensitive topic, and you don’t have the right to be asking her about her age on a casual basis. It’s perfectly understandable to ask a girl of her age when she’s in an intimate relationship with someone or if she’s applying for a job.
But when it comes to being in a casual group setting and you put a girl on the spot by asking her about her age in front of a crowd, you are only coming off as an insensitive prick who is overstepping your bounds. Learn to be more sensitive and read the situation carefully before you say anything.
Source: dreamyhub.com
Relationship
The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce
Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):
1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals
Several research on the employment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce is low.
The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to provide for the family’s needs, strengthening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).
On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhappy marriages.
This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.
Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.
2. Wealth
Research shows that the individuals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more affluent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.
Others also suggest that individuals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Ambert, 2002).
3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place
Geographic location and its characteristics could impact your marriage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedokun, 1998).
According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation undermines African marriages.
Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-consuming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the foundation of families and marriages.
This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the involvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immediate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.
Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).
Modernisation in Africa is destroying the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy relationships with the extended family.
Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, urbanisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of considerations for other families).
It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “PREPARING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/preparing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-marriage
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
When the tides change (Pt. 2)
Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.
But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!
Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!
Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.
Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed.
Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.
Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.
A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!
Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.
Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.
Until next time, keep your ears open.
With Eyram, the Tale bearer.
