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Some signs he isn’t a playboy

Men who love you show it through their actions

You’ve been injured in your previous relationships with men who played the groundwork for you. You believe they were the right choice for you. You thought your instincts were right, and it was safe to put your trust in them. But, no, your gut betrayed you. He ended up being like everybody else. Now you’re in a situation that makes it hard for you to feel secure around others. You would like to be vulnerable. You no longer want to give people the opportunity to harm you. You do not want be hurt again.      

But, you are aware that you’re still trying to love yourself. You are also aware that you won’t discover love until you try it. You’ll never discover love if you aren’t willing to feel vulnerable. What do you do then? It’s about taking a calculated risk and determining whether the person you’re in love with is worth keeping.

It’s will always a great opportunity to be in love. However, it’s a risk everyone must be willing to take. Love is the most powerful force in this world. We do ourselves a disservice if we do not allow love into our lives simply because we are scared of being jilted.

If you’re skeptical or afraid it doesn’t mean you’re shooting in the darkness. Only let yourself be vulnerable to men whom you consider worthy of your focus. They need to demonstrate the value they bring to your company. To help you become more accurate in your assessment of personality, these are points to consider and signs that your man isn’t only having fun with you but is worth your time:

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  • He’s always smiling whenever you’re around him.

You are sure that it isn’t a forceful smile;neither is it a pretentious smile. It’s obvious that the person trulyenjoys your company. It’s also obvious that he’s committed to you.

  • He shows his love to you through his actions, not through words.

Guys aren’t exactly the most efficient communicators when it comes to words. However, they’re always able to express their feelings by their actions. So, if you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t revealanything about his feelings to you, there’s no need to worry, particularly when he consistently does his best and is willing to go the extra mile to help you.

  • He doesn’t force you to transform into someone you’re not.

He appreciates who you are and won’t do anything to alter your character. He wouldn’t let you feel you’re not good enough for him.

  • He’s witnessed the worst of you, but he remains faithful and committed.

He is aware of how bad you’re doing since you’ve already exposed your other side to him, especially your weaknesses and flaws, yet, he’s been there for you.

You share the same values in life.

You share the same objectives, interests and values. This makes it easier for you to establish an intimate relationship since there is no friction.

Source: www.dreamyhub.com

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 The role of employment status, wealth, geographical location in divorce

Several research findings have identified factors likely to account for divorce. These factors include (but are not limited to):

1. Employment Status and Income Levels of Individuals

Several research on the employ­ment status of married individuals have identified how it influences marital stability. If the husband is employed, the likelihood of the mar­riage ending in divorce is low.

The is because, as the head, he would be in a better position to pro­vide for the family’s needs, strength­ening the family and increasing their standard of living (Lee, unpublished).

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On the contrary, women who are employed are at risk of having a higher divorce rate, particularly when they find themselves in unhap­py marriages.

This is because they can afford to be independent and cater for their children (Becker, Landes & Michael, 1977; Oppenheimer, 1997; Sayer & Bianchi, 2000). Moore’s (1994) argument also supports the fact that women’s divorce risks increase as they find themselves in highly time-demanding occupations outside the home. This is because they might be unable to devote ample time to their spouses and children.

Despite these findings, I know of a good number of women who are doing their best to maintain some balance between their married life and their work. I highly commend such women for their extra efforts on behalf of their families.

2. Wealth

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Research shows that the indi­viduals’ wealth status could either increase or decrease the probability of divorce. Some scholars (Kurderk, 1993 and Rootalu, 2010) indicated that when individuals are more afflu­ent and wealthy, marriage stability is compromised because couples could easily afford the costs involved in the divorce process.

Others also suggest that individ­uals who are not wealthy (especially women) are at lower risk of divorce than more prosperous women (Am­bert, 2002).

3. Geographical Location or Type of Residential Place

Geographic location and its char­acteristics could impact your mar­riage’s stability. Several studies on the location of residence have shown that married couples who live in urban communities are more likely to experience divorce than their rural counterparts (Adegoke, 2010; Adedo­kun, 1998).

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According to Takyi (2001) and Moore (1994), urbanisation under­mines African marriages.

Characteristics dominant in urban communities, such as the preference for conjugal union over the extended family and the increasing number of women in restrictive and time-con­suming employment setups, have been argued to weaken the founda­tion of families and marriages.

This is because the conjugal family type does not allow for the in­volvement of other extended family members except for the immediate family (nuclear family). The immedi­ate family is mainly made up of the married couple and their children; hence, there is less opportunity for the involvement of other members of the other family.

Indeed, it matters a lot how much your in-laws are involved in your marriage (in a healthy way, without much interference).

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Modernisation in Africa is destroy­ing the benefits that could have been derived from couples’ healthy rela­tionships with the extended family.

Oppong (1992) supported this argument that African modernisation has led to the type of urbanisation, encouraging wide separation from extended families. Unfortunately, ur­banisation supports an individualistic living arrangement (devoid of consid­erations for other families).

It is not surprising that a good number of researchers confirm that urban divorce rates exceed rural areas’ rates.

To be continued …

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Source: Excerpts from “PREPAR­ING FOR A HAPPY AND FULFILLING MARRIAGE: Everything You Need to Know Before You Say ‘I Do’” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). ORDER BOOK NOW: https://selar.co/prepar­ing-for-a-happy-and-fulfilling-mar­riage

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website

https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/author

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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)

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When the tides change (Pt. 2)

Psst! Psst! Lean in closer… closer! Now listen, silence is golden, or so they say.

But when the Tale Bearer arrives with news from yonder, that golden silence suddenly turns into a shiny distraction you cannot ignore. So here I am, bearing tales from the gods, hot, fresh and ready for your ears!

Have you heard? Wonder Boy’s new status has him soaking wet like a sponge at a waterpark. And, oh boy, is he loving it! Ehem! Now, he is serenading us with a tune that has gotten us laughing and jeering mockingly ‘Johnny Just Come’, Johnny just come. Hehehe!

Who knew the rulers of the mighty kingdom of Umofia are living it up like royalty, while the rest of us are out here playing catch-up with life? Ah, life, the greatest comedian, always leaving us laughing, but with tears in our eyes.

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Come to think of it, Umofians, the gods are clearly watching over us and this is their way of saying ‘wake up, Umofians! ‘He who does not see the clouds cannot predict the rain’. Well the clouds are gathering, pay ye heed. 

Now, tell me, if our rulers have managed to build themselves a palace in the sky, should we, the children of Umofia, not ask for our fair share of the clouds? Should we not demand our own seat among the stars? Who knows, perhaps soon we shall all be sipping palm wine under the shade, enjoying the breeze together as equals.

Honourable Wonder Boy, if you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito. We the Umofians gave you a seat at the table of the rulers to speak on our behalf because we believe in you.

A word to the wise is enough, now show us you are not just another ‘Johnny Just Come, but the one who can stir the pot and serve justice hot! This is your moment, do not let it pass you by!

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Tell your people that Umofians gave them the power, they should remember; power is like salt—use it too much, and it will spoil the whole food. Tell them oo, the people can snatch the power back quicker than a hare can outrun a tortoise.

Ah well! My elders always say, “Home affairs are best kept behind closed doors, not shouted from the public square.” So, I shall take my leave now before I turn into the village crier.

 Until next time, keep your ears open.

With Eyram, the Tale bearer.

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